Fear of confession & I'm seeing a catholic therapist

[joyfulseraph]

I'm a bit hesitant to be posting this...but I need some thoughts, advice etc. Not sure where else to go or who to ask. And I have really liked this forum in the past. I know some of this is just a repeat from some past posts I've made, but it really is something I need to figure out.

Does anyone out there have any advice on how to overcome fear of confession? Has anyone ever had this fear? Especially before becoming catholic?
(I think maybe I can be rather scrupulous which is one reason why I fear it, and embarrassment) I feel like that's one thing that is stopping me from really becoming catholic. Well, there are many other fears, but that is one of the biggest. If I could somehow get over that, maybe I could move forward and start to believe again. Since I came to the conclusion last year that I can't become catholic, I gave up on everything pretty much. So disconnected, detatched, neutral, "I don't care", about "god" and "religion". And I USED to be a "strong protestant christian". Now I honestly feel like I'm some agnostic. And I feel so...burnt out.*sigh*

And I don't know if anyone would know this, but uh would this be something I could talk to my therapist about (he's actually a catholic, I just started seeing him this month, at a christian counseling center) about my fears of confession and becoming catholic?

Im kind of worried my therapist will tell me I don't need to be catholic, and that I can just go to any church I want, or he will think it's all just so stupid, my fears and what I think and what I've been through with the religious/spiritual part of me.

I'm thinking of this because he told me to write a list of things I want to fulfill. I thought of the desire I had once to go to church and become catholic. And I have no idea if I should tell him this or not. I am in "therapy" for anxiety, social phobia (excessive shyness) and depression issues.

Oh and what makes this even more awkward/weird for me is that he and his family actually go to the church I was trying to go to for RCIA in 2008 and 2009!

[Credo Catholic]

"Does anyone out there have any advice on how to overcome fear of confession? Has anyone ever had this fear? Especially before becoming catholic?
(I think maybe I can be rather scrupulous which is one reason why I fear it, and embarrassment) I feel like that's one thing that is stopping me from really becoming catholic. Well, there are many other fears, but that is one of the biggest.
"
Write out your fears on paper.  Not a long dissertation but just the main points.  Then make an appointment with the priest, and showing him the paper, tell him of your fears, that you are seeking professional help with it, and you are asking him to guide you.  Most priests are willing to help someone overcome fears about joining the church.


"And I don't know if anyone would know this, but uh would this be something I could talk to my therapist about (he's actually a catholic, I just started seeing him this month, at a christian counseling center) about my fears of confession and becoming catholic?

Im kind of worried my therapist will tell me I don't need to be catholic, and that I can just go to any church I want, or he will think it's all just so stupid, my fears and what I think and what I've been through with the religious/spiritual part of me.

I'm thinking of this because he told me to write a list of things I want to fulfill. I thought of the desire I had once to go to church and become catholic. And I have no idea if I should tell him this or not. I am in "therapy" for anxiety, social phobia (excessive shyness) and depression issues.

Oh and what makes this even more awkward/weird for me is that he and his family actually go to the church I was trying to go to for RCIA in 2008 and 2009!
[/quote]"

Tell your therapist that joining the catholic church is on your list for a very good reason.  Because you believe it is the true church, the one begun by Christ.  No other church will fill the bill.  Ask the therapist to help you overcome fears you have, but not to lead you away from where you want to go.

[joyfulseraph]

Thank you I don't know if I could actually admit my fears, but that is a good idea.

"Because you believe it is the true church, the one begun by Christ.  No other church will fill the bill"

That is true! My mind says "Catholic or nothing"...that is, I'd rather be catholic if I'm going to be a christian, or just be nothing at all, an agnostic, because I can't be a part of protestantism anymore. The only reason I'd now go to a protestant church is to regain faith, because that's where It had started, but eventually I'd end up right back into wanting to be catholic.

[Ruan]

Hi Joyfulseraph,

Fear cannot be avoided - it just has to be dealt with. I feel fearful and anxious every time I go to confession. I wait in line and I have to pray and ask for calm because I get so anxious, heart beating fast, etc. But that is no reason to avoid going to confession. You just put up with it, go in, make your confession, fear and trembling and all, then those wonderful words by the priest come: "I absolve you of all your sins." Among many other comforting words. It's over. The guilt, anxiety, fear is all over, and you are clean in God's sight again. What joy!

I have to make notes and refer to them when I go to confession. I'm not reading them, just referring to them to be sure that in my nervous state I don't go blank and forget something.

When I made the "big" confession to come into the Church, it was certainly fearful. I spent a long time preparing, trying to remember every possible sin I had committed, even the embarrassing ones - (hard to look the priest in the eye relating those). Know this, the priest has heard it all. You are no different from any other sinner out there. And Jesus forgives all those sins, giving you a clean slate. I think you can also ask the priest to have a screen between you if this makes it easier for you. I'm not sure if this is up to the priest or the confessor. But I believe it is an option.

I would go ahead and tell your therapist the things you mentioned above. Even if you fear his answers, it's okay to agree or disagree with him. And it just might turn out to be very helpful.

Above all else, pray and give your fears to the Lord. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in these things. Then step out in faith, regardless of fear.

All very good advice from Credo Catholic as well.

[Talithacumi]

Hi, Joyfulseraph!

First of all, we all have fears. And nobody likes to confess their wrongdoings or their failures. Everybody feels embarrassed to admit their flaws. That doesn't make you unique - just human. But there's an old saying that's true: "There is nothing to fear but fear itself." Think about it. How many times have our actual feelings of fear been harder to deal with than the actual occurrence that we feared?

I would say, as Ruan did, that fear just has to be dealt with. I remember my sister, when she was in college, had a priest for a spiritual director, and she used to tell him of her fears. He would say to her to just "Do it afraid." Sometimes you just have to plow through. There are some things that you can only get through by going through them. So square your shoulders, take a deep breath, and plunge in.

Remember, too, that the definition of courage is not being unafraid, but that, in the face of fear, one is able to ride out the storm - or perhaps ride into it - with faith that what they're doing is worthwhile.

Realize, too, that fear is all in your mind. It really is. That doesn't make it any less difficult, but if you can realize that it's not even a tangible thing, not even something that in and of itself can cause you bodily harm, then maybe you can think that it's just the Devil playing mind games with you - because that's all it really is. Think about it. You are fearless enough to be going to a therapist to tell him your troubles and thoughts. Why not a priest? A priest is, in many ways, a "spiritual" therapist. Be not afraid. The Lord is with you.

Besides, the good news is... (well, part of the Good News is...  ) that priests are representatives of Christ Himself. They are men, but they are also there to represent Jesus in the confessional. Not only that, but, as I'm sure you know, they cannot repeat anything you say to anyone else. One of my previous pastors once told me that he has a sort of "holy amnesia" when it comes to remembering people's sins. That's not to say he completely forgets them; if I bring up a certain sin in a subsequent confession, he may remember what I was talking about from before. But I think that a priest, when he's representing Christ, does not define people by their sins.

Anyway, to me, it's a relief to know that I can go tell somebody when something is really, really bothering me. I suffer from depression, myself, and I notice it is worse when I haven't been to confession for awhile. Sin is like dirt, or sweat. It just kind of clings to you until you feel really dirty and grimy and you know you need a "bath." And once you get to confession, that sin gets sloughed off and you feel spiritually clean again, refreshed.

All I'm saying is, don't let your fear keep you from confession, because it's that very fear that could keep you in your depression and bad feelings. Don't let Satan hold you back by allowing him to feed your fears; just tell that old Devil to get lost and go to Hell - where he belongs. And then come Home. We'll be glad to have you. 

JMJ
- Cheri 

[Intercessor]

Does anyone out there have any advice on how to overcome fear of confession?

If you find a sympathetic priest who is willing to work with you on this fear, perhaps arranging with him an opportunity for confession twice a week would help take the edge off the anxiety.  Repeated exposure to what we fear is often helpful in overcoming fear.  When you begin to feel more comfortable, you could "graduate" to once a week.

Sometimes the longer the interval between confessions, the higher the anxiety level.

If you are focusing on the fear of the first confession, have a chat with your confessor prior to arranging the first confession.  Explain that you believe your anxiety to be greater than what is typical.  Perhaps he will let you take a peek at the confessional.  Familiarity can help reduce fear.  He may also be willing for you to bring a notecard.  Talk it out ahead of time.  Then do what you need to do in spite of the fear.

Grace and peace,
Becky

[DrDave]

We've missed you

My wife is terrified of confession too, so I have a bit of an idea what you're dealing with.

My suggestion would be to find a priest that you're comfortable with, and then make an appointment to have a 'talk'. Give yourself the opportunity to discuss with him how to address this fear of confession (you needent be explicit about how scared you are, but, as fears go, it's almost as common as the fear of spiders).

Keep in mind that you need not 'go to confession' in the confessional. If you feel so moved at your meeting you could do it there, or at a subsequent meeting, you could say your confession on a park bench if he was agreeable and there was sufficent privacy. The point being that the priest has a great deal of latitude in when and where he may hear your confession, so, if it's what you need, take advantage of that latitude, discuss it with him and I'm sure between the two of you, you can find a setting and time that will help put you 'at ease' as much as is possible under the circumstances.

Still haven't stopped praying for you, and don't plan to anytime soon.

Regards Doc

[Pani Rose]

Maybe this article will help with the fear, by understanding the need getting a picture of it from another perspective.  By Archpriest Michael Moran...

Benefits of Good Gardening
http://mmreflections.wordpress.com/2010/01/20/benefits-of-good-gardening-january-2010/

[Stacia]

JoyfulSeraph,
I am a convert of 30 years - although, I stopped practicing the faith for several years after my conversion primarily because of my fear of confession.  In the 25 years that I have been back I have not gotten over that fear, but I have come to see that, for me, it stems from pride and self love.  That is not the case for everyone, but it is for me.  My solution is to go to confession every opportunity I get, in order to mortify my pride.  Something that was recommended to me by a Dominican Friar years ago, was that when I confess and I didn't have anything serious, or even almost serious, at the end to say that I was sorry for these and all the sins of my past life especially _____ (something grave that I had already confessed).  The idea being it would continue to remind me of my own weakness, and God's great mercy - after all, if He can forgive me, He can forgive anyone of anything.
It is so worthwhile to just bite the bullet, and go.  After you receive absolution, you will just float out of the confessional. Don't let it stop you from coming home.  Confession is medicine for the soul, if you had cancer and there was a guaranteed treatment, I am sure you wouldn't let fear of temperary discomfort keep you from taking that treatment - so don't let this fear keep you from recieving that which will bring healing to your soul.
Stacia

[Intercessor]

You mention above that you may have a problem with scrupulosity.  When you become a Catholic, you will need to discuss that with the priest.  The Church has different "confession rules" for those who are scrupulous.  For example, once a sin has been confessed by a sufferer of scrupulosity (and absolved), it is not to be brought up again in another confession.  

I have been looking back through past threads and see that you have been struggling with depression and anxiety for some time now and have been frustrated more than once by being unable to complete the RCIA program (because of health issues).  I am sorry that I did not read back through the past threads before.

I would like to encourage you to take a different approach from the one you are taking in this thread.  I hate to see you fretting now over fears about confession.  You have enough on your plate already.

It's wonderful that you have a counselor.  Why not focus your mind and heart on getting some help with the depression and anxiety now?  God is so merciful.  He loves you tenderly and does not hold you responsible for the problems resulting from your illness.

Maybe it would be better for you to focus on the love and goodness of God during this time that you are trying to get healthier.  Would you be willing to start a new thread on something like what people like most about God or something that might lighten your load a bit?   I really hope you will.

God bless you.
Becky