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marcquey
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| Joined: | Thu Dec 27th, 2007 |
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| First Name: | Marcquey | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptised United, completed RCIA in 1990 when I received first ... |
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Posted: Thu Dec 27th, 2007 09:16 am |
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I went through the RCIA course in 1989/90 and received my first communion at the Easter Vigil in 1990. I have a problem with reconciliation. After reading several posts here, I find there are several things I don't remember being taught, for example I don't remember prayers for act of contrition.
I feel embarrassed going to reconciliation as I don't know what to say or do. I've asked several people, and have not received a clear answer. Do I go in (as they do in the movies) and say "Forgive me father for I have sinned"??? What exactly do I say. I don't want to do or say something I'm not supposed to, and I certainly don't want to sound like I'm reading a script from a movie. I want to feel comfortable, but I don't. My only times I have been I have faced the priest and told him that I don't feel comfortable and he tried to help, but all I did was get emotional. Although I really loved my priest, he is a wonderful man, I still did not feel any better after leaving.
It was not a bad experience, but it wasn't a great one either and because of this it has been several years since I was back, and those times I had to force myself to go. If I had someone to tell me .. yes this is what everyone says, this is what the priest hears every day.. that would help.
I hope I can receive some guidance here. I believe in reconciliation, but I just can't bring myself to go in when I don't know what to do.
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David W. Emery
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Brownsville, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 1714 |
| First Name: | David | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Thu Dec 27th, 2007 09:59 am |
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To help put your mind at ease, Marcquey, the only thing that has to be done in a formal manner in the sacrament of reconciliation is the absolution, and that is done by the priest. So you are off the hook.
Yes, there is a traditional form that is recommended, and it is available in a number of popular booklets that provide an examination of conscience. A trip to your local Catholic bookstore should provide you with something.
I too prefer the face to face method of confessing my sins. It helps, I think, to “confront” them symbolically in this way. Others are more concerned with anonymity. But the anonymity comes at a price, because the priest has less chance to get to know you, and this is where the traditional form becomes almost mandatory. It leads you through the process of the sacrament. This is why I suggest a booklet to refer to. You could use resources from the internet, but you can’t take that into the confessional. 
The rest is probably fear and anxiety. Here, you need to be assured that the priest has heard it all before, and you have a right to expect him to be both available and helpful when you have a need for the sacrament. The rest is a matter of the unfamiliarity. It takes regular reception of the sacrament to get used to it so it will no longer bother you. The turning point in my own life was when I was facing a series of crises. I had such a need that I went almost weekly for several years. Boy, did that ever cure me of holding back!
By the way, welcome to the forum.
David
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kimdyuma
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Arizona USA |
| Posts: | 710 |
| First Name: | Kim | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | cradle Anglican, Episcopal /Catholic-04/07/07 |
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Posted: Thu Dec 27th, 2007 11:15 am |
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| After my very first confession I had kind of a let down feeling like "is that all" but I went again and then again... The first time was a private session in the office, the second was behind the screen, the next face to face in the confessional and the most recent was again behind the screen. What I have found is that from being a reluctant particiapnt I now find that I need to go regularly and come out of the box feeling much lighter. I think that for some people the feeling of forgiveness and lightness comes right from the git go but for some of us it is a growing in faith. I was an Anglican and we say an confession prayer that was so close but not the same. In trying to learn the Catholic version of the act of contrition I got the two mixed and couldn't learn either so now I just let my memory say the words which means that the Anglican act of contrition is the one that comes out the most! Tell the priest that you are new to this sacrement and he will help you through it.
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Adopt from your local Humane Society- Please spay or neuter your pets
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wmschrader
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| Joined: | Fri Dec 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Fort Myers, Florida USA |
| Posts: | 82 |
| First Name: | Bill | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Methodist, Lutheran, Catholic |
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Posted: Thu Dec 27th, 2007 12:48 pm |
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I found a book that was most helpful to me. It is called "How to make a good confession" by John Kane published by Sophia Press. Their web site is http://www.sophiainstitute.com
I think one has to "learn" how to go to confession just like one needs to learn how to drive. Practice by going frequently - every two weeks if you can. Do not be embarassed when going, just tell Father you are nervous and he will help you. Feel free to bring in a book in with you that helps you with the format and prayers.
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Bill
Glory be to God for all things
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Tina in Ashburn
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| Joined: | Mon May 21st, 2007 |
| Location: | Ashburn, Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 263 |
| First Name: | Tina | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Cradle Roman Catholic, Ukranian Catholic, presently practicing as Roman Latin ... |
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Posted: Thu Dec 27th, 2007 02:24 pm |
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Welcome to the Forum, Marcquey!
Oh so you think we enjoy going in to the priest and accusing ourselves of our sins and failings? There's uncertainty and self-respect and all sorts of stuff goin on. This is so normal to be reticent to go to confession. Normal. Normal. Normal. 
The most encouraging aspect about going to confession is that God gives grace to overcome the very sin you confess.
It helps me to remember that the priest acts In Persona Christi. I remind myself that I am talking to Jesus and He to me. This is the most comforting and encouraging sentiment for me. When I meditate on this gift of confession, I come to realize that it is a loving gift with so many graces. The Sacrament is more like wonderful heavenly candy rather than something oppressive.
I have been in a lot of confessionals where the Act of Contrition is taped up somewhere as a reference. So there is nothing wrong with reading your Act of Contrition if you think you will forget the words. There is nothing wrong with taking in a book or a print-out that you have created with a formula for confession. You can even bring in a cheat-sheet of your sins. I get so apprehensive that I can go blank in the confessional. There were times I was soaked and dripping with sweat in fear. But I go. And you can bring all the paperwork you need.
If you'd feel more secure with a script, the one with which I'm familiar goes like this:
-Enter the confessional, kneel [or sit].
-Cross yourself as you say "Bless me Father for I have sinned"
-Then say "It has been [how much time in days, weeks, months, years] since my last confession"
-At this point you can say you need help identifying your sins, or that you are nervous, or that you need help with this unfamiliar confession thing or any qualifying comments you want to make.
-Or you can go directly into saying your sins, what kind, and how many times and any important details you need to add.
-After this, the priest may ask questions. There might be a conversation between you and the priest. You may have a lot more to ask or clarify.
If the line behind you is long and the priest must get through a lot of confessions in a short amount of time, he might be short and brusque. Don't take it personally. Chattiness does not affect the grace of the Sacrament.
-The Grace of the Sacrament depends on your contrition, intention not to sin again, not deliberately omitting serious sins, and the priest's words "I absolve you".
-After everything is discussed, the priest will tell you to say the Act of Contrition.
-After hearing this, the priest will then say the words of absolution.
-As he says these words, you can cross yourself at "...in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit".
-I always say "Thank you Father" as I leave.
I knew a very competent priest once who would quickly get through long lines by suggesting to those who needed to talk longer to make a specific appointment later. This way, the Sacrament was dispensed to many people without offending those who needed more-in-depth counseling.
Sometimes we don't feel at all sorry but we go to confession and confess the sin as best we can. This in itself is better than not going at all. Our emotions don't always go along with our heads. You must WILL to be sorry and not to do it again - it is the act of the Will that is the most important thing, in combination with absolution by the priest. If we weep and feel horrible, that is good too. But feelings are not the objective, although our emotions can assist our resolve. We must not make an insincere confession. The Sacrament depends on our cooperation in the act of the Will.
David is sooo right, the more frequently you go, the better it gets.
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Tina
Arlington Diocese
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CajunRick
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 4981 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Thu Dec 27th, 2007 03:02 pm |
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The Knights of Columbus have a booklet available online that sounds like it's exactly what you're looking for. You'll find it at http://www.kofc.org/rc/en/publications/cis/devotional/GuideToConfession2075.pdf.
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Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
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TotusTuus
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| Joined: | Tue Oct 31st, 2006 |
| Location: | Alabama USA |
| Posts: | 113 |
| First Name: | Mark | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic (thanks Mom and Dad!) |
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Posted: Thu Dec 27th, 2007 03:07 pm |
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Marquey,
You have received some good responses here so I can only offer some additional encouragement. One of the keys to appreciating Catholicism is the Incarnation. God choses a flesh and blood approach to saving us. He does not remain aloof and abstract and distant from us. So when grants us forgiveness he goes the "extra mile" and provides a way that is consistent and respectful of our human natures. He actually allows us to hear the words "I absolve you from your sins, in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit", not just in our mind but in our ears as well.
May the tenderness of the Child Jesus aid you in this season of grace!
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TTM!
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Talithacumi
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| Joined: | Sat Sep 30th, 2006 |
| Location: | Eastern Ohio, USA |
| Posts: | 248 |
| First Name: | Cheri | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic - Latin Rite |
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Posted: Thu Dec 27th, 2007 10:38 pm |
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Marcquey,
Welcome! Just glancing down through the thread... I have to smile at Tina's "script." It's almost exactly what goes on in the Confessional when I'm in the "box." I would only add that if you want to know the words to "The Act of Contrition," the version I use goes something like this:
"Oh, my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because of Thy just punishments, but most of all, because they offend Thee, my God, Who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin. Amen."
Let me add, though, that you don't have to use a "form" prayer. You can use your own personal prayer; as long as it expresses your sorrow for your sins it doesn't matter. Even a simple "I'm sorryfor my sins, Lord, and I sincerely will try not to sin again" will work as long as you are sincerely repentant. And don't worry too much. Believe me, most priests have probably heard it all - nervousness and everything. They won't bite, really.
Tina did mention one thing that I think you might want to be cautious about. She mentioned that you can bring in "all the paperwork you need." Hmm... well, I have to be honest. It depends on the priest. I mean, if you walk in with a "list" of your sins, depending on the priest, you might have to be prepared to explain to him that the list is only a tool to help you with your confession. When my pastor first came to our parish, I once went in with a "list" because I wanted to make sure I covered all the points I wanted to cover. I remember he had a slightly funny look on his face. Sometimes if you have a written list it might appear to a priest almost as if you're just checking off a grocery list. So just be aware of that and if he seems a little leery just explain to him that the list is just a tool to help you and it's not just a "check-off" list. I don't bring this up to make you more nervous, but just to be aware. And like I said, it really depends on the priest. Most aren't going to say anything. I am only relating an experience of an expression I happened to catch on the priest's face. And once he realized my sincerity was real, he seemed to relax. Just be real and sincere in your repentance and you'll be fine. As Tina mentioned, this doesn't mean you have to get all emotional (though I often do!), but you do have to express sorrow for your sins.
JMJ
- Cheri
Last edited on Thu Dec 27th, 2007 10:48 pm by Talithacumi
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“We do not want a Church that will move with the world; we want a Church that will move the world.”
- G.K. Chesterton
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