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Connie
User on Probation
| Joined: | Fri Jun 1st, 2007 |
| Location: | California USA |
| Posts: | 99 |
| First Name: | Connie | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic Convert from Presbyterian, then Episcopalian |
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Posted: Thu Feb 21st, 2008 05:25 pm |
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Thanks for the input Becky. It's nice hearing from you and your situation. Appreciate it. This seems to be the story of my life.
I can sure understand now what I've heard, finances are the number one reason for divorce.
It's my view that men are so very weak today, and not very good providers. I don't think they learned to be, if they grew up post the woman's lib era since the 60's, with their mothers working full-time, believing the "women can have it all" mindset. They now expect us, their wives, to be just this way. Even Christians expect their wives to be super women, raising the children AND go out and hold down jobs too, as well as doing all cooking and cleaning. I get very frustrated at this. :?
Anyway, I do think it's not too much to ask for our husbands to support us, pay all the bills at least. Of course this does not mean new cars, or ANY luxuries, but for sure, mortgage, food and all bills. IMO, a man should be able to do this. It's his Godly role. I feel though, my husband is coming to resent me, that I'm not earning money. He doesn't appreciate me at all with all I do do. I know he's under stress being the sole provider, but so am I being the sole domestic engineer.
Last edited on Thu Feb 21st, 2008 05:26 pm by Connie
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~Connie~
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abbycat
Member
| Joined: | Thu Jan 17th, 2008 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 86 |
| First Name: | Abby | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | non-specified |
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Posted: Wed Mar 26th, 2008 08:07 pm |
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I understand your frustration at not hearing from more folks. First, I must state that I am not a Catholic (although I am a Christian), so you need to realize that is where I'm coming from. I must totally agree with what Jill just said .... you have a lot - a whole lot - going on here .... way more than just your husband wanting you to work. As you share more, I believe a lot of us are seeing how deep your situation runs ... your husbands unwise previous financial decisions, your children's seeming disrespect for you, their Mother (as evidenced by what they are saying to you), and the fact that you feel the urge to "run away." A lot of this type of thing, in all honesty, I think can only be truly looked at by a qualified professional ... preferably a Christian Psychologist or your Priest if he has thorough training in thorny situations such as this. Now, just from my life experience .... I have 3 now grown adult children, 2 of them in their 30's and one of them in his mid 20's. I stayed home with all my children until my youngest one was a Jr. in high school, and then I only worked part-time at first at my church. I would not trade those many years for anything. Teenagers are a challenge, and no matter what they try to tell you - or the "women's lib. groups" try to tell us all .... they need us there. I could easily tell, as my kids came up our driveway from school, what kind of day(s) they had by the look on their face(s). That was often the one I would spend extra time with that day - perhaps getting them to open up with a later-in-the-evening cup of tea or hot chocolate, sprawled across their bed ... "just chatting." It works ... believe me, it does. If you are not there, and their friends are not at your home ... where will they be? Will they be at another person's home who perhaps does not try to hold the same standards as you? Perhaps they DO have that plasma TV, and more munchies, but also alcohol, unattended bedrooms, and maybe even a medicine cabinet full of Rx drugs. I don't want to scare you, truly, and that is why I'm only addressing this portion of your question ... it is something about which I have some understanding and appreciation. Now, my kids seem to think "I was the best Mom ever." That is hardly true, and they know it, but I know at least a part of their love and care for me was the fact that I was there .... "being there" shows I cared more about them than I did about having all the fancy "stuff."
abby
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BodRod
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 2nd, 2006 |
| Location: | Apple Valley, California USA |
| Posts: | 720 |
| First Name: | Cliff | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Raised an SDA, then Generic Christian, finally at home with ... |
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Posted: Thu Mar 27th, 2008 02:12 am |
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Connie wrote: ...... He doesn't appreciate me at all with all I do do. I know he's under stress being the sole provider, but so am I being the sole domestic engineer. ......
Are you sure? Some guys just don't mention their appreciation. They have it but they don't talk about it. My wife mentioned to me one time that I never said if I like her cooking or not. I thought that it was obvious that I did like it. I had been cleaning my plate down to the shine for 30+ years. So I developed that habit of mentioning her cooking and how I like the dinner, after dinner. Now that she has had a stroke and I do the cooking, I catch myself saying after dinner, which I cooked, "That was good. I liked that." Women like to talk about things while guys are fixers. Women will talk about the can opener that won't work and what a problem it has been while the guys will rip the electric plug out of the wall socket, toss it in the trash and go buy a new one. There are more differences between us that pink or blue booties! 
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Gratias agamus Domino Deo nostro.
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kimdyuma
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Arizona USA |
| Posts: | 710 |
| First Name: | Kim | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | cradle Anglican, Episcopal /Catholic-04/07/07 |
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Posted: Thu Mar 27th, 2008 03:21 am |
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while the guys will rip the electric plug out of the wall socket, toss it in the trash and go buy a new one When did you move into my house?  
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Adopt from your local Humane Society- Please spay or neuter your pets
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CajunRick
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 4981 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Fri Mar 28th, 2008 02:15 am |
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kimdyuma wrote: while the guys will rip the electric plug out of the wall socket, toss it in the trash and go buy a new one When did you move into my house?
One of the things I learned in hospice is that men have a real problem with a terminally ill spouse because they want to fix it, and they can't.
I had a woman dying of throat cancer and she could barely talk above a whisper, and her husband was hard of hearing. She complained that he never spent any time with her, believing he was in denial. He was spending his time fixing everything in the house that she had ever complained about and he had put off. Before she died he had fixed everything she had ever wanted fixed, exactly as she wanted it fixed, because he felt helpless that he couldn't fix her.
One of our nurses had to sit them down and literally listen to her whispers and repeat them to him so they could talk about her pending death. It was a remarkable experience.
Men are truly fixers and when we encounter something we can't fix, we are absolutely helpless. Just as women need to hear men say we love them, men need to hear that it's OK if we can't fix something.
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Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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