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dpillie
Member
| Joined: | Wed Nov 22nd, 2006 |
| Location: | Fort Wayne, Indiana USA |
| Posts: | 8 |
| First Name: | | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Roman Catholic |
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Posted: Wed Nov 22nd, 2006 11:48 am |
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I grew up in a country (low) Episcopal Church. It was so country (how country was it?) that I didn't even know there was such a thing as high churches and low churches. I was blissful in my ignorance. It was the church my mother attended as she grew up, and it was where my parents were married. The only thing I didn't like about it was that it was in a different school system (heck, it was in a different county) than where I lived, and so I rarely saw friends from church at school.
My father was raised Roman Catholic. He grew up in a large blue-collar town and attended Catholic school. He did not have the greatest spiritual experience growing up and his antipathy toward the Church was magnified thanks to an anti-Catholic history professor at his college. Dad agreed to attend the Episcopal church with us and became quite active. There was actually some controversy because there is no formal "reception" rite into the Episcopal church, and my father obviously received his sacraments as a Catholic, so after he was elected the church Vestry (equivalent to our Parish Council) there was some question as to whether a baptised and confirmed Roman Catholic could serve on that board. His years of service to the parish cleared up any controversy and life went on.
It was my parents' active involvement in the chuch that helped form my faith. My mother was active in the religious education programs at the church, even running the Sunday School program and serving as a youth minister at our Children's Chapel. I was in the children's choir with my sister, and my father worked on the grounds committee, chaired the Acolyte ministry (equivalent to what most refer to as altar servers), and started the church softball team. I loved serving at church and came to love the institution as much as I loved my faith.
I started to run into problems when I learned more about alcohol, around sixth or seventh grade. As I discovered that it actually kills brain cells, I reasoned that God would never intend for us to consume something that would destroy His creation, and our brain being a central part of who we are it seemed unreasonable that we should consume wine at communion. I asked our Rector (equivalent to Pastor), who instructed me in transubstantiaition. I asked others, and got varying answers. I came to the conclusion that some believe that there is a change, and others believe that it is a symbol, but that was fine because we are to believe what we are comfortable believing. I would receive the bread but refuse the wine when it was presented at the rail.
As I wrapped myself up in the logic (or lack therof) in the Communion practices and beliefs, I became convinced that the beauty of the Episcopal Chuch was its flexibility. This attitude, coupled with my fathers' anti-Catholicism, was reinforced when I would interact with Catholics in my community. They knew precious little of their faith, had to go to the church and school that was closest to where they lived, not the one they preferred, and were very lackadaisical about attending Sunday services. My best friend typified those attitudes (though he is now a faithful Catholic and a wonderful example). I decided that it was best to let people believe what they were most comfortable with, and that God would lead them to Him in the manner that suited them best. I was formed significantly by C.S. Lewis's Narnia books at this time as well, but didn't get the deeper significance and connection to the theology I now hold dear.
Time passed and my family life broke down. My parents seperated, reconciled, seperated again and finally divorced when I was in tenth grade. My mother had a falling out with the leadership of our church and began attending an Episcopal mission closer to where we lived. My sister, frustrated with the lack of energy and the few young people that attended our church, started attending an Evangelical church that some of her friends from school attended. I continued to attend the Episcopal church. I took refuge in the Book of Common Prayer, actually reading through the daily order of readings and the rite for a "daily service without communion."
Eventually I started going to college. I found an Episcopal church that was right on campus. I was immediately uncomfortable there. The Book of Common Prayer that I followed did not resemble what I saw at all. I realize now that it was more similar to an English language version of the Tridentine Rite Mass. At the time I was baffled and confused, and went back to my book. After all, if Communion wasn't really the body and blood of Christ, then what did I need that for? I could just do my daily prayers and live my faith, and I should be good with that.
I did manager to find another proud country Episcopalian at my school in the heart of Washington, D.C. She also was uncomfortale at the "high church" service and had started going with some friends to the Neuman Center mass on campus. I asked her why she went there and she said it resembled the service she was used to much more closely and a lot of our friends went there. I went to a few services but felt wierd because it was still disjointed (the peace was in the wrong place, I kept saying the last few lines of the Lord's Prayer I was used to, etc.).
Around this time I had been dating a Catholic woman via a long-distance relationship. I would attend Mass with her if we were visiting on a Sunday, but generally didn't take it any further than that. However, as we grew closer I realized that being of different faiths could be a problem if we were to become a family. I started reading a book I had found titled "This is Our Faith," which was written not long after Vatican II but had a question and answer format with some commentary that is not that dissimilar to the new Compendium of the Cathecism. I had asked my girlfriend if she would read a book about the Episcopal Chuch as well. She agreed (but never did). That did upset me... to the point that I told her if we did get married and start a family I would never send my children to Catholic school - a statement that really startled her.
After reading the book and having attended a number of Masses with my girlfriend I felt much more comfortable about Catholicism, but still felt that I loved the faith I grew up with. I still couldn't see how one person could make a better determination about the movement of the Holy Spirit than a group of faithful people working in concert. I felt very uncomfortable with the saints in general and Mary in particular. However, I decided further investigation was warranted.
I joined the RCIA program at St. Peter's on Capitol Hill and initially warned the DRE that I didn't think it would do much good. While there were a lot of similarities between the church I grew up with and the Roman Catholic Church, it was the differences that I felt I loved. I didn't think there was any way that gap could be breached.
Thankfully I went into the ministry with an open mind, and let God lead me. I came to realize that God was pretty specific about what He wants done and how it should be done. I came to realize that men, even religious men, did not always act in God's best interests. I came to learn about the saints and Mary and how we revere them and respect them and ask for their prayers, but that we do not worship them. I came to learn that God does transform the bread and the wine into the Body and Most Precious Blood of Jesus Christ.
Ultimately, much of what went before was just preparing me for the moment of conversion. It was not long into RCIA that I began leading discussions and almost working with the team to help cathecize my classmates. The greatest obstacle to my conversion was my wrong-headed belief that what I wanted and felt was more important than what God wants. Just setting out on the road to try and begin to understand what God wants for me in this life opened the door to understanding and His Grace.
I share this story in the hope that there are others that may be attracted to the Church but convinced that there are doctrinal or practical issues that are too large for you to overcome. My hope is that my story helps you to understand that there is no doctrinal or practical misunderstanding too large for God to shepherd you through so long as you are open to His Grace and His will for you.
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YBiC,
Derek Alexander Ambrose Pillie
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Katy
Member
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | DFW, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 78 |
| First Name: | Katy | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Non-denom/Bible churches, Catholic since Easter 2005 |
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Posted: Wed Nov 22nd, 2006 02:28 pm |
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dpillie wrote: I started reading a book I had found titled "This is Our Faith," which was written not long after Vatican II but had a question and answer format with some commentary that is not that dissimilar to the new Compendium of the Cathecism.
My church uses the Revised Edition of Michael F. Pennock's "This is Our Faith" for the RCIA text. I found the book quite helpful when I went through RCIA two years ago, and as a Team member this year, I find that most of the new Inquirers like the book as well.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. Welcome Home, Derek!
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Lord, by Your cross and resurrection, You have set us free. You are the Savior of the World.
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