Sacraments? - when?

[Ruan]

My husband and I are now free to marry in the Church. We are still waiting for a certain letter to be sent from the Tribunal to the priest who is working with us. (We have been waiting for this letter for 4 months.) Decree of nullity has been declared for me; my husband has been granted Petrine Privelege. We are free to proceed with marriage in the Church except for this letter. We have been civilly married for 13 years. But nothing can proceed until this letter comes from the Tribunal. I don't even know what it's about.

Anyway, my question is - now that all obstacles are out of the way, how is my present marriage viewed by the Church? Is it considered valid? We were married by a county judge and then a year later had our marriage blessed in the Episcopal Church. Or am I still "living in sin" because I'm living with my spouse and not as brother and sister (though not conjugally either because of physical problems)? Can I still not partake of the Sacraments? Can I still not go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation? When can I go to confession? Will it be immediately before my husband and I can finallly be married in the Church after receipt of this letter? And not until then?

Lenten mission in our parish - there will be one night when we will have the opportunity to go to confession. Can I rightfully go to confession yet, or must I still wait?  I'm confused. I'm also very sad that I might still have to wait. I've been waiting 4 years and one month to go to confession. This is tormenting!

[David W. Emery]

Nothing can proceed until this letter comes from the Tribunal. I don't even know what it's about.

The letter will almost certainly contain precautions and conditions for your convalidation (“marrying in the Church”). This is standard procedure where there is concern that the conditions which precipitated the nullity of the former union may still be present, at least in modified form, thus endangering the present or any future union. Often it does take some time for the tribunal to prepare this addendum, because some research and consultation is usually involved.

My question is — now that all obstacles are out of the way, how is my present marriage viewed by the Church? Is it considered valid?

My point above is that, according to the tribunal, not all obstacles seem to be “out of the way.” Your present union is not considered valid until convalidation takes place. However, you are not considered to be “living in sin” if you and your husband are not having marital relations.

Can I still not partake of the Sacraments? Can I still not go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation? When can I go to confession? Will it be immediately before my husband and I can finally be married in the Church after receipt of this letter? And not until then?

Ordinarily, you would be allowed to partake of the sacraments from the beginning of the time that you stopped having marital relations, provided that you both willingly accepted that status for as long as it takes to clear the way and convalidate the union and provided that public scandal is avoided. Evidently you have not discussed this with your pastor. He is the one who has the authority to admit you to the sacraments once the proper conditions are fulfilled, so the sooner you see your pastor, the sooner you will know what can and cannot be done in your specific case.

David

[Ruan]

Thank you, David, for your very careful, sensible reply. I feel much calmer and can see that even though I thought the road was free and clear, there is still more to be done. My husband and I met with the priest only once (he's new to our parish) in October. It was then that he sent a letter to the Tribunal, asking for their letter to him. He called in January and he was told that the letter would be coming "soon." I didn't know that it would involve still more investigation and study and that it would take some time. Thanks for that info. So I will continue to wait patiently. The priest would like to prepare us for marriage in the same way he would prepare any couple. So that will take some time too. Patience - lots of patience.

So I presume the process involves marriage preparation, planning a date for convalidation, confession very soon before that - maybe even the same day? Then after that I should be able to receive communion and go on to prepare for confirmation. Does that sound about right? The priest is a very calm, methodical person so I'm sure there will be no doing things out of order. As usual, I hesitate to try to meet with him or any priest because they are so busy. So I only speak with him on the fly after Mass - when I'm in town, and when he is there since the priests in our parish rotate (5 churches all in one parish).

I am so grateful for this forum because I know I can find "true-to-the-Church" answers. Thanks again.

[David W. Emery]

I believe your assumed timetable will prove to be correct. I know well how long this regularization process has taken; may the Lord have mercy upon you and provide you the humility and patience to do his will in this as in all things.

David