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Angie_Rivas1
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| Joined: | Wed Oct 11th, 2006 |
| Location: | Downey, USA |
| Posts: | 110 |
| First Name: | Angie | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic |
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Posted: Wed Oct 11th, 2006 08:57 pm |
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I saw David a couple days ago because he and I are having some problems with the IRS. The man who did our taxes recommended us to file separately so now we have to submit evidence to them so I decided to see David.
We met at his place and we talked for awhile. There is still a lot of emotions/feelings/hurt involved. He tried to be physical, but I stopped him because I know that it is not the best thing to do and God would not be pleased. It was difficult, though. He mentioned to me that technically I am still his wife. We hugged and cried together. He did not deny that he started dating, but he promised that he has not done anything with the girls. Suddenly, I am not sure how serious he was, he asked me if I've thought about reconciliation. I asked him if he'd prayed about it and he said he has not. However, he is willing to consider it and have me back home if I change my ways and come full circle with him supporting his ministry -chaplancy- 100%. Also he would baptized our children having my support. He says that reconciliation is on my hands. I left the place with many emotions after telling him that we were not ready for it because God was not done dealing with us. Now, I just feel like I moved so many miles back on my walk. I am sad again and thinking, Lord "please tell me what to do?" Is it that simple?
Angie
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"Be not afraid" JPII
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David W. Emery
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Brownsville, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 1793 |
| First Name: | David | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Wed Oct 11th, 2006 09:19 pm |
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Angie, I see signs in your story that tell me that your ex-husband is attempting to manipulate you. I would not trust him at all.
He is willing to consider it and have me back home if I change my ways.… Also he would baptize our children.… He says that reconciliation is in my hands.
In other words, if you will do exactly what he wants, including leave the Catholic Church.… I’m sorry, Angie, this is too much. He is playing games with you, trying to make it seem that you are the guilty party. And he has not prayed about reconciliation? Just how serious a Christian do you think he is?
David
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mrsbmoo
Member
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 274 |
| First Name: | Becky | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | former Methodist. RCA, Presbyterian, Holiness, Wesleyan... Catholic as of June ... |
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Posted: Thu Oct 12th, 2006 12:11 am |
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I am with David Emory on this one. The following in only my opinion, rather strongly stated because I don't want to see you hurt further. I am not going to tell you God says do this or that it is the only right view on the matter. That said....
If he truly wants to reconcile there would be no "if you do such and such". How can he justify demanding you give up what you truly feel God is leading you to do? It is not like you are doing something he can say is illegal or immoral. He admits this not something he has prayed about but just his thought of the moment.
If he is still technically married he has no business dating other women. That is nearly impossible to justify even in a protestant mindset. If he has been dating other women,(remember the part in the Bible about looking on another woman with lust, and how it is adultery) he has no business looking to get physical with you. The emotional and spiritual commitment and healing from your differences and his betrayal of your marriage, should be dealt with first and only then reinforced by the physical. This isn't even a Protestant/Catholic idea of marriage thing, this is just common sense.
I know it feels really good to hear positive things from him and grasp the hope of reconciliation. It is so hard to bear that kind of rejection and not dream of him wanting you back. It is so natural for you want to do whatever he wants so you can have that loving relationship again. You will start to think it is only a little compromise for such a great gain. But knowing what has happened in the past, it can not be that simple. He is not saying I love you and can't live without you, and I will do whatever it takes to remain married to you.
Be strong and tread carefully with this.
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Becky
Wife of Michael(called Moo) and stay at home mom to 5 daughters between 10 months and 17
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Truthseeker
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 4th, 2006 |
| Location: | Costa Mesa, California USA |
| Posts: | 349 |
| First Name: | Laura | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | lapsed and returned CATHOLIC!!!!!! |
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Posted: Fri Oct 13th, 2006 09:40 pm |
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Oh Angie,
It's so hard to separate emotionally. I know! But, I just want to add that, if he is dating other women, he is looking elsewhere. Think about the emotional mess you are in right now. Why is he dating so soon? Maybe, the Lord is showing you more of the bad parts of your husband's character, so you will understand, when you finally really let go, that you did the right thing. I know there is more to him than just this bad stuff - but the bad stuff is what he is willing to give you? Is it worth it?
My love-
I am struggling, still, too. My heart is certainly with you!
Love,
Laura
Last edited on Fri Oct 13th, 2006 09:41 pm by Truthseeker
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Lord, please make my will your Will!
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Attaflo_5
Member
| Joined: | Fri Oct 13th, 2006 |
| Location: | Spring Hill, Tennessee USA |
| Posts: | 14 |
| First Name: | Maryellen | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic to Evangelical. Back to Catholic by ... |
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Posted: Sat Oct 14th, 2006 12:03 am |
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 Angie, my heart goes out to you.
I have more questions than answers. your post said : "He mentioned to me that technically I am still his wife." Is this a legal separation? or have one of you filed for divorce? This is something you need to talk over with your Pastor. Only after you seek qualified counsel will you know and have peace about your decision.
Also you said: "However, he is willing to consider it and have me back home if I change my ways and come full circle with him supporting his ministry -chaplancy- 100%. Also he would baptized our children having my support. He says that reconciliation is on my hands."
What does he mean "change your ways"..? This sounds like a Protestant-Catholic marriage. Is he asking you to change your Catholic ways and thinking ? Do you already have children? Are they his?
He seems to be saying that he is willing to consider reconciliation IF you will come back on his terms. This sounds like a man with control issues - bad news. And he doesn't sound very Christian to me. What's he doing in "Ministry" if he's still a slave to sin himself? What kind of example would he be to your children? He says reconciliation is on your hands, but that is smoke and mirrors - laying the burden of guilt on you. This breakdown in relationship happened for a reason. It is a matter that definitely needs to be aired with a qualified third party, preferably a man of the cloth.
It sounds like what you want is to make a decision that will be pleasing to God, and that is a wise stance. God definitely has a plan for us, but our emotions frequently get in the way of hearing his guidance. That's why you need the counsel of a Pastor where you can freely tell both sides of the story.
I agree with Mrsbmoo -"Be Strong and tread carefully with this". I will keep you in my prayers
Maryellen
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Truthseeker
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 4th, 2006 |
| Location: | Costa Mesa, California USA |
| Posts: | 349 |
| First Name: | Laura | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | lapsed and returned CATHOLIC!!!!!! |
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Posted: Mon Oct 16th, 2006 09:30 am |
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The most important question, I think, is can you trust him with your heart?
I'm still married, but the answer for me, is NO. Don't go back if that's your answer, too, because than he will just hurt you some more.
Love,
Laura
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Lord, please make my will your Will!
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Angie_Rivas1
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 11th, 2006 |
| Location: | Downey, USA |
| Posts: | 110 |
| First Name: | Angie | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic |
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Posted: Mon Oct 16th, 2006 08:33 pm |
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Dear Laura, David, Becky, and all who responded to my post,
God bless you for keeping me in your prayers and for giving me wise advice. I know the Lord has been merciful with me and is working on my life. Although, it was sad to see my old home and for a moment I wanted to take David's proposal and just scratched off the bad, the negative, the hurt and live happily ever after (fantasy), the Lord helped me to put my feet down and to recognize that going back with David is not going to bring me happiness, but a heartache. Again, it was difficult because David knows I would like to start a family. He can give me the child that my heart desires, but the cost is too pricy. Laura mentioned something that I already feel in my soul. When we were hugging, even though, I still feel love for him, I find myself not trusting him. It is like deep inside I am aware that if I allow to happen, he could hurt me again. I am done hurting for this relationship, for this man. I have given so much love and care... I've given away so much of me, but my faith. I am not willing to sacrifice living the spiritual walk I've lived so far and abstaining from having holy communion to save this marriage- as he believes I can save it. When I asked David what he was willing to do on his part for the marriage, he said that he would give up pursuing his PhD. on religious studies to start a family with me. He still wants to "discredit and expose the CC for all the damage it's done to Hispanics." Please pray for him. I cannot see myself marry to a man who has lots of negatism and is passionate about causing hurt to other human beings. I expressed that to him. I told him that he sounded like Paul before he converted. Of course, he was upset at my comments. I do not understand how he can proffess love for the Lord and me and yet his actions reflect the opposite. I know he is manipulative and I can see it with better eyes... little by little my veil is coming off... Thank you for your prayers and for thinking about me!
Angie
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"Be not afraid" JPII
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