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Bonita
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| Joined: | Mon Nov 20th, 2006 |
| Location: | Texas USA |
| Posts: | 15 |
| First Name: | Bonita | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Mar 30th, 2007 01:11 pm |
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| Please pray for me that I will have peace of mind. My mother died in September at the age of 92. I am an only child and was her power of attorney for health care. I moved her to my home to take care of her in her last few months of life. My problem is that I am so sorry that I chose Hospice to help with her care. I feel like we just gave in and didn't continue treatments that may have kept her with us longer. Hospice stops all treatments and just does palliative care. Now I regret that decision. Pray for me that I will forgive myself and move one.
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JasPax
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| Joined: | Wed Nov 22nd, 2006 |
| Location: | North Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 247 |
| First Name: | James | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Episcopal to Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Mar 30th, 2007 02:27 pm |
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I am praying for you Bonita, but there is no need for you to feel guilt. My wife and I went through this with our parents. My father-in-law was the last and he lived with us until we could no longer handle him at home so he spent the last few weeks in a nearby nursing home. Hospice is not there until death is imminent, and it is there to help people die with dignity. Isn't that what we all want, a dignified, natural death?
92? That's a good long life.
You know your mother is in the care of Jesus now. What is better than that?
God Bless You
____________________
James
"Abide in me, and I in you..." John 15:4
"He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him." John 6:56
RSV-2CE
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CajunRick
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 5347 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Fri Mar 30th, 2007 02:37 pm |
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Bonita wrote: My problem is that I am so sorry that I chose Hospice to help with her care.
Bonita, after having spent some time as a hospice chaplain, I truly believe you made the right choice, and I hope you will find peace with your decision.
The hospice program is designed in such a way that it is virtually impossible to make a wrong decision. Each week the doctors, nurses, social workers, and chaplains meet and discuss each patient's treatment program and if anything is available that will prolong the quality or duration of life, it is begun immediately. Every two weeks, the treatment program must be completely reevaluated (by law) or the hospice will lose its license and stop being paid. Every two months, the patient must be completely reevaluated to make sure hospice care is still appropriate. If the criteria are not met, treatment is discontinued immediately.
Also, doctors do not recommend hospice lightly, since referring a patient to hospice means they will no longer be able to bill for patient care. It hits them where it hurts, in the wallet.
You didn't indicate the nature of your mother's condition, but at 92 years old, it is highly unlikely anything could have been done to significantly increase the duration of her life. Instead, the process God designed to move us from this temporary "mortal coil" to the eternal bliss of heaven was allowed to take place normally. She was at home surrounded by people she loved rather than in the sterile environment of a hospital, connected to tubes and machines, surrounded by people who considered her an inconvenience. The last moments of her life were valued, not ignored. She was kept clean and medicated and warm and comfortable, as only the people who loved her could do. She was able to end her earthly life in dignity. John Paul II chose the same option; he returned to his home in the Vatican to let God's natural process take place at the end of his life.
You were blessed to have the opportunity to share those moments with her. I have been present at many deaths, and the moments are precious ones. By contrast, I was not able to be present at either of my parents' last moments, and I truly regret that loss.
As part of hospice care, you or the chaplain should have made sure your mother had the opportunity to receive the Sacraments of Penance, Anointing of the Sick, and Eucharist at the end of her life. Her sins were forgiven, the temporal consequences of her sins cleaned away, and she was prepared spiritually to enter God's kingdom. She was welcomed into eternity by her parents and other loved ones. Now, she is your personal saint, advocating for you before God's throne. Her role in raising you is not complete; she must still bring you before God's Throne, where our Savior will thank her and tell her, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." Only then will her role as your parent be completed.
And you will grieve her loss. Remember what Jesus told the women as he carried his cross: "Weep not for me, but for yourselves and for your children." Your mother is in ecstasy in God's presence. She does not need your tears. When you cry, it is for yourself. The hole in your heart is huge, but it will heal. The pain will lessen. But it will always be there.
Your mother is not dead. Like Lazarus, she is eternally alive, because her Savior gave her the gift of eternal life. Keep her alive in your heart and mind. Share the stories of her with your family. At holidays, light a candle representing her and place it on your table. Talk to her, pray to her.
Mary and the canonized saints pray for all of us. Your mother is your own personal saint, advocating for you before God's Throne. The Church gives us All Saints' Day on November 1 as the feast day for all those unknown saints like your mother. Honor her on her feast day, and also on the date of her birth into eternity, the day she died to this life so that she could be born anew into eternity.
And know that you are blessed. Your Savior was speaking to you when he said, "Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted." Jesus wants to comfort you with the sure and certain knowledge that your mother is with him, waiting for your arrival. She will meet you at the end of your earthly life and take you to Jesus. Then your mother, your Savior, and our Blessed Mother will bring you before God's Throne where you will hear God's Word to your mother: "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
God bless you and comfort you, Bonita. Do not be sad because she died. Rejoice because she lives!
____________________
Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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Bonita
Member
| Joined: | Mon Nov 20th, 2006 |
| Location: | Texas USA |
| Posts: | 15 |
| First Name: | Bonita | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Mar 30th, 2007 05:42 pm |
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| Thank you forum for your prayers. Especially, cajunrick, thank you for telling me so many things about how Hospice works that I did not know. This did so much to relieve my mind and heart! I did not know about the evaluations or any of the on-going process. Knowing this has really helped me to see everything in a better light. Thank you so much! Peace in Christ, Bonita
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