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Kariana
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| Joined: | Thu Jul 12th, 2007 |
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| Posts: | 6 |
| First Name: | Kar | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Born and raised Catholic; married in the Church; left at ... |
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Posted: Fri Jul 13th, 2007 10:34 pm |
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I was raised Catholic and left the church when I was about 28. My first marriage was in the Church. My husband died after nine years of marriage. I remarried a widower in the non-demoninational church. We attended many different styles, but for the most part were on the same page.
About two months ago, I met with a Jewish friend who had converted to Catholism. This began a wonderful journey of rediscovery. At first my husband was supportive. He could see the joy and peace come back into my life. I don't think I have been this fulfilled in a long time.
When I made the decision to officially return to my roots, my husband's response came as a big surprise to me. He was actually angry. He told me he would not have married me if I had been Catholic. He also told me this would make us "unequally" yoked. He speaks from a lot of ignorance and I suppose fear, but I am at a complete loss of what to do. It is really sad.
One of my sisters tells me our marriage isn't recognized in the Church anyway. What was becoming a joyful and exciting thing to share has become taboo. I keep my daily mass and rosary to myself. I can't share anything with him. The Church and the mass have bcome more important to me than ever; literally my daily bread. As Father Larry says, I can't live without it.
I am curious if others have had similar experiences and how you have dealt with them. Anything you have to offer would be greatly appreciated.
Last edited on Fri Jul 13th, 2007 10:42 pm by Kariana
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Sindone
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| Joined: | Sat Jul 7th, 2007 |
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| Posts: | 17 |
| First Name: | Sindon | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | RC...rc...RC |
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Posted: Fri Jul 13th, 2007 10:58 pm |
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Dear Kariana,
Just a short note. I suppose there will be many other members here who can give you good advice on your current situation. But I will keep you in my prayer. Keep trusting in God, your perseverance will triumph over the hardest heart of your husband. Keep the Mass as the central point in your prayer life, and the rosary. And do not be afraid.
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ChildoftheCreator
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| Joined: | Tue Jul 10th, 2007 |
| Location: | Minnesota USA |
| Posts: | 16 |
| First Name: | Hillary | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Lutheran |
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Posted: Thu Jul 19th, 2007 01:21 pm |
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Kariana,
I am so glad that you rediscovered the Catholic Church. It does give one so much peace to know that this IS the church and it is not just personal preference that ties one to it. Your situation sounds like a difficult one. Since it has only been two months since you and your husband were on the same page and then all of a sudden you decided to go and become Catholic, which of course is a wonderful thing, but he is not going to percieve it that way. Just keep living out your faith. Don't try to push him, just let him come to you if he has questions and remember to always keep your calm even if he doesn't keep his. Maybe if he sees that your devotion to God is still the same, he will calm down and maybe even become curious. It will take time and of course prayer. I will be praying for you and your husband.
May Christ be with you,
Hillary
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3John4
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| Joined: | Tue Feb 13th, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 82 |
| First Name: | Dede | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic, Protestant, Catholic |
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Posted: Mon Jul 23rd, 2007 10:04 pm |
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Hi,
My situation is similar to yours, except that I rejoined the Church two years ago. My husband remains Protestant, and insists that the children do the same.
I wish I could reassure you that your husband will see the beauty of the Catholic Church through your witness, but, realistically, don't expect it. I have found that many non-Catholics are so convinced by the misinformation they have been fed, that they never are able to open their hearts and minds to the Truth and richness the Church holds.
If it is any consolation, know that there are others of us savoring the joy of our faith completely alone. It helps me to think of myself married to Christ, and then to treat my husband with the same love. Though I am sometimes overcome with anger, frustration, and loneliness, I try never to unleash this hostility on my husband because I want to always be able to look back and know that I gave the Lord glory through my actions. After all, it is Him that we are ultimately called to serve.
I hope this doesn't sound preachy. I certainly don't mean it that way because I truly understand your anguish.
Blessings,
Dede
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Prodigal Daughter
Member
| Joined: | Wed Nov 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 196 |
| First Name: | Deborah/PD | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptized Catholic, received First Communion, left during Confirmation year. ... |
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Posted: Mon Jul 23rd, 2007 11:10 pm |
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Hi Kariana,
My husband is dobrodoc on the forum. We were born Catholic left when we were very young and returned 3 years ago after many years in non-denominational churches. I discovered the CC first. When I first started to show interest in the CC he was fine with it too. As I became more serious about returning to the CC he became defensive. This caused me to "go underground" and sneak off to Mass. We were not Sacramentally married in the CC either. After speaking with 2 priests, they said all I had to do was go to confession and I could receive the Eucharist. Later I found out this was not true. Our marriage had to be con-validated before I could receive the Sacraments. This was devastating to me.
To make a long story short, our marriage got to a point where I knew that it was more important for me to show my husband how much I loved him than it was for me to pursue Catholicism. I put away my Catholic books, etc. and for 4 1/2 years practiced offering my suffering and serving my family as "the least of these." I was open with my husband about still feeling drawn to the CC but only pursued it to a level that did not cause undue strain on our marriage. Eventually there came a time where I was able to go back to daily Mass and pray the rosary. Even though I couldn't receive the Eucharist, I just wanted to be near Jesus and felt privileged to be there at the consecration. My husband was being drawn back to the CC at the same time and within 6 months of me attending daily Mass; we were joyfully received back to the fullness of the truth.
I always recommend spouses be as open as possible with each other, while at the same time respect one another's journey of faith. "When Only One Converts" is an excellent book. I tried being sneaky and I tried being open and honest. I believe that the sneakiness drove my husband away and the honesty helped him consider the possibility of returning home to the CC. The Holy Spirit did the rest through the intercession of Mary and the Church Triumphant! My prayers are with you.
____________________
"Man should tremble, the world should vibrate, all Heaven should be deeply moved when the Son of God appears on the altar in the hands of the priest."
St. Francis of Assisi
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BettyBoopToo
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Camas/Washougal, Washington USA |
| Posts: | 538 |
| First Name: | Betty | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Fist Baptist/Calvary Babtist/Secular Confusion/ Roman Catholic |
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Posted: Wed Jul 25th, 2007 08:55 pm |
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Kariana wrote: I was raised Catholic and left the church when I was about 28. My first marriage was in the Church. My husband died after nine years of marriage. I remarried a widower in the non-demoninational church. We attended many different styles, but for the most part were on the same page.
About two months ago, I met with a Jewish friend who had converted to Catholism. This began a wonderful journey of rediscovery. At first my husband was supportive. He could see the joy and peace come back into my life. I don't think I have been this fulfilled in a long time.
When I made the decision to officially return to my roots, my husband's response came as a big surprise to me. He was actually angry. He told me he would not have married me if I had been Catholic. He also told me this would make us "unequally" yoked. He speaks from a lot of ignorance and I suppose fear, but I am at a complete loss of what to do. It is really sad.
One of my sisters tells me our marriage isn't recognized in the Church anyway. What was becoming a joyful and exciting thing to share has become taboo. I keep my daily mass and rosary to myself. I can't share anything with him. The Church and the mass have bcome more important to me than ever; literally my daily bread. As Father Larry says, I can't live without it.
I am curious if others have had similar experiences and how you have dealt with them. Anything you have to offer would be greatly appreciated.
Kariana
As another wife that has converted on my own. I've had to endure the pain and discouragement of making my faith a personal one that I don't even try to convert my husband. He's actually the cradle Catholic and he comes from a very long line of catholics on both sides where Geneology traces itself all the way back to europe in the middle ages. His troubles are not so much about doctrines as they are a stubborn refusal of submitence of will.
I pray for him many times every day and have acknowleged the fact that he's not going to come to submission by me, but only by the promptings of the Holy Spirit. He does not necessarily reject my conversion as long as my beliefs don't effect the manner in which will live. You and I both know that's impossible, so he only becomes angry when my beliefs interfere with his own desires. At this time, I notice the promptings of the Spirit convicting his heart and he is ever so slowly coming around. Somtimes we must leave our families welfare in Gods hands and let him do his work on our loved ones. The other day, he used my car, and when I got back in the car, I noticed that he had changed one of my apologetics tapes to a different topic than the one I had in the tape player. Later he mentioned to me that he has listened to one of my tapes. This was one of those moments for me to rejoice. He normally turns on some type of obnoxious Rock & Roll with a more Obnoxious disk jockey speaking. His listening on his own without me in the car to one of my tapes is just short of a miracle.
I'll pray for you & your husband too.
God Bless
Betty
____________________
Patience
"Whenever anything disagreeable or displeasing happens to you, remember Christ crucified and be silent."
St. John of the Cross
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Kariana
Member
| Joined: | Thu Jul 12th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 6 |
| First Name: | Kar | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Born and raised Catholic; married in the Church; left at ... |
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Posted: Thu Jul 26th, 2007 12:52 am |
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Hi Dede,
Thanks for your beautiful note. As I was reading what you said, I thought this is the essence of humility, really loving your husband despite your frustrations, etc., especially when what you want for him is so awesome. So when you said "I hope this doesn't sound preachy," I immediately said aloud to myself "quite the contrary." Thank you for your words of encouragement. I will pray for your husband as i pray for mine.
Karen
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Kariana
Member
| Joined: | Thu Jul 12th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 6 |
| First Name: | Kar | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Born and raised Catholic; married in the Church; left at ... |
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Posted: Thu Jul 26th, 2007 12:57 am |
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Hillary, thanks for your words of wisdom. You are right on the mark - I did think my husband should just get it right away. There is so much richness and depth to what I am dicovering, I can hardly hold back from sharing with him, but I know it is threatening. I am trying to put myself in his shoes. As Saint Peter says, "win him over with the quietness of your heart." Thanks for the reminder.
Karen
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Kariana
Member
| Joined: | Thu Jul 12th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 6 |
| First Name: | Kar | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Born and raised Catholic; married in the Church; left at ... |
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Posted: Thu Jul 26th, 2007 01:05 am |
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That is so funny the way you put it "go underground." I thought of doing the same thing. My husband has been out of town for a few weeks so I have felt a sense of freedom to attend daily mass and a few other things without even telling him. It is crazy. Instead of sneaking off to a bar or casino, I am sneaking off to church! You have convicted me. I do not have to be over the top with him, but I do want to share this new excitement and joy in my life with him.
What patience you have - 4 1/2 years! You must have been overjoyed when your marriage was blessed. Thanks for your encouragement and prayers.
Karen
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Prodigal Daughter
Member
| Joined: | Wed Nov 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 196 |
| First Name: | Deborah/PD | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptized Catholic, received First Communion, left during Confirmation year. ... |
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Posted: Thu Jul 26th, 2007 09:34 am |
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Kariana,
It was a beautiful day and if you would have said six months earlier that we would be coming back to the CC together, I would have laughed Like Sarah when the angel told her she'd have a child in her old age.
Every marriage is as unique as the individuals who commit to it. sometimes I see people post conversations or ways they have dealt with this process and I think "If i did or said that to my dh, he would flip out." You sound like a wise and gentle wife. I am sure your dh will be grateful for that and love you more because of it. Many blessings to you as you continue on this journey.
Deb
____________________
"Man should tremble, the world should vibrate, all Heaven should be deeply moved when the Son of God appears on the altar in the hands of the priest."
St. Francis of Assisi
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