When only one converts

[susiedear]

I have read "When Only One Converts" a couple of times because I relate so well to the stories in that book.  My husband supports my conversion, for which I am deeply grateful.  He will not study Catholic doctrine himself, but he does ask me about what I am learning and he supports my going to Mass and participation in parish life.  Compared to some of the stories I have read, I am thankful for the gift of having a loving, supportive husband.

Still, though, there are times when I feel lonely and wish that I weren't the only one in my family who is making this journey.  I pray that when I am officially received into the Church this Easter that my husband would be right next to me, yet I know that I have to accept it if that day never comes.

For those in this situation, how do you handle it?  There are times when I want to take my husband by the shoulders, shake him up, and tell him to wise up to the truth!  It's oh so hard to be patient.  I remind myself that it took God about 20 years before I submitted to His call, and that God is working in His own way and time with my husband. 

I'd love to hear your stories.  Thanks for reading, and thanks for sharing your wise insights.

Elizabeth

[JillD]

Other than the fact that I haven't read the book, I could have written your post!  I'll be interested to hear what others have to say on this.  The biggest difficulty for me is that I've agreed to keep going to the Lutheran church that we have been going to and to try not to have things there be any different.  I also haven't told many people, including the Lutheran pastor, and so I feel like a hypocrite.  Though, I'm 95% sure I'm going through with this, that assurance hasn't always been that high and so I've hesitated, in case I change my mind.  THAT would really rock the boat.  Does your husband still go to church?  Do you go with him?  Does he ever go with you?

[bjbouwer]

Hello Elizabeth -

Your husband sounds like mine.  I'm very grateful for what I have, too, even though I'd give anything to have him join me in the RCC.

I pray daily for my husband's enlightenment, and I hold faith that God will answer my prayer.  I just have to give in to whatever schedule God keeps on this one.  8-)

Until that time, I'm thankful that my husband is alive, healthy and happy.  I've read the book, and as you saw, you and I are pretty fortunate to have the husbands we do.

I'll pray for your situation as I pray for mine. 

 

 

[BodRod]

Hi Elizabeth,

It has been reversed here, at my house. My wife has been a very outspoken anti-Catholic while I try to attend every Sunday and all Holy Days of Obligation. Thanks to the acceptance of my older daughter of my new faith, my wife has calmed down some. In fact, she has bought me a crucifix ring, a large crucifix to wear on a gold rope and she has insisted that when I am helping serve the Holy Eucharistic, the medal I wear, which is brass, must be on a gold chain. This is somewhat confusing. It looks to me like a person who is most disrespectful to the religion is also demanding that respect be shown to the beliefs. On the brighter side, recently, she has been asking questions. Boy !!! Does that drive my spirit up !!!

[Darlene]

Bodrod,

 How long have you been a Catholic and what faith, if any, were you prior to being a Catholic?

Darlene

[BodRod]

Hi Darlene,

I was accepted into the Church during Easter, 2005. We were both raised as Seventh-day Adventists so it was a big change for me. I was a second generation SDA and she was a third generation SDA, including grandparents who were missionaries. We have not mentioned it to her family yet. (My family is no longer with us.) My wife is embarrassed about my membership in the RCC and she is afraid that her family will make fun of her and tease her about the risks of her joining the RCC. I did not want to upset her father who was about to turn 100 years old so I did not bring it up either. (BTW, he made it to 100 years, 2 months and 17 days and lived on his own until the last 2 months!)

The SDA church has some similarities to the Jewish faith. I found out that a fellow, with whom I used to work, had converted from the Jewish faith to the RCC. It was interesting to find out that we shared some of the same experiences in converting to the RCC.

[susiedear]

Thanks to everyone who has responded.  While I wish that none of us were in the position of converting while married, it does help to have a dialog with others who are on this path.  I'll join my prayer with yours, that our partners will some day join us!

My husband was brought up in an agnostic home where no religion was practiced.  He became a Christian through a Pentacostal campus ministry while he was in college, which is how we met.  We now attend a Presbyterian church on Sunday morning and I go to Mass on Saturday.  We have two children, ages 9 and 12.  Sometimes they go to Mass with me, but it is rare.  My husband never goes.

Last Sunday morning at our Presbyterian church, the pastor said that he is a friend of the Evangelical pastor who was recently fired from his church and from heading the NAE.  Our pastor said something to the effect of: "That's what happens when you are not allowed to love as you are meant to love."  It was all I could do to stay in my pew.  What baffles me is that my husband will hear stuff like that and not get riled up, yet he's conservative and would thrive to sit under good orthodox teaching!  My local parish is solid and orthodox, and I take careful notes of the homilies so that I can pass on what I have learned.  I pray that the day will come when my husband will tire of the drivel he hears every Sunday and will hunger for some truth.

Thanks again for your kind responses.  I'll pray that the day will come when our spouses will also take the journey home.

Elizabeth

[highland]

:cool:

 

I was converted about 25 yrs ago.. left the church almost 10 yrs ago and made a comeback.. My wife was a protestant converted to catholicism when we got married in church and left to join her protestant friends after I left the church..

When some personal problems came up and I was feeling down and depressed , I came back and since then never look back.. I realised that living in the faith and in our Lord's and our Lady presene in so sweet,  depsite many setbacks and obstacles,

I always looking forward  to receive Our Lord everytime in Holy communion and feels very good attending daily mass if possible..

Dun give up hope, just cotinue to pray for yr loves ones who is not converted yet and by your actions they will see Christ in you.. of course you have to make the difference..

 

Peace and blessings..

 

 

[Steven Barrett]

Maybe your husband will reconsider in light of the information you received about your pastor's friend, especially considering who the most recent president of the NAE was and why he's no longer in charge.

[Darlene]

Steven,

  What does the NAE stand for and why was this president removed from his position.  You need not give a name.

Darlene

[CajunRick]

  What does the NAE stand for and why was this president removed from his position.  You need not give a name.

I assume he's talking about the Rev. Ted Haggard, who resigned from his church and his position as president of the National Association of Evangelicals after he was caught in some kind of homosexual activity.

You can read the details from Fox News here.


 

[Steven Barrett]

Yep Darlene,

That Ted Haggard.  Who in addition to his odd dalliances, is also quoted as saying that Catholics are less likely to be the ones who'd get us to the moon and other major national projects, etc. This guy still believes in the old WASP arguments used against Catholics in the business world.

Of course he forgot about the guy who challenged us to go to the moon in ten years.

A Catholic fellow named Jack Kennedy.

And, to think this guy had W's ear all this time: every week!

[RonRule]

I came into the Church this summer.

My wife attends a John MacArthur-ish type baptist church.  She does not try to stop me from doing Catholic things, but she is not supportive of my journey either.

She has no desire to hear explanations of Catholic doctrine or read books by Catholics.  If something comes up in conversation, she might ask for more details ("What the heck is a holy water font and why do you want to put one near our front door???").  Once she tried reading Rome Sweet Home and quit after a couple chapters, dismissing it as "stupid.  He changed his mind way too quickly".

But overall, we're still the best of friends and have a loving marriage.  I tell her little things about catholicism that I love and give what explanations I can.  We tease each other back-and-forth about being the Heretic of the family, etc.

I abstain from meat on most Fridays rather than doing a different penance.  Funny thing, she usually remembers this and plans accordingly better than I ever would!

"When Only One Converts" is a great book.  I need to read it again.  It and other concerned catholics just tell me to shut up.  Don't try to convert her.  Just live the faith and strive for holiness, kindness and all those oft-neglected virtues.

I pray the Rosary for her nearly every day, that she would see the beauty of fullness of the faith.

[Ruthie]

Hi all,

I just thought I would add my own story here. I don't have anyone to talk to so it helps so much just to air things out to sympathizing ears, or eyes in this case.

I too am a convert, 17 years ago, from the Episcopal Church. I drifted away from the RC faith after a few years, left my husband (lapsed Episcopalian) of 28 years (difficult marriage), and married my high school sweetheart. We started going to the Episcopal Church then. After 9 years of a very happy remarriage, I have come back to the Catholic Faith, completely believing in all the Church's teachings this time. I talked to the priest at my local parish and found out that the Church considers my first marriage valid still, and I cannot receive any of the Sacraments or be in full communion with the Church until the marriage issue is settled. My present husband was married twice before. So we would both need to petition for a declaration of nullity of all 3 marriages. I started the process but my husband will not go through with it, even though he is totally supportive of my reversion to the Catholic Faith in every other way. His main reason is that he does not want his former spouses notified which is required.

So I am really stuck. I feel like I'm in limbo, living in adultery, and never being able to go to confession, which I badly need to do, or receive communion unless I'm on my deathbed. It has been a huge weight on me this last 9 months and caused me a lot of stress, not knowing how to view my present marriage. I cannot even imagine separating from my husband over this. So I guess there is nothing to do but pray that he will change his mind.

[Sally Jo]

Susiedear,

Can you share anything about your plans for teaching your children about Catholism? Your kids are about the same ages as mine. Right now my children aren't in CCD although they may start next year. I just wondered how and what you are able to share with them?

Sally