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catholicdan
Member
| Joined: | Wed Jul 11th, 2007 |
| Location: | Merced, California USA |
| Posts: | 61 |
| First Name: | Danny | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | From A 2 Z now on to RC. |
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Posted: Wed Jul 11th, 2007 08:30 pm |
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I have read and re-read the post here about marriage. I am going to put forth my current situation for some input.
When I was 19 years old I married my first wife who was 17. I was not a baptized anything and she was not either. We were married in the office of a judge, not because she was pregnant or anything like that, we just wanted to get married.
In 1983 we had our first son and in 1986 we had our second son. In 1989 my now ex-wife walked out the door to go to the store and never came back. I was now a man with two sons who were devastated as much as I was. About one year later I served divorce papers and didn't sign them right away. I got served again and this was about a year later. I signed them.
I was still not a baptized anything but attending church every once in a great while. I started to fall back into booze and drugs and almost lost my boys. their mom who we haven't seen or heard from would not even watch them when she was finally found. I got out of jail and thank God for my parents who took care of my boys, I started life over again and began to search for God again.
I found him, or should I say he found me. I ended up in a Pentecostal church and was trained up in that church to become an evangelist. But one thing that this church put heavy emphasis on was that pastors and evangelist should be married, and in fact there was only one pastor in our fellowship of over 350 churches that was single and he was required to live with the senior pastor and his wife until he got married.
During this time I met a very loving and caring woman in our church. She was net baptized because our church did not see baptism as necessary. We started to date with shaparones and then in 1991 we got married. The catch is she was divorced and her ex-husband was living with another women who he eventually married.
Ok, years have gone by I pastored in that church for those years an an associate pastor and then we ended up leaving that church because of my studies of early church theology.
Her husband was killed in a motorcycle accident this year while on his way home.
The 64 million dollar question is this: My wife and I are getting ready to attend RCIA classes and I have just come across all of this marriage issues here and in reading some other stuff recently. Now I am not sure what to do and I am not sure how to deal with this.
I was married at 19 and very unreligious. My second wife was married but not a member of any church until 1989 and then her husband left her for another woman and then got married. He too was not a baptized anything and is now dead.
From the information I am getting here and from other sources it seems that my wife and I are either not really married and living in sin and therefore need to split up and or serve God but as sister and brother in the Lord, or we are married because neither one of us was a baptized anything until we were both baptized together in the Seventh Day Adventist Church back in 1997.
We are also wanting to renew our vows and would like to do it in the Catholic Church. Would this be possible?
Any input?
catholicdan
Last edited on Wed Jul 11th, 2007 08:38 pm by catholicdan
____________________
"To be steeped in history is to cease to be Protestant." Cardinal Newman
"Crux Sacra Sit Mihi Lux,
Non Draco Sit Mihi Dux"
May the Holy Cross be my Light.
Let not the dragon be my guide.
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CajunRick
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 4981 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Thu Jul 12th, 2007 12:26 am |
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catholicdan wrote: We are also wanting to renew our vows and would like to do it in the Catholic Church. Would this be possible?
All things are possible with God.
The Church considers all marriages sacramentally valid until proven otherwise. It certainly seems that you have grounds to consider your marriages invalid. However, you will have to apply to the Church for a Declaration of Nullity.
It is possible because of the situations with your baptisms that you may qualify for the Pauline Privilege, which would simplify the process. Otherwise, you will need to provide evidence to indicate that your marriages were sacramentally invalid from the beginning. The primary cause of sacramental invalidity is flawed consent, meaning that there were facts available that you either did not know or did not accept that should have convinced you not to proceed with the marriage.
Another cause is intentional failure to keep vows, which may well be the case with your wife's abandonment of you and your children.
You need to meet with a priest or qualified lay person as soon as possible to get the ball rolling. Assuming that the Declarations of Nullity are granted, you would then be expected to renew your vows in the presence of a priest. Once you have done that, you can be accepted into full communion as members of the Catholic Church. Don't wait until you start RCIA. Call tomorrow to make an appointment and get things started.
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Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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Credo Catholic
Member
| Joined: | Sat May 5th, 2007 |
| Location: | Greenville, South Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 1212 |
| First Name: | Marsha | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Thu Jul 12th, 2007 12:29 am |
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| Dear Dan, I'm probably the least qualified person on the forum to answer your question, but since no one else has so far, I will give it a try and hope whatever errors I make will be corrected by a knowledgeable person! Because you and your present wife were not ever baptized in the catholic church, and her first husband is no longer living, I would think your marriage is valid. Your first wife was not a catholic and you were not married in the catholic church, right? If an annulment is required of your first marriage, it seems you were both very young and possibly not mature enough to make that decision. I think if you both go through RCIA or catechesis, and join the church, you can then have your marriage blessed by the church. Is that right, Rick or David?
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CajunRick
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 4981 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Thu Jul 12th, 2007 12:37 am |
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Credo Catholic wrote: I think if you both go through RCIA or catechesis, and join the church, you can then have your marriage blessed by the church. Is that right, Rick or David?
Not quite. Unless all previous spouses are deceased, any remaining marriage is presumed valid unless declared otherwise by the Church. Regardless of circumstances, every existing (i.e., not ended by death) marriage must be declared null by the Church before a marriage can be made valid. Some declarations are very simple, others are complicated. Some are quick and some take a long time, but they all must go through the process.
I have seen Declarations of Nullity take 20 minutes and I've seen them take three years. It's important to start the process as soon as possible.
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Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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