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ryan123450
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| Joined: | Tue Apr 15th, 2008 |
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| Posts: | 6 |
| First Name: | Ryan | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Christian, Catholic |
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Posted: Wed Apr 23rd, 2008 11:57 pm |
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I participated in RCIA this last year, but because my non-Catholic wife refuses to get her previous marriage annulled, I was unable to be baptized and confirmed at Easter Vigil. For a long time I have assumed that eventually she will change her mind and go threw a small amount of discomfort to help me change the rest of my life and indeed my eternity. But the more time goes on the more I wonder if I will ever be able to join the Church.
I desire baptism so badly and cannot wait to be washed of my sins. And I have an urgent hunger for the Eucharist that I know I will be unable to satisfy for a long time. My preist even offered to let me "secretly" join the Church next year despite not having solved my problem, but I know this is wrong.
Are there any books, websites, or groups that I might find that can give me some more information on my situation, or let me know that there are others like me? Or does anyone here have any advice or encouragement? This has all caused my wife and family and I so much conflict and hurt. And I just really don't know what to do if I can never fix this problem.
Thank you
Last edited on Wed Apr 23rd, 2008 11:58 pm by ryan123450
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Didi
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| Joined: | Mon Mar 3rd, 2008 |
| Location: | Oregon USA |
| Posts: | 155 |
| First Name: | Didi | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic; almost left; Now an On-Fire Catholic! |
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Posted: Thu Apr 24th, 2008 12:18 am |
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Hi Ryan -- 
I am so sorry for your hurt in not being able to join the Church yet. Have you considered just getting the paperwork/information about annulment to see what has to be done? Maybe your wife would be willing to at least look at it, or maybe she doesn't understand what it is exactly.
I'm not an expert at all on this matter, but I'm sure others will be able to help you. Just want you to know I'm praying for you and your wife. 
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ryan123450
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| Joined: | Tue Apr 15th, 2008 |
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| Posts: | 6 |
| First Name: | Ryan | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Christian, Catholic |
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Posted: Thu Apr 24th, 2008 01:09 am |
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| She knows exactly what it is and what she has to do. I've talked alot with my priest about it and we had a meeting set up months ago to go get the forms and have her talk with him about it, but then she backed out at the last minute. And eventually she refused to have anything to do with it anymore.
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Intercessor
Member
| Joined: | Tue Sep 25th, 2007 |
| Location: | Southcentral, Kentucky USA |
| Posts: | 859 |
| First Name: | Becky | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Southern Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Thu Apr 24th, 2008 01:56 am |
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ryan123450 wrote:
I participated in RCIA this last year, but because my non-Catholic wife refuses to get her previous marriage annulled, I was unable to be baptized and confirmed at Easter Vigil. For a long time I have assumed that eventually she will change her mind and go threw a small amount of discomfort to help me change the rest of my life and indeed my eternity. But the more time goes on the more I wonder if I will ever be able to join the Church.
I desire baptism so badly and cannot wait to be washed of my sins. And I have an urgent hunger for the Eucharist that I know I will be unable to satisfy for a long time. My preist even offered to let me "secretly" join the Church next year despite not having solved my problem, but I know this is wrong.
Are there any books, websites, or groups that I might find that can give me some more information on my situation, or let me know that there are others like me? Or does anyone here have any advice or encouragement? This has all caused my wife and family and I so much conflict and hurt. And I just really don't know what to do if I can never fix this problem.
Thank you
. . . She knows exactly what it is and what she has to do. I've talked alot with my priest about it and we had a meeting set up months ago to go get the forms and have her talk with him about it, but then she backed out at the last minute. And eventually she refused to have anything to do with it anymore.
Ryan, you must be feeling very frustrated and discouraged. No, you are not alone. There have been others on the forum in the past (perhaps some even now) who are in your situation. Our network helpers/apologist have dealt with this sort of situation before and will be able to advise you.
I commend you for having the wisdom and strength to resist the temptation offered by a priest who seems not to value loyalty to Church teaching. I will pray for you and for your wife, Ryan. I hope you are faithful to Mass, even though you can't receive, and that you spend as much time as possible in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Don't forget that you can make Acts of Contrition and Spiritual Communions.
In Christ,
Becky
____________________
"If our charity is arrested by the difficulties encountered in dealing with our neighbor, . . . our relations with our brethren are not regulated by our love of God, but by our love of self." Divine Intimacy p. 781, Fr. Gabriel, O.C.D.
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ryan123450
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| Joined: | Tue Apr 15th, 2008 |
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| Posts: | 6 |
| First Name: | Ryan | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Christian, Catholic |
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Posted: Thu Apr 24th, 2008 11:15 pm |
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Thank you everyone for the prayers. They are most appreciated. I attend Mass every single week without fail, even though that has become a point of contention with my wife. She says I'm abandoning my family whenever I leave her at home with the kids for Mass or RCIA. She doesn't think rearranging her schedual is an option when I could just skip Mass.
I say Acts of Contrition often, but I wonder if I should make it somehow a formal weekly process, or if simply saying the heartfelt prayers whenever I make time is good enough. What exactly are Spiritual Communions? I probably get the point, but would you care to elaborate? Thanks.
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Didi
Member
| Joined: | Mon Mar 3rd, 2008 |
| Location: | Oregon USA |
| Posts: | 155 |
| First Name: | Didi | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic; almost left; Now an On-Fire Catholic! |
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Posted: Thu Apr 24th, 2008 11:22 pm |
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Ryan --
Here is a prayer for spiritual communion:
My Jesus,
I believe that You
are present in the Most Holy Sacrament.
I love You above all things,
and I desire to receive You into my soul.
Since I cannot at this moment
receive You sacramentally,
come at least spiritually into my heart. I embrace You as if You were already there and unite myself wholly to You. Never permit me to be separated from You.
Amen.
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Intercessor
Member
| Joined: | Tue Sep 25th, 2007 |
| Location: | Southcentral, Kentucky USA |
| Posts: | 859 |
| First Name: | Becky | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Southern Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Thu Apr 24th, 2008 11:37 pm |
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ryan123450 wrote:
Thank you everyone for the prayers. They are most appreciated. I attend Mass every single week without fail, even though that has become a point of contention with my wife. She says I'm abandoning my family whenever I leave her at home with the kids for Mass or RCIA. She doesn't think rearranging her schedual is an option when I could just skip Mass.
I say Acts of Contrition often, but I wonder if I should make it somehow a formal weekly process, or if simply saying the heartfelt prayers whenever I make time is good enough. What exactly are Spiritual Communions? I probably get the point, but would you care to elaborate? Thanks.
Click here for Spiritual Communion prayer.
Ryan, at the url above you will find an example of the spiritual communion prayer. You don't have to recite it exactly. There are others. You can pray your own version. I attended over 125 Masses before being allowed to receive (went to daily Mass). As others went forward to receive the Lord, I remained at my place, kneeling and fervently praying my prayer of spiritual communion. That practice, together with daily adoration before the Blessed Sacrament gave me the calm and strength I needed to weather the storms of making it into the Church.
Many people have had to wait a long time, Ryan. (I don't mind offering general pieces of advice, but you'll do better with sage counsel from our network helpers/apologist, especially since a very resentful wife and children are involved.) Sometimes just recognizing and accepting that a certain battle is not going to be won quickly is a very important step toward ultimate victory. That step alone is probably enough for you to chew on right now. A very big part of Catholicism is simply waiting on the Lord. Another big part is choosing advisors very carefully. So far you have been wise. First, because you did not accept the temptation offered by your priest. Secondly, because you came to this forum which is loyal to Church teaching.
One of the helpers should get to your post before too much longer.
I am praying.
Becky
Last edited on Fri Apr 25th, 2008 01:34 am by Intercessor
____________________
"If our charity is arrested by the difficulties encountered in dealing with our neighbor, . . . our relations with our brethren are not regulated by our love of God, but by our love of self." Divine Intimacy p. 781, Fr. Gabriel, O.C.D.
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ryan123450
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| Joined: | Tue Apr 15th, 2008 |
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| Posts: | 6 |
| First Name: | Ryan | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Christian, Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Apr 25th, 2008 12:03 am |
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| Thanks Didi and Intercessor for the spiritual communion prayer. I'll start praying that at Mass Sunday. Thanks also for the kind words.
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Hidden One
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| Joined: | Thu Feb 28th, 2008 |
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| Posts: | 123 |
| First Name: | H1 | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | lax Presbyterian -> pseudo-Arminian non-denom -> heretical Presbyterian -> ... |
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Posted: Fri Apr 25th, 2008 12:43 am |
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You and your family are in my prayers.
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1 John 4:7-12
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BodRod
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 2nd, 2006 |
| Location: | Apple Valley, California USA |
| Posts: | 720 |
| First Name: | Cliff | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Raised an SDA, then Generic Christian, finally at home with ... |
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Posted: Fri Apr 25th, 2008 01:45 am |
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| I don't have any words of encouragement or advice. However, a question immediately popped into my mind which was, "Why would anyone want to stay with someone whom they did not love or did not love in return?" My question comes from my perspective of love which is that people who love each other do not deliberately cause them continuing pain.
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Gratias agamus Domino Deo nostro.
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ryan123450
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| First Name: | Ryan | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Christian, Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Apr 25th, 2008 01:07 pm |
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| I could never leave my wife, let alone my children. I know I don't deliberate cause her pain, though I know I do so indirectly. And I don't believe she understands how much she hurts me by keeping me from joining the Church. I can only hope that someday she can see that and we can reach some kind of understanding. I pray for it and slowly work toward that everyday.
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BodRod
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 2nd, 2006 |
| Location: | Apple Valley, California USA |
| Posts: | 720 |
| First Name: | Cliff | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Raised an SDA, then Generic Christian, finally at home with ... |
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Posted: Fri Apr 25th, 2008 01:38 pm |
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| I had not thought about the children. Good Point!!!
____________________
Gratias agamus Domino Deo nostro.
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Credo Catholic
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| Joined: | Sat May 5th, 2007 |
| Location: | Greenville, South Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 1212 |
| First Name: | Marsha | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Apr 25th, 2008 03:12 pm |
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| Ryan, I have one more suggestion to add. Offer up the pain and suffering you are feeling to God. Just give them to Him as a sacrifice of your love for Him. He will give you the grace to be patient and loving, and soldier through the tough times. God bless
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CajunRick
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 4981 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Fri Apr 25th, 2008 05:30 pm |
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ryan123450 wrote: I could never leave my wife, let alone my children.
I don't know about you, but I regularly leave my wife alone when I go to work, and she leaves me alone when she goes to work. Sometimes I leave her alone when I go to the grocery store, or she will leave me. When our daughter lived with us, she left us alone each day when she went to school.
Unless you are actually with each other 24/7, I think this is a bogus argument. I mean, do you actually shower together all the time? Do you congregate in the bathroom when one of you has to go? Do they watch you shave?
An hour at mass alone is not going to destroy the family. If anything, by strengthening your faith, it is strengthening the faith of the family even if you do not worship together.
____________________
Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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Intercessor
Member
| Joined: | Tue Sep 25th, 2007 |
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Posted: Fri Apr 25th, 2008 07:32 pm |
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CajunRick wrote:
ryan123450 wrote: I could never leave my wife, let alone my children.
I don't know about you, but I regularly leave my wife alone when I go to work, and she leaves me alone when she goes to work. Sometimes I leave her alone when I go to the grocery store, or she will leave me. When our daughter lived with us, she left us alone each day when she went to school.
Unless you are actually with each other 24/7, I think this is a bogus argument. I mean, do you actually shower together all the time? Do you congregate in the bathroom when one of you has to go? Do they watch you shave?
I think Ryan was responding to Cliff's post. Ryan is letting us know that he has no intention of ending his marriage. Right?
____________________
"If our charity is arrested by the difficulties encountered in dealing with our neighbor, . . . our relations with our brethren are not regulated by our love of God, but by our love of self." Divine Intimacy p. 781, Fr. Gabriel, O.C.D.
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CajunRick
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
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Posted: Fri Apr 25th, 2008 07:39 pm |
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Intercessor wrote: CajunRick wrote:
ryan123450 wrote: I could never leave my wife, let alone my children.
I don't know about you, but I regularly leave my wife alone when I go to work, and she leaves me alone when she goes to work. Sometimes I leave her alone when I go to the grocery store, or she will leave me. When our daughter lived with us, she left us alone each day when she went to school.
Unless you are actually with each other 24/7, I think this is a bogus argument. I mean, do you actually shower together all the time? Do you congregate in the bathroom when one of you has to go? Do they watch you shave?
[size=I think Ryan was responding to Cliff's post. Ryan is letting us know that he has no intention of ending his marriage. Right? ]
Well, I did understand that, but I was actually replying to an earlier statement:
I attend Mass every single week without fail, even though that has become a point of contention with my wife. She says I'm abandoning my family whenever I leave her at home with the kids for Mass or RCIA. She doesn't think rearranging her schedual is an option when I could just skip Mass.
I just quoted the wrong line. Happens sometimes when I'm answering at work and hurrying...
____________________
Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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ryan123450
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| Joined: | Tue Apr 15th, 2008 |
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| First Name: | Ryan | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Christian, Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Apr 25th, 2008 08:03 pm |
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CajunRick wrote: An hour at mass alone is not going to destroy the family. If anything, by strengthening your faith, it is strengthening the faith of the family even if you do not worship together.
Assuming you were talking about my wife's attitude about my going to Mass, and not my desire to stay married to her...
You're right, that is a bogus arguement. I agree that strengthening my faith can only help strengthen our family. How could I be a good husband or father if I chose to be a bad Christian.
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