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brian
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Chicago South Burbs, Illinois USA |
| Posts: | 742 |
| First Name: | brian | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | methodist, evangelical, anglican, catholic |
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Posted: Fri Oct 13th, 2006 05:00 am |
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The idea of the seriousness of missing mass as a grave sin is still bothering me. I have a few things coming up that will make it impossible for me to go. am i sinning by agreeing to go on these trips? And i know people will tell me that there are so many different masses offered. i do not appreciate that response because i already know this and I would love to go if i possibly could, it kills me not to go, but it is impossible on these occasions to attend any of the masses. I am not Catholic yet, should i try to ask the priest to give me permission. What i hate is that i am pretty sure God knows if i can not go i am not sinning by missing, but since i am such a stickler for technical accuracy i will be worried the whole time that i am sinning. I hate this.
One occasion is because i need to fly to north carolina for my grandfathers memorial service on a saturday so saturday evening mass is out of the question and i am going with family who arranged all the travel nd they planned on flying back sunday afternoon, making all sunday masses either there or here impossible for me to get to. am i sinnig by deciding to grieve my grandfather with my family?
Another occasion is a small weekend vacation with my family where we will see relatives we never get to see very often who will also die any year. But going on this trip will mean weekend travel and not being within a mass i could get to. am i sinning by agreeing to go? i cant just go to church by myself when i dont have a car and am spending my time doing family activities.
I am almost positive i am not sinning if i miss for these occasions, because i would go in a second if i could, but i absolutely can not seem to go even if there are as many masses offered as there are. But i hate the 3% neurotic obsessive part of me that feels like i have to be in church to know 100% for sure i am not sinning.
I know we have been through this, and i am not sure i found it too helpful before, how do i get over this issue and be at peace with these occasions.
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Papalheart
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| Joined: | Tue Oct 10th, 2006 |
| Location: | Groton, Connecticut USA |
| Posts: | 7 |
| First Name: | Theresa | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Roman Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Oct 13th, 2006 07:39 am |
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Rick,
Welcome Home! You certainly will be in my prayers. I love that you are so concerned with the possibility of missing Mass, and you aren't even Catholic yet!
I think you should mention this to a priest, or spiritual director, not because you may miss Mass, but because it is causing you such concern.
Since I am not a Cannon Lawyer, nor a spiritual director, I don't feel qualified to give you advice. However, I suspect that not yet being Catholic is your answer in and of itself. Anyone else have an opinion on this?
You are in my prayers. I have to dash to work, but will check back this evening. God Bless and Mary keep you.
Theresa
____________________
Jesus I trust in You!
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David W. Emery
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Brownsville, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 1790 |
| First Name: | David | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Oct 13th, 2006 09:31 am |
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Brian, these trips are necessary, and I agree that you will not be sinning because of your inability to attend Mass during the times that you are away from home, especially knowing your relatives’ lack of understanding where the Catholic Church is concerned.
If you want to “feel better” about the situation, I suggest that you go to your pastor and explain the situation. He can provide you with a dispensation, if needed, along with additional advice. You can also feel free to attend Mass at some other time (say, the daily Mass on the Friday before you leave) in compensation for having to miss your Sunday obligation, if this would ease your anxiety.
Actually, I think your concern about this matter is laudable, even if it is unnecessary. By speaking with the priest, you will learn what the Church actually expects of you under similar circumstances which may occur in the future. Then your mind and heart will be at ease.
David
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CajunRick
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 5079 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Fri Oct 13th, 2006 09:36 am |
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| I agree with David. Missing mass is a "grave matter" but the conditions required for a mortal sin include an understanding that the action is done willingly with no outside pressure. All of the situations you cite are beyond your control, and so the conditions for a mortal sin are not met. I also agree with David that attending a weekly mass will help to ease your conscience, and a discussion with your priest will help to alleviate your concerns.
____________________
Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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brian
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Chicago South Burbs, Illinois USA |
| Posts: | 742 |
| First Name: | brian | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | methodist, evangelical, anglican, catholic |
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Posted: Fri Oct 13th, 2006 03:17 pm |
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thanks guys. i guess where i feel bothered is that it is not impossible to go to mass if i wanted to disappoint my whole family and skip these events and go, so part of me feels like i can not say it is outside of my control cause i could simply do that. though i think that would be a terrible witnes to my family about the Catholic Church. I also hate thinknig that it might be a sin at all in these circumstances. yes i mostly need the peace of knowing that it is not mortal sin and Rick and David have helped with that. But i mean, i feel like any sin willingly agreed to is pretty bad for us, so i hope that i am not only innocent of mortal sin but of any sin at all (in the issue at hand, of course). It is not entirely reassuring that 'maybe i am commiting a grave sin but dont worry it is not mortal.' I guess i have a hard time believing it could be venial, grave, or mortal sin when i am pretty sure that God wants me to be in these circumstances. How can i be sinning by doing His will?
Anyway, thanks for the helpful replies.
Brian
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CajunRick
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 5079 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Fri Oct 13th, 2006 04:28 pm |
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brian wrote: It is not entirely reassuring that 'maybe i am commiting a grave sin but dont worry it is not mortal.' I guess i have a hard time believing it could be venial, grave, or mortal sin when i am pretty sure that God wants me to be in these circumstances. How can i be sinning by doing His will?
It's not a "grave sin" but a grave (in other words, serious) matter. The fact that you are so concerned proves just how serious it is. But never forget that "the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath."
The commandment is to honor the Lord's day. Are you honoring the Lord's day? When Jesus said to take care of the least of his people, his instructions were to visit the sick, not sit in church. In fact, not once did Jesus ever tell us to go to church! We go because it makes us family and teaches us how to love God and our neighbor, and so we can share in the Body and Blood of Christ. What's better, listing to a priest tell us to love our neighbor, or showing that love by visiting the sick?
So ask yourself, "on this particular Sunday, how can I best honor the Lord's day?" If it's by visiting sick relatives, or earning money to feed your family, or coaching a kid's sports team on an out-of-town trip, then that's what you need to do. And then know that you are pleasing God and honoring God by taking care of the least of God's people.
____________________
Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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beachmoss
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| Joined: | Mon Nov 13th, 2006 |
| Location: | Simpsonville, South Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 270 |
| First Name: | Beth | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic (raised Baptist) |
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Posted: Wed Nov 15th, 2006 12:02 am |
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Rick, I want to thank you for your great response to Brian.
This summer I had a terrible confession experience. I had been on a Saturday/Sunday camping trip with the Cub Scouts. I had missed mass; however I had spent the day with my children and friends. We went to an aquarium and marvelled at God's creatures of the deep. We returned home through the Great Smoky Mountains National Park--once again giving God thanks for the beauty He created. I went to confession on the next Saturday to prepare for receiving our Lord on Sunday. I knelt in the confessional for twenty minutes while the priest berated me for not attending mass. He told me I was giving my children a very bad example by not going. I left shaking and crying and wondering what was the purpose of confession when the priest had sighed to me "Well, it's between you and God anyway." When I got home (that's always when the brain kicks in, right?), I thought, "I should have asked him what does he say to those people who are only there on Easter." He sees me and my children there every Sunday. And that's no easy task when my husband is out of town on the weekends.
Anyway. sorry for the long post. You can tell this is still bothering me 4 months later! Thank you for allowing me to get this out!!!
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CajunRick
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 5079 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Wed Nov 15th, 2006 12:30 am |
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beachmoss wrote: Anyway. sorry for the long post. You can tell this is still bothering me 4 months later! Thank you for allowing me to get this out!!!
I can tell you that I have missed mass to attend scout campouts and other youth functions, and I have never confessed it as a sin. It's only happened a few times in my 55 years, and I think the benefit of taking kids to see God's creation first-hand far outweighs me sitting in a pew for an hour.
I have made sure that I read the readings and attend mass on another day, but I have never felt a shred of guilt over my decisions.
In your case, if you felt compelled to confess it, then perhaps it did rise to the level of a mortal sin, and maybe you should have made a different decision. The fact that it still bothers you months later reinforces that belief. I think you need to pray about it. Next time, ask the priest in advance for permission to miss mass. He has the power to excuse you from your obligation.
____________________
Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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beachmoss
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| Joined: | Mon Nov 13th, 2006 |
| Location: | Simpsonville, South Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 270 |
| First Name: | Beth | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic (raised Baptist) |
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Posted: Wed Nov 15th, 2006 01:34 am |
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Thanks, Rick!
I didn't realize that a priest could excuse someone from mass. I'll try that next time.
I felt compelled to confess because my understanding was that missing mass is a mortal sin. Of course, on the flip side, when I lived in Maine at the beginning of winter our priest reminded everyone that coming to mass was not worth risking one's life on a snowy road. These I didn't confess. Yet I've always tried to confess missing mass--if I've been travelling, sick, had sick kids...
It just really got me that here I am thinking I'm doing the right thing by confessing and the priest tongue-lashed me for doing that. And finally he sighed and said "Well it's between you and God." So what message did that send?
I just got the feeling he was telling me I had sinned terribly, but he felt I wasn't contrite enough. Then it finally seemed that he really didn't care. Maybe I just took it all wrong.
I'm still comparing to a confessor I had three years ago. That priest is sure to be a saint when he dies. He is the most holy person I have ever known, and I miss him. Unfortunately we had to move away. He stressed frequent confession of even the smallest of sins. And he was so compassionate in the confessional. I went weekly to him because I always came out feeling so good--so cleansed of my sins.
Sorry for the ramble down memory lane!
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CajunRick
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 5079 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Wed Nov 15th, 2006 10:48 am |
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beachmoss wrote: I felt compelled to confess because my understanding was that missing mass is a mortal sin. Of course, on the flip side, when I lived in Maine at the beginning of winter our priest reminded everyone that coming to mass was not worth risking one's life on a snowy road. These I didn't confess. Yet I've always tried to confess missing mass--if I've been travelling, sick, had sick kids...
Missing mass is a "grave matter" that may or may not be a sin depending on the circumstances. If you're home sick or taking care of a sick kid, it is certainly not a sin. In fact, it might actually be a greater sin to go to mass contageous!
Remember the conditions necessary to commit a mortal sin. The U.S. bishops put it this way in their lastest document on the eucharist: Mortal sin is an act violating God’s law that involves grave matter and that is performed with both full knowledge and complete consent of the will.
So if you ever feel pressure to miss mass, such as by the need to take care of a sick child, you have not committed a mortal sin because you are lacking a complete consent of the will. After all, you don't want to be home with a sick child; you'd prefer that you both were healthy.
Taking kids on a youth trip is a little different situation because this is something you plan in advance, so it is best to discuss it with your priest in advance.
____________________
Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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