The Underground Current
The story of my movement into the Roman Catholic Church

Clifford Janssen

When did Roman Catholicism develop its magnetic appeal for me? It is hard to determine. I recall the first time ever visiting a Roman Catholic Church. It was not during Mass. Nevertheless, there was a smashing sense of the presence of God, different from what had been ever before experienced. From early childhood, the presence of God in the sanctuary of what was then St. Paul Evangelical and Reformed Church, my family’s church, was evident to me, but, in the Catholic Church that day, it was something different and, more invasive. In later years, it has been realized it was the presence of the Host, then a matter of ignorance to me. That visit has never been forgotten. Little did I then realize it precipitated a spiritual, subliminal, under current in my life that would lead to this conclusion.

In seminary, we studied some of the early church fathers and other noted early theologians. Of these, Augustine and a’Kempis stuck with me. In fact, a’Kempis Imitation of Christ has remained at my desk or bed side ever since, along with a book, The Golden Censer, by Henry Harbaugh, a Reformed Church in America mystic and theologian of the mid nineteenth century, who had been termed, The Protestant A’Kempis.

Some years later, while serving the Christian Union Church in Metamora, Illinois; a Catholic friend and neighbor died. We attended the funeral. It was a very short time since Vatican II and changes in the Mass were only beginning. Much was still in Latin. Nevertheless, the logical procession of the Mass made a deep impression on me, and, surprisingly, it was possible for me to experience uniquely deep worship. As the priest elevated the elements, a very perceptible shift in attitude took place, causing me to become more open to the concept of transubstantiation, the Roman Catholic belief that elements of communion actually become the Body and Blood of Christ to the communicant.

In 1969, we moved to Darmstadt, Indiana. There it was discovered that the Indiana-Kentucky Conference of the United Church of Christ sponsored an annual Pastors’ retreat at the Arch Abbey of St. Meinrad, Indiana, a Benedictine monastery. (In 2003, this annual event was moved to the Benedictine Sisters monastery at Ferdinand, Indiana.) For more than 35 years, that retreat has been a much anticipated event. We were privileged to share in Abbey worship, and became acquainted with Gregorian chat, the Abbey Mass and prayer services. All of which resonated very well within me. From time to time, members of the Benedictine community would serve as retreat leaders.
Also, the Continuing Education department of the Abbey Seminary provided short courses on various subjects. Attending such courses provided me with an ever-deepening acquaintance with Catholicism, even experiencing an occasional evening meal with monks in the monastery refectory. At these continuing education events, we experienced worship with the seminary community, and felt the immense benefit derived from daily mass observance. My eventual acceptance of transubstantiation came because it was experienced. No amount of theological argument would have done that, but it gradually felt right to me.

Along the way, fraternal relationships with Roman Catholic priests were, with one exception, beneficial. They accepted me as a confrere, readily answered my questions, and honored my convictions. Not once, in over 50 years, did any Roman Catholic priest make overt effort to convince me Catholicism was better than my Protestant faith. In fact, it was necessary for me to speak of becoming Catholic with several priests, before one recognized that serious desire to become Catholic, which had overtaken me.

In September of 2002, my wife of 50 years, Dorothy, died after a long struggle with breast cancer, and other health problems. We had practiced a very devout and meaningful prayer life together. Indeed, our prayers at bed time became so significant, we termed them our holy of holies. She was a devoted and perceptive student of the Bible. Over the years, we engaged in hundreds of biblical and theological conversations. Subsequent to her demise, my personal prayer life deepened significantly. A result was a re-commitment to follow Christ, wherever that might lead. Such a commitment may lead one in directions not desired! In the first months after her death, there were several excursions to St. Meinrad, and very frequent visits to St. Benedict Cathedral in Evansville. Somehow, the presence of the Host, caused prayer experience in those places to be of great effect for me. Nevertheless, in becoming Roman Catholic. In November of 2003, attendance at a priest retreat on Eucharist provided exceptionally deep spiritual moments. The retreat leader helped me think, and pray through, a devastating grief problem. This retreat also relieved a theological block which stood in the way of becoming Catholic. Eventually, the moment came when, in obedience to God, becoming Catholic was the only thing that could be done.

Through the years, being a voracious reader, several books about Catholicism were read, both critical and laudatory. They enabled me to come to some understanding of Catholic culture. The Catechism of the Catholic Church had been read twice. It was amazing for one who had thought of Catholicism as being largely unbiblical, to discover how thoroughly Biblically referenced that catechism is, and the reverence there is for Scripture. From the very beginning of my Christian pilgrimage, there was a deep appreciation for mysticism, which made movement into the Roman Catholic Faith a very natural path. Also, the emphasis on personal holiness provided opportunity to delve more deeply into Christian practice and devotion.

In the year after Dorothy’s death, much time was spent watching various presentations on the Eternal Word Television Network. Here was opportunity to do thinking with some of the best and most articulate Roman Catholic Theologians of our time. The though occurred that perhaps it would be possible to change. There were, and are, some theological differences. However, it occurred to me that the United Church of Christ has not always been a comfortable spiritual home. If one could live with differences in that denomination, one could do so in Roman Catholicism! Then, it was as if one were in the hands of an irresistible spiritual magnet that irrevocably drew me in and on. Finally, in February of this year 2004, an appointment was made with Father Gregory Chamberlain, pastor of St. Benedict Cathedral, and the process of becoming Catholic was initiated. The undercurrent which had been moving in me for more than 60 years finally surfaced. In conversations with several people, they have all expressed the conviction that God has called me to this decision. It is thus a matter of mere obedience, and much more.

In the latter years of his life, Reinhold Niebuhr, one of the great Protestant theologians of the 20th century, wrote an article, A View of Life From the Sidelines, never published during his lifetime. It was edited and published in the Christian Century in the December 19-26, 1984 issues, as a part of that magazine’s centennial celebration. In 1986, it was again published as the concluding chapter of a book, The Essential Reinhold Niebuhr, edited by Robert McAfee Brown, Yale University Press. Niebuhr wrote: I had always believed the vitality of religion…was…that faith…was an indispensable bearer of the human trust in life…An aura of mystery surrounded every realm of historical meaning…I came to view the Catholic Mass as, in many religious aspects, more adequate than our Protestant worship. For the first time I ceased to look at Catholicism as a remnant of medieval culture. I realized that I envied the popular Catholic Mass because that liturgy, for many, expressed the mystery that makes sense out of life always threatened by meaninglessness. (To this I say: Amen. It also seems so to me!)

In conclusion it is necessary to honor the long train of Protestant Christian education and spiritual formation received. Beginning with my parents, devout Christians; then, including Sunday School teachers, the two pastors of my cognizant childhood, youth, and young adult years, army chaplains, college and seminary professors, pastoral colleagues, and denominational leaders; there has been provided an unsurpassed depth and richness of spiritual experience and understanding, for which there is eternal gratitude.

Clifford J. Janssen