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Conversion Story of Craig Cowley

On Feast of the Holy Family, 2003 at Luke Air Force Base Chapel in Glendale Arizona, my family and I were received into the Catholic Church. I publicly renounced my position as an Air Force Protestant Chaplain and joined the Catholic Church before hundreds of Catholics and a few Protestant friends who highly disagreed but were kind enough to attend the service. Some were incredulous, other congratulatory, still some thought we were plain stupid. Why did we do it? Why blow 7 long years of preparation to be a military chaplain, just to become Catholic? After all, if you love Jesus, isn’t that enough?

I was born June 10, 1963 at Sheppard Air Force Base in Wichita Falls Texas. We lived in Ohio, Colorado, Italy, Virginia and Memphis Tennessee, where we finally settled. I suppose you could say God spoke to my soul through creation and artistic beauty – images of Pikes Peak, the Mediterranean Sea, spell binding Italian art, the Atlantic Ocean and the Tennessee Mountains planted unforgettable images in my head (Romans 1). My mother was a good Baptist, and although our church attendance was sporadic, once my father retired from the military, my mother and I attended church at Riverside Missionary Baptist Church, an African American Church which filled my soul with the mercy of God for a struggling people.

Although we attended church faithfully, I soon began to fall into teen age arrogance and unfortunately, promiscuity. My mother no longer required regular church attendance from me, and my heart began to darken. After falling deeper into sin, upon the summer of my high school graduation I decided to enlist in the Air Force, throwing away a music scholarship from a local college.

After basic training, I was stationed at Alconbury Royal Air Force Base in England. Upon arrival I went to a local party on base, delving into more sin. Within a few months, I realized the selfishness of my life and found myself in a depression. I realized if I died in that state, I stood in grave danger of going to hell. I went to the local base chapel, and was referred to a Bible study. Later that evening, after attending the Bible study, in private I discussed my depression with the leader, and started my life with God. I repented of my sins and gave my life to Jesus Christ.

I wish I could say everything went smoothly from there, but it didn’t. Immediately I was confronted with people from various denominations with contrasting interpretations of the Bible. It was clear to me that Paul’s exhortation to unity (1 Cor 1:10-16) was clearly violated, but there was no clear explanation for the multiple denominations. I had one Catholic friend, but he could not explain his faith well enough to convince me. I eventually joined a Pentecostal church, rejecting “once saved always saved” and the casual yet high-minded disregard for the gifts among some of my Calvinistic friends.

However, the God I encountered was more of a “fire and brimstone” type of God than what I experienced in my home church, more concerned about rules than about a heart full of love from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a pure faith (1Tim 1:5). I admired their standards, but began to view God as a taskmaster more than a Father who gave His all for me, a Lover who longed for my soul. I thirsted for a deep, satisfying relationship with God and I longed for unity among Christians.

My distorted view of God combined with earlier sin habits eventually took me down a second sinful path. I backslid again, worse than in my earlier teen years. God’s love proved faithful again, and I returned to Him, joining a small charismatic church in Texas. I met my wife and we married, and the folks in this church helped me see God’s love and heal. My wife and I left the Air Force, moved to Memphis Tennessee, and sensing a call to ministry, eventually went to Dallas Theological Seminary.

Why Dallas Seminary? Why a school that championed “eternal security”? Initially, while I frequented Pentecostal circles, I was never sure of my salvation despite the teaching of assurance of salvation. What happened if I sinned unknowingly and didn’t confess it? What if I kept repeating a habitual sin? What if I lived in a state of sin and didn’t realize it, such as harboring bitterness? The implications were chilling. Even though countless scriptures railed against “eternal security”, I could not bear living with a dull yet persistent fear for my soul. I was living Martin Luther’s nightmare. I began to rationalize eternal security to have peace in my soul and I found a school to give me reasons to believe it.

While at seminary, I plunged into studying the works of John Calvin and other Protestant reformers. We joined a Presbyterian church (Presbyterian Churches in America). While studying church history in seminary, I was disappointed at the quick survey of church history we did spanning from the Council of Nicea to the reformation. Our church history studies focused on the Trinitarian councils, the Protestant view of the reformation and the Protestant post reformation era to the present; for the life of me I couldn’t understand why we didn’t delve into all of church history, from start to present. We did an overview of nearly 1100 years of church history, and concentrated only on the Protestant view of from 1517 to the present! I also became disenchanted with the worldly approaches to church evangelism. A particularly painful memory was hearing one professor espouse the view that churches should target their own ethnic and economic background, for the sake of gaining members. I also couldn’t help but notice the varying different views on central theological and moral issues. I studied various different theological viewpoints on topics such as the end times, baptism, communion, sanctification, divorce, and capital punishment, not to mention the various scriptural interpretations. How was I to preach truth with so many opinions from studied scholars?? Who was I, as a new pastor, to claim to be a shepherd of souls when scholars could not seem to agree on such key issues?

My hunger for God and sense of theological instability began to trouble my soul, but I ignored my fears, thinking to walk away from what I understood as Christianity was to walk away from Jesus, the only One who made my life meaningful. I also hid away in a cave of pomposity thinking my newfound denomination (PCA) would have a theology strong enough to deal with the issues counter our world.

The Lord was faithful; He heard the silent cry of my soul even when I was too afraid, blind and ignorant to cry out. Although being in the PCA was a wonderful intellectual experience, I wanted something, more satisfying, yet I knew of the danger of looking for “something deeper”. My former experience in Pentecostal circles well schooled me about the dangers of “experience”. Consequently, I stayed on the shores of my safe Calvinistic theology. I was ordained and joined the Air Force chaplaincy in Sep 2001, shortly after 9-11. As a Presbyterian chaplain, I was assigned the traditional service, one of three Protestant services. The services were based on worship style; there was the contemporary service, which was similar to what one might see in today’s mega-churches, the gospel service, a service based on the traditional African American style, and the traditional service, a blend of conservative Baptist, Lutherans, Presbyterian and similar denominations. The Protestant potpourri approach to church was unsettling to me, and many protestant Christians in the military choose not to worship at the base chapel for this very reason. The Catholic Church had its own Mass and does not share the Mass with any denomination, thankfully.

What made me look into Catholicism? The Lord allowed the questions buried under the layers of Catholic prejudice in my mind surface, while simultaneously allowing me to go through a spiritual dry phase on the shores of my Calvinistic theology. As I took on the task of pastoring of the traditional service, I asked the Catholic chaplain for a little reading material on the liturgy so I could figure out a liturgy agreeable to all without violating PCA standards. I also began to do a little reading on the Trinity (I knew Protestants and Catholics agreed on the Trinity), and bought Scott Hahn’s book. I was impressed at the simplicity yet challenged by the theological depth. I found readings other readings on the trinity by Catholic writers in our Catholic chapel library to be informative, and I was especially impressed by the references to early church fathers. My catholic prejudices were breaking down as I read more and more of their theology. The Holy Spirit was feeding my mind. Also, as a chaplain in an ecumenical environment, I wanted to know more about Catholicism so I could gain a proper understanding and effectually minister to Catholics. The Lord hooked me intellectually and I wanted to know more about His Church.

As I faced my prejudices, I realized I never gave Catholicism a fair hearing; I was teaching against a church I never knew. The Protestant reformation was the most divisive split in the history of Christianity, and if I was going to pastor, I needed to study both sides of the matter – as objectively as I could. I decided to take the challenge of studying Catholicism – so I could at least be honest before the Lord as a pastor who is charged with protecting the flock. A priest told me about the Coming Home Network and I contacted them and Jim Anderson walked with me through my journey. I devoured Catholic apologetics and began secretly attending Mass at churches throughout Phoenix

In the meantime, the Lord was also healing me of my dry phase. Earlier in my training, I encountered some chaplains of a more liberal persuasion who openly addressed God as “Mother”. While I could not agree with them, the Holy Spirit made me face another deficit in my own theology: We as Protestants had no mother. We had a Father, a Son and a Holy Spirit, but no mother. My ecumenical experiences with female ordained clergy gave me a deep respect for the power of a woman in ministering to a broken heart, and I wondered why we did not have some sort of spiritual mother. When I began to later uncover the doctrine of our Lord’s Mother, it was challenging no doubt, yet admittedly I began to desire a relationship with Blessed Mother. Popular evangelical popular books did little to satisfy my heart; they all seemed to be saying the same things, offering me little. Reading reformation theology, although in some ways enriching, still did not communicate the intimacy with God I so longed for. Many reformation theologians wax eloquent on the majesty of God, but could not articulate the intimacy of God toward believers as well as Catholic writers. I finally settled on reading Catholic devotionals – which seemed to fill my empty heart. Also, as a Presbyterian, I gained a conviction that communion should be offered at every service, although typically Presbyterians do not practice weekly communion. As I studied the doctrine of the Eucharist, it struck me as odd that we did not offer the communion weekly as the early church did. My wife and I both began to hunger for weekly communion, but we could not serve it, in order to satisfy the ecumenical requirements. After studying the doctrine of the Eucharist, I began to thirst for the Eucharist – I wanted to be one with Jesus, body, soul, and divinity. I finally found the antidote to my longing, wandering heart – God Himself, within me. The Protestant rejection of the sacraments left his people deficient of the powerful means He infuses His love to our souls.

What was the key factor that made me and my wife join the church?

Apostolic Authority and historical continuity. All of my Christian life, I was swayed to and fro by every wind of doctrine. Finally, I found the rock Christ gave us – His Church to whom He gave Peter the keys. I was stunned to find the church was not an aberration that sort of appeared after Constantine put a halt to the persecution – she has been there all along with popes, bishops and priests to shepherd God’s lambs through some of the worst persecutions to date. She was fighting heresy and forming doctrine all along, even without a formally codified Bible. Evidences of papal authority, the Eucharist and other catholic doctrine can be found in the early writings of the church fathers. I saw that, despite the best of intentions, the reformation leaders were wrong to change the teachings, and couldn’t even agree among themselves on central issues such as the sacrament and church government. As I studied the writings of the church fathers, I could no longer justify being a Protestant.

Who was I to stand against a long line of voices, which in harmony, heralded God’s truth as Jesus passed it down to the Apostles, the church fathers, who passed it to the bishops, priests and deacons of today? Who was I to stand among a fractured, dissenting group of believers who ignorantly stand against 2000 years of church history, yet have no solid, unified answer to the haunting issues of abortion, euthanasia, poverty and unceasing wars? My family and I left the ranks of Luther and Calvin and fled to the safe haven of the Catholic Church, and have never looked back.

Today, we worship at St. James the Apostle Catholic Church in Oklahoma City. I am stationed at Tinker Air Force Base in Oklahoma City.