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K. Ewald
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| Joined: | Tue Feb 27th, 2007 |
| Location: | Florida USA |
| Posts: | 26 |
| First Name: | Kimberly | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic, then Baptist, Evangelical Covenant, Lutheran, & back to Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Feb 27th, 2007 03:39 pm |
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Hello!
I can sympathize with many of you on this board who are making the journey (or thinking about making the journey) to the Catholic Church on your own, without the support of your spouse. That is my situation as well.
I was baptized in the Catholic church, but my parents did not raise me Catholic. (It was a situation of the Catholic parent putting other priorities above Mass attendance on Sundays, so the non-Catholic parent went to the church where she felt at home.) During my growing-up years, I attended Baptist, non-demoninational, and Evangelical Covenant churches. I decided to become Lutheran, like my husband, after we'd been married seven years and it seemed the right thing to do for my family. Previous to this, we weren't attending church at all because we couldn't find one we both liked. The liturgical style of worship in the Lutheran church really freaked me out; and in non-liturgical churches, he felt like he wasn't even worshipping God at all.
Once I opened my heart to it, I found I really loved the liturgical style of worship in the Lutheran church (it's similar to Catholic). I hadn't expected that. Early on in our marriage, my husband and I had begun using Natural Family Planning (NFP), which I'd learned to use from a home-study course of The Couple to Couple League (a Catholic organization). CCL presents a lot of Church teaching in their materials, and I really came to understand and appreciate the Catholic position on marriage and family. It really made sense to me the whys and hows of the Church's belief that artificial contraception goes against God's beautiful plan for marriage.
Once I became Lutheran, I realized that the Lutheran church was not teaching the same things about marriage and family, sexuality, and the dignity of the human person. This started to bother me, and I wondered, "If the Catholic church is right about THIS, what else might they be right about?" So I started reading Fr. John Hardon's book, "The Catholic Catechism," and I began watching many programs on EWTN. I learned an enormous amount in a short time, and pretty soon I found myself really longing to become Catholic.
My husband knew I was studying Catholicism, and it didn't seem to bother him at all. We had many lively discussions, and he'd sometimes watch Fr. Corapi on EWTN with me. When we moved to Florida and I decided to start attending Mass, and then when I enrolled in RCIA, I think that's when he started to panic a bit. He comes from a long, long line of devout German Lutherans, so he had/has no interest in becoming Catholic. I give him credit for attending RCIA with me, up through the Inquiry phase, at which time he quit going, mainly because he didn't want to have to participate in the Rite of Acceptance. He likes to learn, but he doesn't want to do anything that might put him in danger of even LOOKING Catholic!
Now that we are in Lent and my conversion is approaching at Easter, things have become especially strained. We don't talk about my decision to become Catholic. We still attend the Lutheran church every Sunday morning as a family (we have three small boys), and I'll continue to join my family at church even after I convert. But now it's come about that, because of my baptism, my Protestant marriage is considered by the Church to be "irregular," and it will have to be convalidated in order for me to participate fully in the sacraments at Easter. My husband knew this might be the case, but he is very grumpy about it. At the moment, I know I need to approach him about it so we can meet with the deacon to discuss what it means, etc., and arrange to actually do the ceremony. I just hate for it to end up in an argument. What if he refuses?
I have really struggled with wondering if I am failing to be a submissive wife by choosing to enter the Catholic church without my husband. He hasn't said, "I forbid," or anything like that. He does seem to understand that each person must decide for him/herself where the truth lies, but I can tell he resents any time I spend at the Catholic church. I wonder if this will negatively affect our family. I know I will be required to educate my children about the Catholic faith, but I worry about whether this will anger my husband, as he especially has difficulties accepting Catholic teachings about Mary and the saints, the authority of the Magisterium, and about after-life issues (purgatory).
The Lord seems to be continuing to remind me that my ultimate loyalty lies with HIM, and that I needn't worry about my husband. I know that I am to be a gentle witness for my husband. I had considered waiting for him (as those in the Church have assured me that everything happens in "God's time"), but the truth is, it is very possible my husband will NEVER feel called to become Catholic. My soul longs to be in union with the Catholic church. What if I chose to wait for my husband and ended up never becoming Catholic at all? Considering that I already AM Catholic, in the technical sense, it seems right to be confirmed and receive first holy communion at Easter. I don't see how I could stay Lutheran when I know God has called me home to the Catholic church.
Oh, but it IS lonely. So often you hear stories where the husband converts first, or where the wife converts and her husband doesn't really care. The deacon who leads my RCIA class says he's never seen a situation where it was the wife converting while having to face this kind of "resistance" from her husband. I think I'll have to read that book, "When Only One Converts." Perhaps I'll find some others like me in there.
I pray God's blessing on all of us here who are feeling so alone in the journey towards Catholicism. Praise God---we know that all things work together for good to those who love Him!
Kimberly
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susiedear
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| Joined: | Thu Oct 12th, 2006 |
| Location: | Twin Cities, Minnesota USA |
| Posts: | 186 |
| First Name: | Elizabeth | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Pentecostal / Evangelical / Catholic! |
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Posted: Tue Feb 27th, 2007 04:45 pm |
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Yes, Kimberly, it is a good idea to read "When Only One Converts"; there are several stories from women who converted without their husbands. Reading about them helped me on my journey to Catholicism.
Have you also read any of the "Surprised By Truth" books? Some of those stories relates to situations similar to yours and mine. We are not alone!
When I started to seriously consider Catholicism about three years ago, my husband was skeptical and detached. Going to Mass on Saturday was fine because it didn't interfer with the family or his needs. I didn't get involved in parish life because I was concerned about antagonism at home. After some time, however, he became curious and started to ask questions now and then. Now, just a few weeks from my confirmation, he is supportive and even open to considering Catholicism for himself, "just not yet" (his words). He used money from our let's-be-irresponsible fund to buy a gorgeous gold crucifix for me, which he had engraved with the words "welcome home" on the back. I gushed tears of joy, not only for the gift, but for the deep meaning it holds.
God can do the same work in your husband. With time, and through the work of the Holy Spirit, your husband can see how true and beautiful Catholicism is and will want it for himself.
God bless you, Kimberly, as you continue to go down this lonely road. I pray that the day will come when your husband and sons will join you.
Elizabeth
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But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the return you get is sanctification and its end, eternal life. St. Augustine
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thestickman
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| Joined: | Sun Dec 17th, 2006 |
| Location: | Taylors, South Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 17 |
| First Name: | Brett | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Church of Christ, now Roman Catholic by the Grace of ... |
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Posted: Tue Feb 27th, 2007 04:50 pm |
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Kimberly,
Hang in there, gal and most importantly, WELCOME HOME!
It's been my experience since the day I attended Mass for the 1st time (3 years ago this month), God works His Wonders and Miracles in accordance with His Will which seldom corresponds to our personal timetable. Don't be surprised, if, when you least expect it, your husband is Moved to convert and be brought into the fullness of the Catholic Church.
In Christ,
Brett
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K. Ewald
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| Joined: | Tue Feb 27th, 2007 |
| Location: | Florida USA |
| Posts: | 26 |
| First Name: | Kimberly | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic, then Baptist, Evangelical Covenant, Lutheran, & back to Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Feb 27th, 2007 04:52 pm |
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Thank you, Elizabeth! How fun to "meet" another person getting ready to be confirmed this Easter! And I'm originally from Minnesota, too.
I have read the first "Surprised by Truth" book and enjoyed it very much.
How beautiful that your husband bought you a crucifix. You know, my husband actually bought me my first Catholic Bible, and he gave me a gift certificate to the Catholic bookstore in town for my birthday. I remembered those things when I read your story, and it gives me a bit of hope.
I, too, am so happy to be coming home!
Thanks for your reply!
Kimberly
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CajunRick
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Posted: Tue Feb 27th, 2007 05:32 pm |
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First of all, Kimberly, welcome home, and welcome to CHN. We're glad to have you with us. Several of our members have shared your experiences and they will be happy to offer you advice and counsel, sometimes when you don't even know you want it!
K. Ewald wrote:
My husband knew I was studying Catholicism, and it didn't seem to bother him at all. We had many lively discussions, and he'd sometimes watch Fr. Corapi on EWTN with me. When we moved to Florida and I decided to start attending Mass, and then when I enrolled in RCIA, I think that's when he started to panic a bit. He comes from a long, long line of devout German Lutherans, so he had/has no interest in becoming Catholic. I give him credit for attending RCIA with me, up through the Inquiry phase, at which time he quit going, mainly because he didn't want to have to participate in the Rite of Acceptance. He likes to learn, but he doesn't want to do anything that might put him in danger of even LOOKING Catholic!
As I have said here before, my sister prayed for her husband for 30 years but never once asked him to convert. He made that choice on his own. By the way, he could have attended RCIA as an observer just to learn, and not participated in any of the Rites.
I can't tell if that might make him look Catholic, because I don't know what a Catholic looks like. We are a mighty diverse group of over a billion people.
We still attend the Lutheran church every Sunday morning as a family (we have three small boys), and I'll continue to join my family at church even after I convert.
And that's fine, as long as you don't participate in their sacraments. However, it is also important that you don't let your attendance at Lutheran services outweigh your desire to attend mass. It is important that you set that example for your husband and sons.
But now it's come about that, because of my baptism, my Protestant marriage is considered by the Church to be "irregular," and it will have to be convalidated in order for me to participate fully in the sacraments at Easter.
Have you ever thought of asking him just to renew his vows to you? That's really all it is. When you renew your vows in the presence of the priest, your marriage becomes valid in the eyes of the Church.
It is important to the Church that the sanctity of marriage is protected, and unless the Church's official witness is present (the priest), how can he testify that you exchanged vows willingly and with full knowledge and consent? After all, the Church has no way to know that your dad wasn't holding a shotgun to his head!
If renewing your vows in a Catholic Church is a real problem for your husband, perhaps your pastor would be willing to let you renew your vows in your Lutheran church, or to invite your Lutheran pastor to the Catholic ceremony. It is not the Church's desire just to make you "jump through hoops" to make things difficult; since the home is the Domestic Church where most of our Christian faith is passed on from parent to child, the Church has a vested interest in assuring the validity of the marriage, and that can only happen if the Church is present (through its witness) to see what's going on.
My husband knew this might be the case, but he is very grumpy about it. At the moment, I know I need to approach him about it so we can meet with the deacon to discuss what it means, etc., and arrange to actually do the ceremony. I just hate for it to end up in an argument. What if he refuses?
There are other ways that a marriage can be validated. With the bishop's permission in advance, a Protestant minister or even a judge can perform the ceremony. No permission is necessary if the priest is able to be present. And in some rare circumstances, a marriage can be declared valid by the Church even without witnessing the exchange of vows. The Church will bend over backwards to accomodate you, but the simplest method is just to renew your vows in front of a priest. If he refuses, it will delay and quite possibly prevent your entry into the Church.
I have really struggled with wondering if I am failing to be a submissive wife by choosing to enter the Catholic church without my husband.
Most people who remember the "wives be submissive" line forget the next part. It says, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the Church." Christ does not dominate the Church. He nurtures her, protects her, preserves her, and always does what's best for her. If your husband prevents you from completing your faith journey, is he loving you as Christ loves the Church? In this case, you don't have to be submissive to him; he can prevent you from becoming Catholic with a simple "No." But that is not how Christ loves the Church, so that's not following scripture, it's violating scripture.
You must discuss this with him as soon as possible. If necessary, remind him that it is his responsibility to love you as Christ loves the Church.
He hasn't said, "I forbid," or anything like that. He does seem to understand that each person must decide for him/herself where the truth lies, but I can tell he resents any time I spend at the Catholic church.
Lutherans tend to be extremely anti-Catholic, even though they won't say so. My brother-in-law was Lutheran when he and my sister were dating in the 50's. His family fished and went shrimping and crabbing, and even dredged for oysters. (I live in Louisiana ... seafood is everywhere.) They would eat seafood six nights a week, but they always had meat on Friday just so no one would doubt they were not Catholic. He also refused to marry her in a Catholic church, so she became Lutheran. They are still together, but I believe she secretly resents his refusal to allow her to practice her faith.
I wonder if this will negatively affect our family. I know I will be required to educate my children about the Catholic faith, but I worry about whether this will anger my husband, as he especially has difficulties accepting Catholic teachings about Mary and the saints, the authority of the Magisterium, and about after-life issues (purgatory).
On Mary and the Saints, suggest that he read the teachings of Martin Luther. Luther had a strong devotion to Mary that he carried to his deathbed. As for Purgatory and the Magisterium, you will just have to agree to disagree.
I don't see how I could stay Lutheran when I know God has called me home to the Catholic church.
If your husband truly loves you as Christ loves the Church, he couldn't allow you to stay away.
Oh, but it IS lonely. So often you hear stories where the husband converts first, or where the wife converts and her husband doesn't really care. The deacon who leads my RCIA class says he's never seen a situation where it was the wife converting while having to face this kind of "resistance" from her husband.
We actually have several members here who have faced or are facing that exact situation. I'm sure many of them will be happy to share their experiences with you.
I think I'll have to read that book, "When Only One Converts." Perhaps I'll find some others like me in there.
It is an excellent book, and you definitely should read it.
You will be in our prayers as you face this final hurdle on your journey.
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K. Ewald
Member
| Joined: | Tue Feb 27th, 2007 |
| Location: | Florida USA |
| Posts: | 26 |
| First Name: | Kimberly | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic, then Baptist, Evangelical Covenant, Lutheran, & back to Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Feb 27th, 2007 06:48 pm |
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Rick,
Thank you for your helpful comments. It was kind of you to take the time to write.
Before I knew for sure that my husband and I would have to have our marriage convalidated, I did suggest to him that it would be just like renewing our vows, which people do all the time. I also mentioned that he could do it because he loves me. I said, "And if you DON'T love me, then we can just get an annulment and be done with it!" (half-joking, of course!) I completely understand the Church's stance on this and realize they don't make laws to be nit-picky or to annoy people. The Church is just trying to protect the sacrament of marriage and protect Catholics and guard the faith. Initially, I was kind of shocked---"how dare they!" kind of thing---and that's how my husband sees it. But I think it will be okay. I know he does love me; I can't imagine him refusing. I just hope I won't be renewing my vows with him having a grouchy look on his face!
I know that once I am Catholic I will not be participating in communion at the Lutheran church (I still do so now, though I am slightly uneasy about it). I do feel bad about that as far as it meaning that my husband will go up to receive without me. But oh well. I will go to Mass on Saturday (vigil) or Sunday evenings, as I've been doing.
Funnily, my husband doesn't much care to talk about what Martin Luther ACTUALLY believed. I've remarked to him before about how Luther was devoted to Mary, how he prayed to the saints, etc. But that doesn't matter to him; he still doesn't "get it." Again, I say, "Oh well." We haven't been discussing this stuff for months now. It came to a point where I knew I needed to step back, lest I look like I'm trying to push him into converting.
By "looking" Catholic, I meant that if he stood up in front of the assembly at Mass, he would appear to be part of things---he'd "look Catholic." But you know, what you said about how he could have continued in RCIA even without going through the Rite....I wish we'd known that, because I was under the impression that if a person wasn't willing (not just unable, but UNWILLING) to participate in that rite, then they were in effect closing the door on the rest of the RCIA journey. PROBABLY my husband would have quit going at that point anyway, especially after that last night when he "locked horns" with the deacon/instructor (it wasn't personal, it was just about a Church authority issue, I believe).
It's good to know there are others here at CHN who have been in my shoes. I'll have to scout them out! I just ordered that book, "When Only One Converts," so I look forward to reading that.
Anyway......the baby is awake and needs to get out of his crib. Thanks again for your comments. I'm sure we'll talk again soon.
Kimberly
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koke3
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| Joined: | Tue Feb 27th, 2007 |
| Location: | Cincinnati, Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 1 |
| First Name: | Michael | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Roman Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Feb 27th, 2007 08:44 pm |
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Kimberly,
Welcome Home!
When you come to serve the Lord, prepare yourself for trials-(Sirach2:1). Rejoice and be glad! Your faith will be stronger. I will say a prayer for you and you should pray that your husband will find the wisdom to learn what the Catholic faith is all about. Once he agrees with one "hard" belief, it seems that all the others fall into place. For your part I think you should go to Catholic Mass and pray and study at home also. Mainly, show your faith with love. He will come around. Note: This is my first post. I hope I come across O.K.
Your brother in Christ,
Michael of White Oak
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CajunRick
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Posted: Tue Feb 27th, 2007 08:51 pm |
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koke3 wrote: Kimberly,
Welcome Home!
And welcome to you as well, Michael. We're happy to have you here with us. Please tell us a little about yourself. If yours is not a conversion/reversion story, feel free to post it in Fellowship Hall!
Thank you for joining us at CHN.
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Flowerchild
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| Joined: | Wed Oct 11th, 2006 |
| Location: | Washington USA |
| Posts: | 35 |
| First Name: | Terri | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Presbyterian to nothing to Lutheran to now Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Feb 27th, 2007 11:49 pm |
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Hi Kimberly,
I just wanted to say that I too understand what you are going through. My husband also comes from a very strong Lutheran background. I was so afraid to tell him about my Catholic journey. I waited for almost a year before I even said anything. (I just told him about 3 weeks ago, so this is very new!) My husband is a wonderful person, but he also believes that the Lutheran church is the only "right" church. I believe that it is the stong headed Norwegian in him, but he does not see it that way. ( )
When I first told him about my very strong desire to become Catholic, he was shocked to say the least! Yet, he was very supportive of what I needed to do. Now that the shock has worn off, and he is maybe not so sure. When I read a book about Catholicism he still stares at me as though I have lost my mind. Horns I am sure are coming out of my head. As you can see I still have a very long way to go. I see myself as the little girl on the lake shore. Where at first she only puts her big toe in to test the water and to see the ripples of her actions. A true adventure still awaits me.
It is very impressive that you got your husband to attend RCIA classes with you. My husband would love the learning, but I also fear that he would balk at the thought of someone thinking he was converting. Being Lutheran is who he is, and I don't believe that I am the one who can change that. It will be Gods grace if he ever decides to make a change. I did ask him if he would go to classes with me and all I got was "Go to classes!" I might still get him there if anything to prove to me that the Lutheran church is the only church. We will see. I see some lively debates both in and out of RCIA if he does go. Yikes or should I say Yipie! 
I am glad that you have found CHN. You will find great support and kindness throughout the CHN forums.
Welcome,
Terri
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Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
St. Francis of Assisi
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K. Ewald
Member
| Joined: | Tue Feb 27th, 2007 |
| Location: | Florida USA |
| Posts: | 26 |
| First Name: | Kimberly | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic, then Baptist, Evangelical Covenant, Lutheran, & back to Catholic |
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Posted: Thu Mar 1st, 2007 12:20 pm |
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Dear Terri-
Thank you so much for your post. I'm happy to know I'm not alone!
What you said about your husband believing the Lutheran church is the "right" one is exactly true for my husband, too. He tells our kids it's "God's favorite church." I think many people don't quite understand how INGRAINED a Lutheran upbringing is for these kinds of folks. Like you said, it's who they ARE. Kind of like if someone is Jewish---even if they aren't religious or practicing their faith, they still consider themselves JEWISH. My husband's Lutheranism is something he practically considers written on his DNA! Like your guy, it would really take some serious work of the Holy Spirit to change his mind and heart---nothing I say, and no amount of RCIA classes or EWTN programs is going to do the trick.
Most frustrating for me is the complete unwillingness to acknowledge any authority by the Magisterium. Lutherans REALLY dislike the whole idea of the papacy and such. They don't believe Peter was the first pope, and they believe their pastors are part of the apostolic succession. They also are taught in their confirmation classes that the Catholic church of Luther's time was SO corrupt and awful that the Holy Spirit LEFT it altogether and instead took up with the Lutheran church, which they see as the "new" Catholic church---that's how it's so easy for them to believe it's the "right" one, God's "favorite."
When I first started learning and questioning, there were certain Catholic beliefs I had a hard time with---the typical Protestant problems with Mary and the saints, purgatory, etc. What really helped me--and might help your husband, though it certainly didn't do a thing for mine---was to consider the pope and the bishops vs. myself. I thought, "How much time each day do I spend deep in prayer, asking for the guidance of the Holy Spirit to show me the truth and what is right and good and holy?" Answer: Sadly, not nearly as much as I could and should. "How much time does the POPE spend each day deep in prayer asking for the guidance of the Holy Spirit, etc.?" Answer: HOURS! Now, based on that, who is likely going to have the right answers about matters of faith and morals? Duh. Right? Just being able to put it in that perspective was HUGE for me. I was able to open my heart to the fact that all that stuff might really be true. And when I opened my heart, the Lord blessed me with the gift of faith, and now I DO believe it, and it makes so much sense to me, and I'm constantly amazed at the beauty of the Church's teachings.
Anyway, I hope you can get your husband to go to RCIA. Just let him know there is NO COMMITMENT involved. He can just go to hear what they have to say, ask questions, etc. And then he'll know what you're learning, so you can discuss it. He can try to change your mind! When I first started learning about Catholicism, and even once I began RCIA, I think my husband figured I'd learn enough to realize the Catholic church was totally awful; instead, the opposite happened. So that has been the struggle, and now with the "irregular marriage" thing.....
Let's you and I both just trust God that it will all work out. He ALWAYS knows what He is doing! See you around the forum!
Kimberly
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Flowerchild
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| Joined: | Wed Oct 11th, 2006 |
| Location: | Washington USA |
| Posts: | 35 |
| First Name: | Terri | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Presbyterian to nothing to Lutheran to now Catholic |
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Posted: Thu Mar 1st, 2007 08:40 pm |
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Kimberly,
Ok, the DNA comment is oh so true. I am sure if they looked at my husband's DNA there would be a strand that has a little Viking guy on it and underneath him it would be stamped "Lutheran".
Thank you so much for your total understanding of my situation and also the great chuckle.
I have another question and it might be best moved to the Marriage section, but your statement:
"because of my baptism, my Protestant marriage is considered by the Church to be "irregular," and it will have to be convalidated in order for me to participate fully in the sacraments at Easter."
What makes it irregular if you don't mind me asking? I was told that because my husband and I were married in the Lutheran Church that the Catholic Church would recognize the marriage. Am I wrong?
I will be so impressed if you get your husband to do that! Even with the "Because you love me" (which I would be using that line too), I have a hard time seeing my husband doing that. Not only my husband, but the rest of my own family and his family would flip out! Stong Lutherans come from strong Lutherans.
Bless you for all that you are going through!
Terri
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Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
St. Francis of Assisi
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CajunRick
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Posted: Thu Mar 1st, 2007 09:50 pm |
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Flowerchild wrote: "because of my baptism, my Protestant marriage is considered by the Church to be "irregular," and it will have to be convalidated in order for me to participate fully in the sacraments at Easter."
What makes it irregular if you don't mind me asking? I was told that because my husband and I were married in the Lutheran Church that the Catholic Church would recognize the marriage. Am I wrong?
Kimberly is baptized Catholic, so she is bound by Catholic marriage rules. Her marriage is not valid to the Church unless it was witnessed by a priest or deacon.
If neither husband nor wife have ever been Catholic, their Protestant marriage is recognized by the Church.
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Darlene
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Pocono Mountains, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 868 |
| First Name: | Darlene | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Christian, trusting His love and forgiveness |
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Posted: Fri Mar 2nd, 2007 01:31 am |
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Hello Kimberly,
I don't know what is more difficult, a strong-willed Lutheran husband, or a Evangelical/Fundamentalist born again husband. My husband is the latter.
I think he is genuinely concerned for my salvation. And for that I am appreciative. He should be concerned for my salvation. But he does not think in any way, that the Roman Catholic Church is the One, True, Apostolic Church founded by Jesus Christ on St. Peter. As he recently said, "It has all the trappings of the real thing, but it ain't the real thing."
Yet, we can pray together, and we are in agreement about the unscriptural things preached in our non-denominational church. Often, we both leave church on Sunday with the same frustrations. I think that if I said I would like to attend another church, (Protestant that is) he would be fine with that. But I am through with church hopping/shopping, whatever you want to call it.
Increasingly I have come "out of the closet" and it is freeing to my spirit. I read Catholic books in his presence, and he says nothing, though I know he is somewhat uncomfortable with it. Today, I said to him, "When are we going to get that painting of The Last Supper to hang on the wall?" His reply, "When you become Catholic." (with a smirk on his face) That blank space on the wall has been that way since we moved in our house ten years ago. We have a large catherdral ceiling and the blank wall is right over the entrance to our living room. We have never agreed thus far what should hang there.
Prayer truly changes things and I can say that my husband is slowly learning to adjust to my journey of faith. In the beginning, which was about 6 months ago, he was far more resistant and angry.
Ask the Holy Spirit to continue to change you on the inside. I have never wanted to pray as much in all the many years that I have been a Protestant, as I do now that I am desirous of being Catholic. My husband has witnessed a change in me, and has commented positively about it. If your husband sees improvements in your walk with the Lord, that may make him more open to the Catholic faith.
My prayers are with you, dear sister in Christ.
Darlene
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The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. II Corinthians 13:14
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K. Ewald
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| Joined: | Tue Feb 27th, 2007 |
| Location: | Florida USA |
| Posts: | 26 |
| First Name: | Kimberly | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic, then Baptist, Evangelical Covenant, Lutheran, & back to Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Mar 2nd, 2007 02:00 pm |
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Dear Darlene,
Thank you for your note. I have read several of your posts on this board and have enjoyed reading what you have to say. It's always nice to meet others who are going through the same stuff!
What you said about your husband being concerned about your salvation should you become Catholic---that strikes me. I know you're not the only person whose spouse has had that kind of reaction. At least my husband does not question that Catholics are actually Christians. Even if a person has trouble with certain teachings of the Church or isn't fond of the idea that it's the "one true church established by Christ," at least if they realize it's CHRISTIAN, that's one major hurdle gotten over.
For your situation, it sounds like your husband must have this deep-down knowing that what you're doing is okay, even if he's not exactly sure why or how. What I mean is, if you and he have been going to church together all these years and can talk freely about what is right and wrong at your present church, and if you pray together, then he must know you are a person looking to follow the Lord. He must, at some level, trust that you have not been deceived---or that if you WERE being deceived, that God would show you before it was "too late."
Here's a funny suggestion: Pick your favorite Catholic book---or one you think would be especially great for him to read---and put it in the bathroom, right next to (or on the back of) the toilet. I know that sounds really stupid, but that is how I got my husband to read almost the entirety of Scott Hahn's book "The Lamb's Supper: The Mass as Heaven on Earth." For him, as a Lutheran, this was a good book to read, since a Lutheran church service is so incredibly similar to a Catholic Mass. For your husband, maybe you could try that Carl Keating (?) book...what's it called? "From Fundamentalism to Catholicism" or something like that. Or even just something basic like "Catholicism for Dummies." Or something more intellectually intense, even, like Fr. John Hardon's "The Catholic Catechism." Well, I'm sure you can think of a whole bunch of good choices. Make sure to stick a bookmark inside the front cover; that way, if he marks his place, you'll be able to see where he is in his reading. Sneaky, huh? 
Like you, I've found I pray way more now than I ever used to. I also have a MUCH easier time sharing my faith with others. I'm kind of a "Dear Abby" type to my friends, so I've found it works really well to take a beautiful, basic, moral truth and use that as a springboard to talk about my faith. Also, just in general "what-have-you-been-up-to" discussion, when I share that I've been busy with church and how wonderful it's been, they want to know why, what's so great about the Catholic church? I've been able to share with friends who aren't Christians at all and with those who've not been to church in ages. When you're part of a church that really teaches the truth, it's hard NOT to want to share with everyone.
Keep learning and praying, Darlene. Thanks again for your note. I'll see you around the forum!
Your Sister in Christ,
Kimberly
Last edited on Fri Mar 2nd, 2007 02:06 pm by K. Ewald
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Flowerchild
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 11th, 2006 |
| Location: | Washington USA |
| Posts: | 35 |
| First Name: | Terri | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Presbyterian to nothing to Lutheran to now Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Mar 2nd, 2007 02:48 pm |
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Thanks Rick!
My stomach was a little twisted in knots thinking that I may have to ask that of my husband. Not that my husband would not re-new our vows if that is what I really wanted. Just like Kimberly's husband, he will do it because she asked and he loves her.
Kimberly, I bet that your husband will have a glowing smile as you re-new your vows! How could he not! The words that are spoken are so beautiful and meaningful. When you speak the words it will be as though the world has now the right pieces in place.
However, I have no doubt that you will see the grumpy face throughout the week leading up to the event and the day of. My suggestion would be to take separate cars, and make sure he gets there before you do. Then when you walk in looking beautiful and hold a beautiful bouquet all he will be able to do is smile and realize how lucky he is.
God Bless,
Terri
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Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
St. Francis of Assisi
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K. Ewald
Member
| Joined: | Tue Feb 27th, 2007 |
| Location: | Florida USA |
| Posts: | 26 |
| First Name: | Kimberly | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic, then Baptist, Evangelical Covenant, Lutheran, & back to Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Mar 2nd, 2007 06:46 pm |
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Terri,
Actually, we are trying to get a radical sanation, due to my husband's extreme lack of willingness to convalidate the marriage through vow renewal. It's not that he doesn't love me and want to stay married, he just refuses to accept any notion that our marriage hasn't been valid since day one. It's understandable, especially given that I didn't CHOOSE to disregard canon law regarding marriage. I simply was unaware of it. I mean I had not one iota of an idea that I might need special "permission" to marry outside the Church, and no one ever brought it up.
If radical sanation is out of the question, then I'll have to try to talk him into the convalidation ceremony, at which point he will, as you said, have a grumpy expression for the whole week leading up to it! I would certainly hope you're right that he would be very happy and glad of it during the actual event!
Kim
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CajunRick
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Posted: Fri Mar 2nd, 2007 09:02 pm |
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K. Ewald wrote: Actually, we are trying to get a radical sanation, due to my husband's extreme lack of willingness to convalidate the marriage through vow renewal.
We wish you the best, and we'll be praying for you.
If you do get the radical sanation, you might want to ask him to renew your vows anyway, just to get him into the Church and convince him of your sincerity. Just a thought...
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Darlene
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Pocono Mountains, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 868 |
| First Name: | Darlene | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Christian, trusting His love and forgiveness |
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Posted: Sat Mar 3rd, 2007 03:12 am |
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Hello Again,
Kimberly, you and your husband have been in my prayers. As to your suggestion regarding leaving reading material in his sight, I have done that. I have left books, such as "Catholicism and Fundamentalism," "Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic," and a short writing on the Holy Eucharist by Steve Ray on the de-humidifier in the bathroom. Also, I have many Catholic books, in plain view next to the couch in the living room. I have left the Catholic Catechism out and left various Catholic writings and books on the counter near the bills to be paid, and on the kitchen table. So he has ample opportunity to read them. As to whether he has, at this point, only God knows.
I would love to read "The Lamb's Supper" by Scott Hahn. While some have difficulty understanding him, I find him to be very uplifting. I love his show after the Journey Home on Monday evenings. He went through his book, "Lord Have Mercy" and is now doing "Letter and Spirit." I've been told by the priest in the parish I attend, that Scott gave a presentation there about a year ago. I was so glad to hear that. The parish I am attending is not liberal, like many of them tend to be in the Northeast. In fact, it is in the Scranton Diocese, whose Bishop has a weekly program on EWTN.
God Bless you on your journey toward the Catholic Church.
Darlene
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The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. II Corinthians 13:14
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susiedear
Member
| Joined: | Thu Oct 12th, 2006 |
| Location: | Twin Cities, Minnesota USA |
| Posts: | 186 |
| First Name: | Elizabeth | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Pentecostal / Evangelical / Catholic! |
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Posted: Mon Mar 5th, 2007 09:55 am |
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Dear Kimberly, another "sneaky" thing I have done is when we have taken a road trip, and the kids are plugged into a DVD, I will play a CD by Fr. Larry Richards, Scott Hahn, Fr. Corapi, et. al, on the car's CD player. My husband is always hooked and is a totally captive audience!
Good sources for CDs are the Mary Foundation, The Reason for our Hope.org, and Lighthouse Catholic Media, to name a few.
May God bless you and yours as you continue on the road toward conversion!
Elizabeth
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But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the return you get is sanctification and its end, eternal life. St. Augustine
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Credo Catholic
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| Joined: | Sat May 5th, 2007 |
| Location: | Greenville, South Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 1553 |
| First Name: | Marsha | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Jun 26th, 2007 04:47 pm |
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| I just found this thread today, and I have been sitting here in tears laughing at the suggestions to leave catholic books in the bathroom! And with a bookmark to see where they are reading! The dog came in to see what was going on, I really was LOL! How wonderfully sneaky...!
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