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Darlene
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Pocono Mountains, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 877 |
| First Name: | Darlene | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Christian, trusting His love and forgiveness |
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Posted: Sat Dec 23rd, 2006 07:42 pm |
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Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
Last night I experienced something very strange and troubling. I have been going "back and forth" about whether to mention it, but I feel it is necessary for my spiritual growth.
Before I went to sleep last night, I decided to read some articles on the Holy Eucharist. They were very enlightening and helped me to understand the Catholic Teaching on the "Real Presence" more clearly. In the middle of the night, I was awakened by a very troubling presence in my room. I began to panic and be afraid. I could not even pray at that moment because of this unknown fear that seemed to grip me.
Now let me backtrack here and say that for the past few weeks I have been experiencing a sort of beeping in my ear, which has been affecting my hearing. I finally decided yesterday that I would call the doctor next week to have my ear checked. Anyway I say this, because the beeping in my ear last night was the worst it has ever been. Now why it was so bad at that point I don't know. Since I have been affected by this problem with my right ear, I have been able to block it out for the most part. Last night, it became intolerable.
Now, to get back to my original point. As I was awakened out of my sleep, I began to feel as though some impending doom was about to occur. It was, as it were, an evil foreboding of what would become of me. And then I heard this voice inside of me, hard to explain it, but it said to me that if I continue seeking out the Catholic faith I will suffer great deception. It also said to me that I need to flee in the other direction and go back to the Protestant faith. Basically, I sensed that this "presence" was warning me that my salvation is at stake if I continue my journey toward the Catholic faith. Needless to say, I became very frightened. I felt as if I were going through a panic attack and my heart started racing. I didn't know if it was God or the Devil who was trying to communicate with me. I do know that I became extremely frightened - because I sensed intense fear and foreboding within the house at that point.
I tried as best I could to call out to God. In my heart, I was beseeching Him whether or not He was warning me. I asked Him not to let me be deceived. But as I said earlier, I could hardly pray, this presence was so strong. And I could not go to sleep for hours. At one point, I took an anti-anxiety pill, which I have not had to do in over 5 months. I felt awful about that because I have not had to rely upon any kind of medication for many months. It was some time in mid-summer that I was given the assurance by the Holy Spirit that He would deliver me from my depression, anxiety and panic attacks. So I felt that taking this medication last night was disobeying His promise to me that I no longer have to be dependent on these drugs.
In looking back, I have wondered if reading about the Holy Eucharist and the Real Presence had something to do with what occured. Also, I was so uplifted in my spirit yesterday. I was singing hymns and praising God. I watched an EWTN episode hosted by Raymond Arroyo (sp?) which gave a tour of Israel, explaining Jesus life from His birth onward. I was almost brought to tears many times watching this episode because it brought to mind my visit to Israel many years ago. And I was thinking how blessed I would be to go now, with a better understanding of Catholic spiritualities. Everywhere the tour went, there was a Catholic church erected in honor of Jesus. And the reverence and awe that Raymond and his co-host Jeff Cavins exhibited at every site, made me long to be closer to Jesus. I wished I had known what I know now when I went to Israel. (On a side note, there were Catholics on our Israel tour, and I feel so badly that I was disrespectful toward their faith both in my attitude and things I said.) But I say all of this to let you know I felt so very close to Jesus yesterday, as if He were infusing me with an inexplicable joy - joy beyond measure. And I have been anticipating going back to Mass, especially Christmas Midnight Mass. Could it be, I wonder now, that the Evil One is trying to dissuade me? If it is God, why would I be so afraid and why was it nearly impossible to pray?
I ask for each of you who read this post to pray for me. I am concerned about going to sleep tonight in the event that I encounter this dreadful "presence" again. And if what I have said seems unclear, I apologize. Sometimes it is hard to communicate/express spiritual matters with mere physical words.
Love in Christ Jesus,
Darlene
P.S.: The truth be known, I have not experienced this kind of "presence" or phenomenon, "it's difficult to label it) in quite some time. Many years ago, I did sense an evil presence in my room and I could hardly breathe right. There was a pressure on my chest and I could not move. I wanted to move but intense fear gripped me. This sort of thing has probably only happened to me 2 or 3 other times in my life. In those situations, I believed for certain that it was the enemy of my soul that had come to attack me. My husband has had similar experiences (especially at night) as well. I have had to waken him as he is attempting to call out to Jesus to help him.
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The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. II Corinthians 13:14
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Juan
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| Joined: | Tue Oct 17th, 2006 |
| Location: | Texas USA |
| Posts: | 247 |
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Posted: Sat Dec 23rd, 2006 08:07 pm |
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Something similar happened to both my wife and I when we had our conversion. My wife has always been Catholic, but she was not fervent.
1. We started to pray together daily, the Rosary, but unbeknownst to each other, we both had such horrific visions while we prayed that we decided to stop. Neither told the other because we were so confused.
Independently of each other...
2. I read a book by St. Louis De Montfort which said that Satan would react in that way and try to scare us from praying.
3. My wife spoke to a Protestant friend who told her that it was probably Satan trying to keep us from praying.
4. We spoke to each other and decided to continue praying.
5. Our daughter walked in the room while we were praying and said that the Devil had threatened her.
6. We are still praying to this day.
Whatever you do, DON'T STOP PRAYING.
Sincerely,
De Maria
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Ruthie
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| Joined: | Mon Nov 13th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houston, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 99 |
| First Name: | Ruthie | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | nominal Presbyterian, aetheist, evangelical Christian/Episcopalian, Catholic |
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Posted: Sat Dec 23rd, 2006 09:52 pm |
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Oh, Darlene, what a terrible experience! As I was reading your post, my first thought was that this is something evil. The fear. When one experiences God's presence, there is beautiful grace, not foreboding fear.
I read a couple of books on Padre Pio recently. He too experienced terrible fearful attacks from Satan, even physical attacks.
There is no doubt that as we come closer to God we can experience attacks of various kinds. I would think that this experience would confirm that you are truly on the right path.
I will pray for you. Pray for God's protection. Pray to St. Michael the Archangel.
Ruthie
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Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it. (NRSV, Luke 18:17)
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David W. Emery
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Brownsville, Texas USA |
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| First Name: | David | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Sat Dec 23rd, 2006 10:11 pm |
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God’s presence may inspire awe, even initial fright, but never sustained panic. Nor would a visit from him require an anti-anxiety medication. You should take your cue from the angelic visitations in the bible. The first words may be startling, but almost immediately there is always a “Fear not.”
When you say you “could not even pray,” this was probably not quite true. Your inner being was screaming out; you were not able to pronounce words, even in your mind, but your spirit was full of intention. So have no fear of being unable to pray. No matter what happens, God knows your heart.
From your description, it could be a warning that you are getting into territory that Satan does not like. However…
You are not disobeying anyone, least of all God, if you decide you need a little medication after an experience like this. You do not know if the phenomenon was a psychological or physical problem or a demonic visit. The tinnitis leads me to believe it could be something physical, at least in part. Best take steps to rule out physical or psychological causes before ascribing anything to supernatural causes.
David
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Darlene
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Pocono Mountains, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 877 |
| First Name: | Darlene | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Christian, trusting His love and forgiveness |
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Posted: Sun Dec 24th, 2006 12:26 am |
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David W. Emery wrote: [size=God’s presence may inspire awe, even initial fright, but never sustained panic. Nor would a visit from him require an anti-anxiety medication. You should take your cue from the angelic visitations in the bible. The first words may be startling, but almost immediately there is always a “Fear not.”
] [size=Yes, David I must agree with you here. The intense fear over a few hours was not the presence of God.] [size=
When you say you “could not even pray,” this was probably not quite true. Your inner being was screaming out; you were not able to pronounce words, even in your mind, but your spirit was full of intention. So have no fear of being unable to pray. No matter what happens, God knows your heart.
You described it perfectly! Yes, my inner being was crying out. At one point, I wanted so badly just to pray the Rosary but that voice told me not to - that it isn't right to pray the Rosary and it won't help me.
From your description, it could be a warning that you are getting into territory that Satan does not like. However…
And I have been considering this all day. If indeed my journey toward the Catholic faith and studying about sacraments such as the Holy Eucharist are territory (which I think they are) that Satan does not want me to understand and eventually partake in, then the Evil One is at work.
You are not disobeying anyone, least of all God, if you decide you need a little medication after an experience like this. You do not know if the phenomenon was a psychological or physical problem or a demonic visit. The tinnitis leads me to believe it could be something physical, at least in part. Best take steps to rule out physical or psychological causes before ascribing anything to supernatural causes.
Now that my thoughts have "cleared up" I know that taking the medication was not wrong. That was "false guilt" at work, which I fall prey to at times. Now that I have had time to look back on the occurance, I think it was all three - psychological, physical and demonic. It was physical in that the noice within my right ear grew louder and louder and the beeping would not stop. However, all day today, I have had that beeping sound in my ear, but it is not overwhelming like last night. It was psychological in that I allowed myself to succumb to false guilt about taking the medication. But now in hindsight, I believe that it was above all, demonic. Why? Because I was being told warned to turn back from my journey toward the Catholic faith. And the overwhelming message was one of warning that if I continue on my journey toward the Catholic faith, I will be deceived and lose my salvation. The fear especially came from the warning that I would lose my salvation. While I have been asking Jesus to continue leading me into His truth, I have never experienced His presence in such a frightening and terrifying way so as not to be able to pray in the spirit. The Lord Jesus wants us to pray and His presence brings peace, not turmoil, fear, and anxiety.
David
God Bless You, David Darlene]
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The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. II Corinthians 13:14
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Faithful
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| Joined: | Wed Nov 15th, 2006 |
| Location: | York, Pennsylvania USA |
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Posted: Sun Dec 24th, 2006 02:46 am |
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Darlene, when I first started to think about nothing but God and coming back to Him fully the darndest thing started to happen to me. I have a small fear of spiders. Of all Gods creatures this one I don't like too much. Anyway, as I sat in my lazy boy chair either reading or watching TV (Christian) I would have a spider slowly descend from the middle of my ceiling right in front of my face, not once, not twice but thrice within a weeks time. Now it wasn't the same spider as I killed it each time and made sure there was no webbing it could travel along. On the third occasion I was overcome with some kind of fear that I am not accustomed to, it seemed otherworldly. I just remember jumping up, killing the beast and standing in the middle of the room shaking. Then I became very dizzy and faint and felt as if I was about to die. I even wrote a note to whoever would find my body! Now I don't scare easy at all, but this was wrong, that’s all I could think. I went to the bathroom and splashed water on my face and felt my heart racing uncontrollably. Since that time I have not had such an experience, but it was not a common acrophobia fear. Gladly it has not happened since. It was just one of those strange things that are hard to explain. I joked that it was the first spider’s brothers coming to avenge its kin. Anyway, I still remember how I felt that third time and it was not rational. I think the devil can't stand it when we reunite with our Father. He wants us for himself
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BettyBoopToo
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Camas/Washougal, Washington USA |
| Posts: | 538 |
| First Name: | Betty | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Fist Baptist/Calvary Babtist/Secular Confusion/ Roman Catholic |
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Posted: Sun Dec 24th, 2006 03:26 am |
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Darlene:
From what I understand by what other's have experienced and what I experienced myself, Your's is not an isolated incident.
David & other's have already confirmed for you who & what the Evil Presence was, Although I think you already knew. It most likely will not be the last of him either.
I personally struggled daily for over a year with his attacks, He still tries it often,And always When I least expect it. Remember Satan Never Sleeps! And he'll catch you when your the most vulnerble and use your every weakness to try and turn you from the graces and protection of the Holy Catholic Church.
I had my home blessed and I also keep holy water fonts at every entrance. And extra located all around the house. I understand your most likely not ready for this step & it may upset your husband. If I were you though, I'd pick up a very small bottle at your local Catholic Book Store, Next time you go to mass, Look around and you'll see a container with a spicket on it, You can fill your bottle after mass, The water has already been blessed, and keep it near you. (I carry a small bottle in my purse too) Just incase I feel the need to bless my self with the sign of the cross and ask our lord to give me strengh, healing and also Ask St. Michael the Arch Angel to protect me. I had to give someone a ride in my car that I know has been active with Witch Craft, When I dropped her off I got my holy water out and sprinkled in the back seat asking the lord to please keep any evil away from me. my car and my family. I have a font by my bed and dip my fingers and cross my self before bed and when I rise. Sacramentals are very useful and Satan hates anything with our lords blessing attached to it.
If you'd ever like to talk more about this or anything else for that matter, you are welcome to e-mail me and I'll discuss and locate any information that I can help you with, If not, Well I'm still praying for you and I'll offer my rosary & today's pain for you.
God Bless you, May he keep you strong and his loving protection bring you peace in your heart & sole.
Betty
____________________
Patience
"Whenever anything disagreeable or displeasing happens to you, remember Christ crucified and be silent."
St. John of the Cross
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David W. Emery
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Posted: Sun Dec 24th, 2006 01:27 pm |
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Darlene, Faithful, Betty: The more experience I have with this apostolate, the more evidence accumulates of how much the demons hate it and are eager to do whatever they can to dissuade people from using it to enter on the way of the Lord. These incidents seem to happen to a number of participants each year.
This doesn’t mean that we should look upon every little adverse thing that happens as an act of Satan. Far from it. It is the Church’s standard practice to investigate for natural causes first.
Betty, I see that you are aware how much Satan hates holy water. I don’t know why a little blessed water has such power, but I have seen the same thing: it works. St. Teresa of Avila used it and recommended it as a defense against the demons.
But let us also remember that Satan and his henchmen have no power to harm us if we cling firmly to God, obeying him to the best of our ability. We need not fear anyone if we belong to God.
David
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BettyBoopToo
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Camas/Washougal, Washington USA |
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| First Name: | Betty | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Fist Baptist/Calvary Babtist/Secular Confusion/ Roman Catholic |
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Posted: Mon Dec 25th, 2006 05:39 am |
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Hello David:
This doesn’t mean that we should look upon every little adverse thing that happens as an act of Satan. Far from it. It is the Church’s standard practice to investigate for natural causes first.
I completely agree with you here. The first time I had an experience, I did not know what to think, At the time I did not even think that christians believed in Satan anymore.
When I first began trying to learn a bit about the RCC, I attended some classes given by some Sister's in Portland. They began teaching us about the Fall of Adam & Eve, Angels, God casting Satan & 1/3 of the angels down to earth, etc. The sister's taught us that we should all be more careful of what we say, Because when Satan was cast down, One of the gifts he lost was the ability of infused knowledge, That only God and those in Heaven were able to read our hearts & thoughts. They said we should be more mindful of our conversations because Satan could use this knowledge to find our weaknesses.
I've never heard anyone else talk about this and did not know if anyone else believed in this or not. Have you ever heard of this before?
I've always kept it in the back of my mind and pray in silence most of the time so he does not know what I'm praying about. If you have any thoughts on this I'd love to hear about it.
Betty, I see that you are aware how much Satan hates holy water. I don’t know why a little blessed water has such power, but I have seen the same thing: it works. St. Teresa of Avila used it and recommended it as a defense against the demons.
I've also wondered about Blessed salt, I read somewhere else that using salt has a longer lasting affect. Do you know anything about that either?
But let us also remember that Satan and his henchmen have no power to harm us if we cling firmly to God, obeying him to the best of our ability. We need not fear anyone if we belong to God.
I'm so thankful to God that after my Baptism I no longer fear him as I did before. I used to be terrified of death, Not knowing or understanding who or what was the right teaching was a dredful insecurity that caused me great anxiety. I no longer fear like I used to. All I commit to every day is to keep in faithful relationship with our savior.
Good night & Merry Christ-Mas! Your responses as usual leave me with a better understanding each time.
Thank You
Betty
____________________
Patience
"Whenever anything disagreeable or displeasing happens to you, remember Christ crucified and be silent."
St. John of the Cross
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David W. Emery
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Posted: Mon Dec 25th, 2006 01:39 pm |
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The first time I had an experience, I did not know what to think. At the time I did not even think that Christians believed in Satan any more.
I think you have seen quite enough since then to convince you of his existence and power. Yet, that power and that existence are creaturely and limited, and if we adhere to God, we need not fear him.
When I first began trying to learn a bit about the RCC, I attended some classes given by some Sisters in Portland.
I lived in Portland and environs for 28 years, moving to Texas in 1974. Most of my relatives still live there, and I visit them from time to time. Which order were the sisters, and where was the class held? Their teaching is good, classic doctrine. In your area, that’s not so easy to find, but there are groups here and there.
The sisters taught us that we should all be more careful of what we say, because when Satan was cast down, one of the gifts he lost was the ability of infused knowledge, that only God and those in Heaven were able to read our hearts & thoughts.
True. Being evil, he is denied the beatific vision. And because he is not able see creation reflected through the being and knowledge of God in the beatific vision, as the saints and angels do, he does not have this knowledge. But he is very astute in “reading lips” and inferring what’s going on. I doubt if anything you do, aside from deep-seated prayer to God, is going to be completely hidden from the demons, simply because we are material beings who have to express ourselves externally for most communication.
I’ve heard the same as you about blessed salt. But “holy water… is a mixture of exorcised water and exorcised salt; and in the prayer of blessing, God is besought to endow these material elements with a supernatural power of protecting those who use them with faith against all the attacks of the devil” (from the Catholic Encyclopedia). Therefore I see no effective difference between the two.
Your responses as usual leave me with a better understanding each time.
They had better. It’s why I write them. But isn’t it ironic that I should be spending Christmas day answering questions about demonic attacks?
David
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wvtrucker
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| Joined: | Sun Dec 24th, 2006 |
| Location: | Vienna, West Virginia USA |
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Posted: Mon Dec 25th, 2006 04:22 pm |
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Hello Darlene..That's a terrible experience you had and I pray it has passed..While reading your post,I was reminded of similar experiences while on my journey home..My levels of anxiety weren't as pronounced as yours but were frequent and disturbing..I prayed quite a bit and Christ comforted me but there were still times that I would experience the same feelings and I too wondered if they could be coming from God for some reason..A reasonable mind would immediately assume that they would be coming from the opposite direction and I assumed the same but still the feelings would invade me..One day while driving and listening to EWTN on my satellite radio,,I heard a priest talking about the importance of not having anything pagan in our homes and how our ememy could use even the simplest things against us..I immediately began doing a mental inventory of my home and knew that I had some items that needed to be gotten rid of..While being away from the Church,,I had dabbled in some pagan religions and had some items like tarrot cards and books on wicca and celtic druidism,,etc..Once I arrived home for the weekend,,I did a clean sweep of my house and got rid of everything that could even think about being considered as pagan..I trashed them all and prayed that Mary would reveal anything to me that would be offensive to her Son..I have since began to introduce some sacramentals to my home and seem to have thus been relieved from the anxieties that were bugging me.
Perhaps you may have something in your home that you would be better off without..It's worth a look see and some prayer...
God love you sister,,I pray your anxieties will cease.
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