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philia
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| Joined: | Mon May 12th, 2008 |
| Location: | United Kingdom |
| Posts: | 16 |
| First Name: | Sophia | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | universal agnostic, marxist, pantheist, marxist again, non-marxist hegelian, atavistic polytheist, ... |
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Posted: Tue May 13th, 2008 02:27 am |
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Below is a quote from a post I made on a webforum about my first experience of Mass.
Today (Pentecost) I went to the local Catholic Church - this is probably the first time (I might have gone with a Religious Studies class at some point) I have been to a church which wasn't a) Christmas or b) Someone's wedding or baptism. It was very full, more than I expected, I don’t know if that was for Whitsun or if it’s always like that. I was absolutely terrified, first of all I thought (since most of what I know about Christianity is filtered down via Anglicanism through school and extended family – my immediate family being pagan) you had to wear a hat in church if you are a girl, but when I got there I saw all these women going in, none of whom were wearing hats. So I hid in a park next to the church for a few minutes hyperventilating a bit and put my hat in my bag.
Then I wasn't sure which knee people were bending down on before they sat down, so I just didn't and felt really self conscious about the fact I didn't. A lady gave me a missal, but I didn't know where to look in it for the things people were saying so I couldn't follow along with it or speak when everyone else spoke - but I sort of worried that doing that before I am properly a Christian might not be good form anyway, either way this intensified my fear and embarrassment. Then whilst we were kneeling for the consecration I fainted. Although I was quite awed by the thought of what was happening, genuinely - and still am pretty amazed by the idea I was in the same room as Jesus, I was for the most part too distracted by my anxiety to really appreciate it for more than a couple of moments.
After I fainted the lady who gave out the missals took me to sit on a chair outside and give me some water and this did not help my embarrassment at all! Then when everyone went up for communion I went up with my arms crossed over me for a blessing feeling extremely sheepish by this point.
Afterward I sort of got dragged into going to the coffee and biscuits thing in the hall next door - a poor Polish girl having been told to "look after me" to make sure I was ok after fainting. I sat around there looking awkward and not being able to escape because by this point most of the strength that I would have used to ask the guy standing by the door chatting to politely move so I could get through the door had been wasted on being scared. I told the Polish girl that I came because I was thinking of becoming a Christian and she laughed and said "and you chose the Catholic parish?!” Needless to say I was not in a fit state to succinctly and wittily explain my reasoning.
All in all that was probably in the top 10 scariest things I have ever done. Seriously. People warned me I would be bored going to Church, oh if only! Despite the fact I am dreading it somewhat, especially since I will see the same people I humiliated myself in front of this time, I will go again - because I think it’s the right thing to do and I still want to become a Catholic - I think if my experience today was enough to put me off I would be doing it for the wrong reasons anyway. I sorely wish I had a Catholic friend I could go with who lived in the same town as me. I think I might try and make my agnostic friend come even though she is as likely to want to drown herself as go to a church. I am sure if I explain it in terms of a favour to me she won't refuse just because she doesn't want to do it, that's what friends are for after all.
Now, I still want to become a Catholic. But …I mean, if God wants me to be a Catholic, and surely he knows how utterly weak I am? So then why make it so hard? I know that’s a terrible argument, but it seems like in the whole world no-one but me thinks me becoming a Catholic is a good idea. I know that it shouldn’t matter, that everyone in the world vs. God and God will still be right. I am just not a very strong person when it comes to other people, I need approval, we are a social species us humans, we are supposed to support each other not belittle each others endeavours to do the right thing.
The Priest when I inquired (who mentioned the email and letter I had sent prior to going down to the Church - so they must have been read but just not had the time to reply) just told me to go to Mass, which is fair enough, but it would have been nice to be given a little advice as to how to behave/dress etc beforehand so I wasn't quite so terrified. I am a bit of a perfectionist, and I know I never would have acted perfectly or anything, but to have no clear idea of what to expect just sent me insane. And now I am not sure what to do next? Do I ask again about what I need to do in order to become a Christian, and eventually get baptised etc? I have asked 3 times already, and I know they are very busy and its not their fault they can't keep on top of things, but at the same time it leaves me very unsure what steps exactly I have to take from here. On the internet lots of people talk about RICA but looking up the statistics on the website about the parish here I am doubtful they get enough people interested to run classes like that to be honest, would they run them just for me? This is a small town, and the only places nearby are even smaller villages. I am not at all blaming anyone at the parish, it’s not their fault, they are very busy, their resident priest just died and that’s causing them problems of organisation no doubt.
As for my friends and family I've had two bitter ex-Catholics get really defensive with me, several current Catholics who think of it as a sort of cultural club they belong to rather than a religion mock me, my best friend tell me that she learned in her Sunday school um... "No smells, no idols, no ritual" or something and give me fearful looks whilst quoting "assent of will and intellect" type passages from the catechism (I told her I already read it, I know what it says, she thinks I am looking for a “crutch”). My parents give each other amused knowing "it’s a phase" glances.
When I was a kid I thought when we had a RE lesson on the different denominations beliefs about the Eucharist, if I ever become a Christian, which I was quite sure I’d never do, it would have to be one that believed in transubstantiation. (Another thing my best friend was warned against in Sunday school lol).
I wish I had one friend here (I have one about 9hrs away), just one, who was - if not as enthusiastic about this idea as I am - at least thought it was worthwhile and had the inclination to help me and hold my hand and stand by my side and tell me what to do next when I don't know. I feel like a little kid lost in a crowded place.
But yes, I know this is nothing: that tens of thousands of people have died for the Faith, and countless more probably would if it came to it. That a bit of anxiety never killed anyone (well ok, never killed anyone young and healthy like me anyway) and that I can - and with the help of God will manage to get through it. I guess I just want to hear someone tell me I am not crazy.
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Why I want to be a Catholic?
Because I believe in the existence of One God: that is a Being who is eternal, who possesses absolute and supreme authority, who is perfect and who takes a personal interest in creation.
Because I believe the person of Jesus Christ is God and that threw, and only threw him, man can come to know God. Since Jesus said "no-one gets to the Father except through me".
Because there are only very few churches, Catholic among them who have valid apostolic succession.
Because the other major church with apostolic succession, the Orthodox, is, frankly, disturbingly nationalistic and xenophobic, they are thus hardly universal. It is also decidedly not "one". Only the Catholic Church can be said to truly possess all four marks - that is of being One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic.
Because since thinking on the idea that Jesus Christ may have genuinely conquered death I have relinquished my obsession with death for an obsession with eternity.
Because I believe through Jesus Christ, man can partake of eternity and transcend temporal life.
Because due to aforementioned reasons I think the best and possibly only way in which I can come to know Jesus Christ is through the Catholic Church.
Because I believe God wills it.
Because I wish to do my duty to God and abide by his will.
Because of the Eucharist.
Because I believe that the protestant reformation asserted the primacy of the human intellect over truth itself, and was the first step in an anarchic trend which proceeded though in small steps to grow into a great many of the most pressing problems of this age.
Because I wish to cultivate in myself virtue, and cannot do so on my strength alone.
Because before I decided to become a Christian I secretly felt as though I already was one - but now I have decided to become one I realise I have a long way to go before I get there.
Because I love art, and the only good art is art for God.
So I guess, if I have to nag and look like an imbecile in front of people for the rest of my life in an attempt to try and get accepted into the Church then that’s what I have to do. I wish I had some kind of concrete guidance right now. It’s much easier to be alone when you are actually alone… if you know what I mean. When I was alone I was not lonely, but now I am not alone my non-belongingness is made more apparent to me. I guess it’s a challenge at least. I always liked challenges. I am a bit exhausted with it, but… well, what else can I do? What else is there?
Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom can we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."
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Sophia M.
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tedjenczewski
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| Joined: | Thu May 10th, 2007 |
| Location: | Richmond, Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 211 |
| First Name: | Ted | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic, Presbyterian, Catholic |
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Posted: Tue May 13th, 2008 02:59 am |
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Hi Sophia. You are apparrently being called to faith. To Be receeived into the Catholic Church you must go through a period of discernment, which involves a period of learning and accepting the doctrines of the faith. A local parish will most certainly conduct these classes (called RCIA). Contact the local preist to find out where and when they are held.
I see by your posts you are deep into a philisophical approach to the existence of a God. This approach has been dealt with very well by several doctors of the church and a local preist (or members of this forum) should be able to recommend several good books on the topic.
I prefer a mathematical approach based upon thermodynamics or probability and statistics. The thermodynamic view is based upon the second law of thermodynamics that shows that disorder in the world and universe increases in time, it does not decrease as evolutionists teach. All the order that we see about us, such as living things operating in an organized fashion, is a reversal of the second law. Something (a creator?) must be responsible for all this order we see in the universe.
The probability and statistics approach is based upon the view that the millions of chemical reactions that had to take place to make up a living organism (say man), that can reproduce itself, could not have occurred naturally over the time period the evolutionists say life has been on earth (100 million years?), Starting, for example, with simple molecules like carbon dioxide, methane, ammonia, sulfur dioxide etc, and building up by random chemical reaction the millions of different molecular compounds (amino acids, proteins etc) that comprise a living organism is very improbable over so small a time period as 100 million years.
Last edited on Tue May 13th, 2008 03:24 am by tedjenczewski
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"...the church of the living God, the pillar and bulwark of the truth." 1Tim 3, 15
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Intercessor
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| Joined: | Tue Sep 25th, 2007 |
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| First Name: | Becky | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Southern Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Tue May 13th, 2008 03:12 am |
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Sophia, Sophia, Sophia!!! 
I love you. I like you. I admire you. I applaud you.  I encourage you. Tell me when you've had enough approval for now, OK?
No, no, no, you are definitely NOT crazy! You are a fabulously sane person.
You've blessed me so much tonight (night here, anyhow), but I must tell you
it's been a long time since I've laughed so long and so hard.
Bless your heart. I'm going nuts here because I want to jump on a plane, fly across the Atlantic, and spend some time with you until you're comfortable with all this.
You're doing just great, though, Sophia. Wow, I'm so impressed with your courage and determination to obey the Holy Spirit. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for such an example of faith and obedience.
There's lots in your post to respond to; I and others can pick out small portions and share in the delight of getting to know you as we answer your questions. You're going to be teaching us a great deal by your example.
God bless you.
Becky
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"If our charity is arrested by the difficulties encountered in dealing with our neighbor, . . . our relations with our brethren are not regulated by our love of God, but by our love of self." Divine Intimacy p. 781, Fr. Gabriel, O.C.D.
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philia
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| Joined: | Mon May 12th, 2008 |
| Location: | United Kingdom |
| Posts: | 16 |
| First Name: | Sophia | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | universal agnostic, marxist, pantheist, marxist again, non-marxist hegelian, atavistic polytheist, ... |
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Posted: Tue May 13th, 2008 03:21 am |
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Intercessor wrote[size=
Bless your heart. I'm going nuts here because I want to jump on a plane, fly across the Atlantic, and spend some time with you until you're comfortable with all this.
] Well I wish you could.
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Sophia M.
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David W. Emery
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Brownsville, Texas USA |
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| First Name: | David | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Tue May 13th, 2008 03:27 am |
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That’s beautiful, Sophia. From what you have written, I understand so very well what you are feeling. You will make a very good Catholic because, as you say, “God wills it.” Yes, he does. You go on to lament, “I cannot do so on my own strength alone.” Quite true; neither can I. But he, God, can and will help you through it. So there you are.
But how do you get started? Exactly as you have done: endure the mockery and go to meet your Lord in the worship of the Mass. Never mind the bumbling. Repetition breeds familiarity. You will learn; you will make friends. And I can tell you, people will remember the lady who fainted at the consecration!
I must ask: Did anyone in the congregation make fun of you? Yes, I am aware of the one who asked, “And you chose the Catholic parish?” Of course you did. You believe and you belong there. Life is too short to waste on trifles, eternity insufficient for the truth. But she stayed with you, helped you in your need. I think she knows what is in your heart.
You speak of the current discouragement, saying, “Lots of people talk about RICA but looking up the statistics on the website about the parish here I am doubtful they get enough people interested to run classes like that to be honest, would they run them just for me?” I believe they would. It may be just you and your mentor, but it will be enough.
That’s the way it was with me. I was a young fool, too, you know, someone actually seeking the truth. I knocked one day on the rectory door and told the priest I wanted to be a Catholic. Some months later the same priest baptized me and gave me communion. I still had a lot to learn, and it took me quite a while before I could say for sure that I was not crazy. So I want to assure you right now that, if you are who and what you say you are, you are quite sane. You know God every bit as well as I did back then.
Come now, be a part of this family. We will help you over the rough spots, teach you more than just the theory. (Maybe some theory along the way, although you seem to have begun there and are working your way forward.) We’re veterans, scars and all. Go ahead, ask your questions. (One at a time, though, if you please! We don’t want to overload the circuits at the first encounter.) There are people at all stages of the journey here. You will find someone, I am sure, who will hold your hand and explore this new world with you.
David
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Intercessor
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Posted: Tue May 13th, 2008 03:28 am |
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philia wrote:
Intercessor wrote[size=
Bless your heart. I'm going nuts here because I want to jump on a plane, fly across the Atlantic, and spend some time with you until you're comfortable with all this.
] Well I wish you could.
Sophia,
You've come to such a great place here. All of us here have needed friends and advisors to strengthen and encourage us and answer our questions. You are not alone. We'll be here for the long haul and will pray for you and support you with our best suggestions and explanations. Hope you can check in here every day, as long as you need support.
Have you had a chance yet to read many of the past forums?
Becky
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"If our charity is arrested by the difficulties encountered in dealing with our neighbor, . . . our relations with our brethren are not regulated by our love of God, but by our love of self." Divine Intimacy p. 781, Fr. Gabriel, O.C.D.
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philia
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| Joined: | Mon May 12th, 2008 |
| Location: | United Kingdom |
| Posts: | 16 |
| First Name: | Sophia | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | universal agnostic, marxist, pantheist, marxist again, non-marxist hegelian, atavistic polytheist, ... |
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Posted: Tue May 13th, 2008 03:38 am |
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Intercessor wrote:[size=
Have you had a chance yet to read many of the past forums?
Becky
] I have read through a bit and am continuing to do so as we speak (I read quite fast).
David W. Emery wrote: And I can tell you, people will remember the lady who fainted at the consecration!
Well I hope not XD
I must ask: Did anyone in the congregation make fun of you? No, everyone who spoke to me was polite. I think they were worried about me and thought I must be ill or something because of the whole fainting thing. I am a bit worried they thought I must be on drugs or something.
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Sophia M.
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David W. Emery
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Posted: Tue May 13th, 2008 04:07 am |
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All right, now I’ve read the intellectual part of your story in the other thread. Although I was never anything but Christian (raised Protestant but becoming Catholic at an early age; I’m an old man now and still Catholic), you remind me of myself in my early teens.
And I can tell you, people will remember the lady who fainted at the consecration!
Well I hope not XD
On the contrary, this is your initial avenue to meeting people and beginning friendships.
I think they were worried about me and thought I must be ill or something because of the whole fainting thing. I am a bit worried they thought I must be on drugs or something.
Possibly. But as they get to know you, they will see the hyperventilating calm and you will be perfectly normal.
Lest you think you are unique on this forum, I must tell you that we have a couple of young ladies that recently became Catholic who, like you, come from very different backgrounds. One, in fact, was raised atheist. But because they sought the truth, they found it — proving the wisdom of Jesus, who told us, “Seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you.”
David
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Steven Barrett
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| Joined: | Tue Nov 14th, 2006 |
| Location: | Hadley, Massachusetts USA |
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| First Name: | Steven | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic, Episcopal communicant, Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Tue May 13th, 2008 04:39 am |
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Hey Guys, In tribute to Sophia -- every one ought to make copies of her testimony and share it with people we know who are struggling. This woman really is a wonderful inspiration.
Come on home, Sophia. Your family ties just got a lot bigger. And with the net, we're only a click away! 
Steven
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For anyone suffering from a mental illness or has a loved one with a mental illness, my book "Lead kindly Light: A Devotional For The Mentally Ill" might be of some help: http://www.lulu.com/ (Use search box at the top of page.)
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Free
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| Joined: | Wed Nov 28th, 2007 |
| Location: | Michigan USA |
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| First Name: | Jane | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Presbyterian, Gnostic, non-denominational, Catholic |
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Posted: Tue May 13th, 2008 10:29 am |
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Sophia, I want to add my encouragement to that of the others, and I also want to point out something else. Like you, I was involved in spiritualities that were not only non-Christian but anti-Christian before turning to follow our Lord Jesus Christ. Because of our willing acquiesence to anti-Christian beliefs and practices, Satan and his demons exert their claim on us when we attempt to turn to Christ. Actually I think they have a right to do this, yet we also have the right to turn away from them. Because of these clashing rights, our turning to Christ will necessarily be fraught with hardship, much of it demeaning and inexplicable.
Even so, press on! Remember how much hardship St. Paul suffered, while most of the other apostles seemed to have an easier time of simply dropping their nets and following Jesus. I think it's because Paul persecuted Christians before turning to follow Jesus. Despite his rough conversion and the many hardships he suffered while preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ, Paul writes "press on!" Yes, you have the saints, angels and your brothers and sisters in Christ praying for you, yet you yourself must exert your will to break the chains with which you have allowed yourself to be bound.
Tell God and the evil one that you are willing to suffer whatever it takes to come into Christ's One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church.
Remember St. Paul's words: "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." (Gal. 5:1)
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kimdyuma
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Arizona USA |
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| First Name: | Kim | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | cradle Anglican, Episcopal /Catholic-04/07/07 |
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Posted: Tue May 13th, 2008 03:11 pm |
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| Sophia, Welcome. Since you are a reader two books I would recommend are Catholism for Dummies and the Complete book of the Mass by micheal Dubriel- those two books will go a long way towards helping you understand what is happening on a "how to level. As for the rest just go to Mass, don't worry about whether you used the correct knee or not - don't worry about not fully understanding what is going on- try to relax and watch what the people are doing in front of you- each week you will find that you have absorbed a little more until you feel at home. go to the church when it is empty- just kneel or sit and pray-look around the empty church while you are sitting there- get a good look at the Icons or stained glass and Statues. Take a few moments and thumb through the missal to get comfortable with the layout etc., that way on Sunday you won't feel like you are fumbling through pages blindly. I don't happen to like the missalettes used in our church so I subscribed to a magazine called The word among us"- it has two versions the cheaper one has daily readings and some essays, the slightly higher priced one has the litrugies( all the Mass). it fits in my purse. I also subscribed to This Rock, a magazine, with lots of apologetics. And last but not least- no question is too stupid to ask on this forum( believe me some of my posts have been doozies- right everyone?)
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Adopt from your local Humane Society- Please spay or neuter your pets
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Annie
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| Location: | Columbus, Ohio USA |
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| First Name: | Annie | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | nothing, Quaker, Mennonite, Presbyterian, Methodist, Anglican, Catholic |
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Posted: Tue May 13th, 2008 03:20 pm |
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Sophia I can really relate to you. I had to leave the Easter vigil Mass RIGHT NOW because I felt ill but the closest door was blocked by THE CHOIR of all things. I just pushed through them. EXCUSE ME. I think I heard God chuckling though. He does have a sense of humor you know.
I too, hope people DIDN'T NOTICE the person who left the vigil Mass right at the baptisms.
God works in mysterious ways, even using our frailties to cause friendships and peace.
God bless you.
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Annie
Ora et labora
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Talithacumi
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| Joined: | Sat Sep 30th, 2006 |
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| First Name: | Cheri | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic - Latin Rite |
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Posted: Tue May 13th, 2008 11:13 pm |
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Sophia,
(What a pretty name - I always thought if I had a little girl that's one name I might pick out for her). Anyway... Hullo! I can't help you out much as a convert since I'm a cradle Catholic, and sometimes I feel out of place here because of it in my lonelier moments. But then I think... well, maybe, just maybe... it can help people sometimes to hear things from a lifelong Catholic's point of view. Not that we all have the same experiences or the same amount of knowledge. We don't. For instance, Cajunrick (aka Kermit the Frog  ) is a lifer, too, but he's a lot smarter than I am. 
Anyway, I'm babbling. But I want to welcome you to the forum. I hear what you're saying. And your loneliness and all you're going through isn't just a convert thing. It's a human thing. Change is difficult. Trying to belong in a world that you're not used to is hard. Trying to catch on to a different way of life is no picnic. You just have to sail on, honey. Sometimes all you can do is ride the storm until it levels off. Right now you feel bewildered and alone and confused. Remember that "this, too, shall pass."
Don't be afraid of the Catholic Church. Try not to be overwhelmed by all that you think you might have to do. Baby steps. That's the key. Besides, we won't bite (at least, most of us won't ). You're all self-conscious about how you look or act or whatever. Don't worry. Catholics are generally used to visitors - even the smaller parishes. And even within the Church, there are all kinds of people. It's not like we expect people to all be or dress or act the same. Sure, there's that whole "unity" thing; we do need to be united - but we're also a very diverse group at the same time. I once had a professor who used to say, "There's beauty in diversity. Unity in the big things, variety in the little things..." The spice of life, ya know?
And like I said, your loneliness isn't just about joining the Catholic Church. Shoot, I've been Catholic all my life, and I still feel lonely sometimes - even within the arms of Mother Church. I suppose that's not exactly something I should admit to someone who's looking to join the Family. I don't want to discourage you! I'm just trying to point out that loneliness is an unfortunate part of the human condition - and believe me! - I know how that feels.
Yet, I also know that there's nowhere else to go, as St. Peter once said to Jesus when He asked His disciples, "Are you going to leave me, too?" - and Peter said, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of everlasting Life."
I know it's hard, not having anyone there to hold your hand and help you along. It's tough to go it alone. I will tell you that you aren't the only one from the UK on this forum. There are others here on the Journey as well. Check out the "Members" button on the top of this screen and it'll give you a list of the members on the forum and where they're from. There are several from the UK. Perhaps you could e-mail one or two of them and make a connection. Just a thought...
And of course, as everyone else here has said, this forum is a great place to get in touch with others who are on a similar journey; a great place to share and ask questions and feel safe in doing so. Comfortable. We all need a safe place to go when we're in our most trying times. For those who are in your shoes, I think this forum is a nice little haven. Stick around. I think you'll benefit greatly from it.
God bless +
JMJ
- Cheri
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“We do not want a Church that will move with the world; we want a Church that will move the world.”
- G.K. Chesterton
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CajunRick
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Posted: Wed May 14th, 2008 12:29 am |
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Talithacumi wrote: Cajunrick (aka Kermit the Frog ) is a lifer, too, but he's a lot smarter than I am.
Education and knowledge do not equate to intelligence. Working with hospice, I got to know some older people quite well, and I assure you, some of the smartest, wisest people I've ever known were illiterate.
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Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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philia
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| Joined: | Mon May 12th, 2008 |
| Location: | United Kingdom |
| Posts: | 16 |
| First Name: | Sophia | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | universal agnostic, marxist, pantheist, marxist again, non-marxist hegelian, atavistic polytheist, ... |
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Posted: Wed May 14th, 2008 08:19 pm |
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Steven Barrett:
eek, you're embarrassing me
Free:
Hmm, there are some things I sort of want to ask about that... but I dunno if I should, lots of little sleeping dogs that might be better left sleeping I suppose. In the sense that, its not that important to know the meanings of things that happened in the past is it?
Another thing though is, my parents are still in that sort of religion, have been since before I was born. I live in their house and to be frank my dad and I have the closest relationship I have had with anyone. I know there is nothing I can say to them that would ever change them. We have a wonderful relationship - most people I know when through a phase of "hating" their parents (or talking like that anyway) but I never had good things to say about mine (well I call my mum gullible, but that's because she believes everything she reads... even when she doesn't understand it, its not going to get in the way of my loving her though).
Should I say anything to them about it, even though they won't listen? They endure my arguing with them about abortion (which as someone who was very nearly aborted by them but they changed their minds at the last minuite and got married instead! was something I had strong feelings on before anyway) and for instance I know for a fact my mother has cursed people in the past, and I know that they try and manipulate the gods and systems of multitudes of religions just to get what they want and stuff - which to me seems disrespectful anyway, my mum actually said she wanted to become a bodisatva so she could be immortal but she doesn't want to attain nirvana because its a self negation, and she thinks she can manipulate the system and turn the method of buddhism to her own ends of immortality without believing in its motives... and actually I have spoken up about that, and I have spoken up about my mum getting people to pay her for tarot readings because I think it is manipulating the vunerable - but they didn't listen, although it didn't effect our relationship negatively - we are still close despite these things, they won't change, I won't approve - but we still get on. Should I do more than that? Would it be wrong for me to keep living in their house? they have their temple there and they invite their friends round to do rituals there. (I don't have anywhere else to go right now though).
kimdyuma:
Cannot wait till I have found a job so I can start blowing all my money on books again. Me and my friend used to go to the Church when it was empty, years ago when we were still in school. We liked hanging out in Churches (the anglicans have the best churches here though, beautiful old stainglass windows, medieval stone constructions, glorious altars, of course origianaly those churches would have been Catholic before Henry VIII stole them, but ahem...) but yeah we used to hang out there sometimes (hoping no-one else would come in and ask us what we were doing). We took some of those free plastic rosaries with these leaflets they had (with a really pretty picture of Mary on the front, both me and her still have it). I am scared to go in though because I don't want to accidentally do anything disrespectful - or maybe even think anything disrespectful, even by myself.
Annie:
I sat right at the back. Part of me thought I should sit forwarder so I could see and hear, but after the whole fainting thing I am so glad I sat at the back XD else everyone would have saw me.
Talithacumi:
Ya change is difficult. At my age everything seems to change so suddenly too. It's like one day you are a child and thats just fine, and the next you are thrust into the adult world to fend for yourself with no clue whatsoever and no-one to blame but yourself when you fail.
The whole how I look thing, I am not saying I wanted to look the same, just not stand out. I am weird enough without adding to it. One thing I've never been accused of is being too much like other people. All my school reports said I was "interesting" which my dad says is a euphemism for "freak!".
And, loneliness I can handle. I am sort of used to that. I thought before I really decided I wanted to be a Christian at all "but the thing is it would change nothing, I would still feel alone, I would still feel unceirtain, I would still be confused" and I do think that's true. I don't expect to stop being lonely because of "getting religion" I think if I were to stop feeling lonely then that would leave open the question that I was just trying to escape loneliness - if I were to start feeling ceirtain and sure of myself then it would imply I just wanted to take some kind of Murti-Bing pills. I think something will change, but it can't be a change of that kind because that would negate the validity of it.
I am not so much bothered by loneliness as by the sense of being naked in my ignorance. I wouldn't mind being naked if I was invisible, and I wouldn't mind being visible if I was not so naked, but both nakedness and visibility. Eek.
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Sophia M.
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Dave Armstrong
Network Apologist
| Joined: | Fri Nov 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | Melvindale, Michigan USA |
| Posts: | 1414 |
| First Name: | Dave | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Evangelical "Jesus Freak" (Arminian) / "Lewisian Schaefferite" / Catholic |
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Posted: Wed May 14th, 2008 08:36 pm |
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| See how cool and caring the people here are, Sophia? You've definitely found the right place to share about your quest.
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I'm happy to offer whatever theological & personal assistance I can. My blog, Biblical Evidence for Catholicism, contains 1900+ papers & web pages (absolutely free) & 16 apologetic books (for sale):
http://www.biblicalcatholic.com/
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philia
Member
| Joined: | Mon May 12th, 2008 |
| Location: | United Kingdom |
| Posts: | 16 |
| First Name: | Sophia | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | universal agnostic, marxist, pantheist, marxist again, non-marxist hegelian, atavistic polytheist, ... |
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Posted: Wed May 14th, 2008 08:42 pm |
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Dave Armstrong wrote: See how cool and caring the people here are, Sophia?
yes!
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Sophia M.
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Dave Armstrong
Network Apologist
| Joined: | Fri Nov 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | Melvindale, Michigan USA |
| Posts: | 1414 |
| First Name: | Dave | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Evangelical "Jesus Freak" (Arminian) / "Lewisian Schaefferite" / Catholic |
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Posted: Wed May 14th, 2008 08:43 pm |
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| You're cool too!!
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I'm happy to offer whatever theological & personal assistance I can. My blog, Biblical Evidence for Catholicism, contains 1900+ papers & web pages (absolutely free) & 16 apologetic books (for sale):
http://www.biblicalcatholic.com/
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