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Free
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| Joined: | Wed Nov 28th, 2007 |
| Location: | Michigan USA |
| Posts: | 356 |
| First Name: | Jane | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Presbyterian, Gnostic, non-denominational, Catholic |
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Posted: Sun Aug 31st, 2008 01:32 am |
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I rec'd the final papers from the Tribunal stating that the marriage I tried to make work for ever so long didn't take. "...the marriage entered into by the said parties did not create a permanent and sacramental bond."
Such a mix of feelings.
Yes, some relief to have made it through the year-long process, with two witnesses backing out along the way, and worry that my ex-husband would try to make things difficult. I made it through by the grace of God, and I'm relieved. I knew it was the right thing to do. It was right and necessary to separate myself from the bad decision to marry him, and I know I was obedient to God in initiating the process and making it all the way to the end.
Along with the relief, I'm experiencing grief. I truly desired for the marriage to create a permanent and sacramental bond. There's no pretending anymore. The marriage was wrong from the start, and now even the Church declares that it was so. Still, I grieve for the loss of what I never had.
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Intercessor
Member
| Joined: | Tue Sep 25th, 2007 |
| Location: | Southcentral, Kentucky USA |
| Posts: | 1423 |
| First Name: | Becky | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Southern Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Sun Aug 31st, 2008 03:11 am |
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Free wrote:
I rec'd the final papers from the Tribunal stating that the marriage I tried to make work for ever so long didn't take. "...the marriage entered into by the said parties did not create a permanent and sacramental bond."
Such a mix of feelings.
Yes, some relief to have made it through the year-long process, with two witnesses backing out along the way, and worry that my ex-husband would try to make things difficult. I made it through by the grace of God, and I'm relieved. I knew it was the right thing to do. It was right and necessary to separate myself from the bad decision to marry him, and I know I was obedient to God in initiating the process and making it all the way to the end.
Along with the relief, I'm experiencing grief. I truly desired for the marriage to create a permanent and sacramental bond. There's no pretending anymore. The marriage was wrong from the start, and now even the Church declares that it was so. Still, I grieve for the loss of what I never had.
Dear Jane,
I am so sorry to learn that you are hurting. Your reactions seem perfectly normal and understandable, and it would be very odd indeed if you were not experiencing all these mixed feelings. Disappointment, loss, the death of a relationship or of a dream all have to be processed over a period of time.
Already you realize God's guidance and provision for you through the journey. In the months and years ahead, your reflections and conclusions will, no doubt, offer opportunities for an increase in virtue. Down the road it will become obvious how God has used even this heartbreaking experience to conform you more fully into the image of Christ.
If you have a copy of Divine Intimacy by Father Gabriel, I would suggest reading the chapters on perseverance. I am finding them very helpful myself in fighting the temptations that come with difficulty, aridity. You have studied and absorbed so much spiritual wisdom. However, like anyone else, you become more vulnerable to Satan's darts and arrows while wounded and weary.
When I lost my husband, I found one of the most therapeutic things I could do was to weep when I needed to weep. Others who do not understand grief, out of well-meaning ignorance, will counsel folks to stifle tears. I know, from the insightful comments you wrote me in another thread, that you see the folly of such counsel. Grief is like having a baby. There's no way out of it except by going through it. One has to truly experience the sadness, loss, failure, disappointment, anger, loneliness, and confusion before deep healing can take place.
God will take this suffering and make you even more beautiful. I salute you for the courage and grace you have already shown during this difficult time. Know that you have my prayer support as you work your way through the pain.
In His love,
Becky
Last edited on Sun Aug 31st, 2008 03:21 am by Intercessor
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Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials. . .the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Blessed is the man who perseveres in temptation, for when he has been proved he will receive the crown of life. . . NAB James 1:2-4,12
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Free
Member
| Joined: | Wed Nov 28th, 2007 |
| Location: | Michigan USA |
| Posts: | 356 |
| First Name: | Jane | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Presbyterian, Gnostic, non-denominational, Catholic |
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Posted: Sun Aug 31st, 2008 11:32 am |
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| Thank you for your good message, Becky. It is both wise and consoling, as I knew it would be.
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Dave Armstrong
Network Apologist
| Joined: | Fri Nov 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | Melvindale, Michigan USA |
| Posts: | 2169 |
| First Name: | Dave | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Evangelical (1977): Diverse Protestant Influences / Catholic in 1990 |
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Posted: Mon Sep 8th, 2008 05:13 pm |
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Hi Jane,
Becky has spoken so well and charitably as usual. I could never hope to match her eloquence and concern at such a time, but I concur with her, and you are in my prayers and thoughts.
The reactions are competely understandable and very "human." One of the purposes of annulment is, I think, to allow a person to achieve closure and to move on. That may take time, but it'll come. Feel the feelings, so that they can eventually diminish (Im preachin' to myself, as they used to always say in evangelical circles!).
You made a mistake. We all do. You have to forgive yourself, too, by God's grace. If you're anything like me, I know that is very difficult! But we all have to do that. Then we can move on with our lives and try to do better, by God's grace.
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I'm happy to offer whatever theological & personal assistance I can. My blog, Biblical Evidence for Catholicism, contains 2000+ papers & web pages (absolutely free) & 16 apologetic books (for sale):
http://www.biblicalcatholic.com/
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