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Ali
Member
| Joined: | Sat Jan 6th, 2007 |
| Location: | Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 623 |
| First Name: | Ali | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | JW, finally fully Catholic |
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Posted: Wed Apr 23rd, 2008 12:09 pm |
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My stepson, who lives with us, is soon to be 20. He has had the same girlfriend for three ?? four ?? years now. She's lovely, no issues. Thank goodness. She is two and a half years younger than him.
Our rule, at our house or her's, has always been to be chaperoned. I know that's an old fashioned word, and I actually don't use it around him for some reason. Like it's a bad word or something  But that's just the way it's been. Usually we don't have complaints or comments. It's never been up for discussion. And honestly, we don't have very many house rules, so to speak. Oh, and the usually suspects are the younger two kids  Nobody makes a better chaperone than a 7 year old who is in love with his older brother's girlfriend, or the 11 year old sister who looks up to this girl as a role model and older sister herself. I told you we love the girlfriend, right? And besides, the younger two can tattle without knowing they are tattling 
Going out is different. And yes, I know, anything can happen at any time. But, in our opinion, why give them the extra temptation of unlimited alone time in a home with all the comforts? Anyway, I don't expect a chaperone shopping or dining out.
Well, with the gf turning 18 this year, graduating HS, and heading off to college, should be as uptight about this? Or is this a continuation of "My house, My rules"?
Jordan was attending college, but now has an almost full time job. He plans to attend a community college in the fall, hopefully with some assistance from his employer. He contributes to his household expenses, but shows no inclination to leave the nest anytime soon. The gf will be going away to college and staying there. I envision day/overnight trip requests. I know she also feels strongly about waiting, but that is so hard to do when it's right there for you, kwim?
Any BTDT's or sage advice from those of us who think we would make better parents than our parents?  Ohhh, young people, how would you like your parents to handle a similar situation??
Thanks!!
Ali
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mrsbmoo
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 267 |
| First Name: | Becky | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | former Methodist. RCA, Presbyterian, Holiness, Wesleyan... Catholic as of June ... |
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Posted: Wed Apr 23rd, 2008 09:28 pm |
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| OOOOOOh, I want to know the answer too. My situation is very similar. My oldest daughter is graduating from High School this year but she will only be turning 17 this Summer. She has a boyfriend who is 24 and likely going into the Marines this fall. So far they are never allowed to be alone and only in each other's physical presence at work and with me present, although we have given permission for them to attend her Senior prom together this Friday. The reason we have never let them go anywhere together is that we were under the impression it was illegal for them to date in VA. So when she graduates will this still be an illegal relationship because she is under 18? She wants to go meet his family in Maine this summer but would this count as taking a minor across state lines and be illegal? To me it is a wierd situation since she will be in college next year but still a minor. How can I limit her friends to those under 18? The guy is really nice, serious about his faith, and I don't perceive any perversion or duplicity about him. He is a former Catholic, now evangelical but attends Mass with us. All he will say is that something bad happened as a teen that made him leave the Catholic church and seek God elsewhere.
____________________
Becky
Wife of Michael(called Moo) and stay at home mom to 5 daughters between 7 months and 16
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Ali
Member
| Joined: | Sat Jan 6th, 2007 |
| Location: | Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 623 |
| First Name: | Ali | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | JW, finally fully Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Apr 25th, 2008 11:43 am |
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mrsbmoo wrote: OOOOOOh, I want to know the answer too. My situation is very similar. My oldest daughter is graduating from High School this year but she will only be turning 17 this Summer. She has a boyfriend who is 24 and likely going into the Marines this fall. So far they are never allowed to be alone and only in each other's physical presence at work and with me present, although we have given permission for them to attend her Senior prom together this Friday. The reason we have never let them go anywhere together is that we were under the impression it was illegal for them to date in VA. So when she graduates will this still be an illegal relationship because she is under 18? She wants to go meet his family in Maine this summer but would this count as taking a minor across state lines and be illegal? To me it is a wierd situation since she will be in college next year but still a minor. How can I limit her friends to those under 18? The guy is really nice, serious about his faith, and I don't perceive any perversion or duplicity about him. He is a former Catholic, now evangelical but attends Mass with us. All he will say is that something bad happened as a teen that made him leave the Catholic church and seek God elsewhere.
Well, Becky, I guess it's jut you and me. 
I thought in cases like your's that if you gave permission then it was breaking the law  IRT the Maine trip, I would write a note, and have it notarized that he is her guardian for the duration of the trip. Which I tend to do for any under age kid traveling with another family. I swear I am not over protective, but this is a roll over from my JW days I can't shake That way if a kid needs medical treatment or something the other family, whom I trust implicity, can make those life threatening decisions until I arrive or can be reached.
Will they be travelling alone? Feel free to take this to private if you want 
Ali
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mg57
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Tolland County, Connecticut USA |
| Posts: | 166 |
| First Name: | mg57 | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Infant Baptised Catholic |
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Posted: Mon May 5th, 2008 01:24 am |
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Ali -
There's a few things that weren't clear to me from your post, for example, is the stepson Catholic ? Has he had any Christian formation / education that he still values ? The girlfriend as well ? I just wasn't sure if there's any basis or common backround for discussion on these issues.
Also, if you have a good relationship with her, would she be open to you sharing anything like -
http://www.tobforteens.com/video/
You certainly could approach the subject from the standpoint ofwhat are the cultural and social influences that predominate on many campuses and even faculty / courses. The theme of an awareness of just what are principles, and what that means to anyone today. Discussion not instruction.
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Ali
Member
| Joined: | Sat Jan 6th, 2007 |
| Location: | Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 623 |
| First Name: | Ali | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | JW, finally fully Catholic |
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Posted: Wed May 7th, 2008 12:43 pm |
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(I don't know why the format is all funky at the end, I can't fix it and it wasn't viewing that way when I previewed it.)
mg57 wrote: Ali -
There's a few things that weren't clear to me from your post, for example, is the stepson Catholic ?
He attends Mass weekly with us, it is a nonnegotiable. He hasn't taken it to heart for himself. It seems to be more something he does to keep his Dad happy. He isn't confirmed. He does go to confession during the required semi-annual times. Which makes me want to  , but at least it's something, yk?
mg57 wrote:
Has he had any Christian formation / education that he still values ? Honestly, I would say no. His Mom had him attend CCD when he was little, but seeing her lifestyle, {sitting on hands so I don't say anything bad}. Anyway, Catholic religion was not important to dh during the early years of our marriage. And if it had anything to do with Catholic, I definitely wasn't hearing it.
Since he has been with us, though, at age 14 it has been ~more~. We always invited him to RCIA with us. I tried to get him interested in the youth group and activities (such as they are) at our parish, but he wasn't interested. And now, I do religion every day with Q, I teach CCD, attend classes, church material and reading stuff is all over the house. You can't escape! LOL If he had any interest at all, it's here and available.
Only I'm afraid its to little to late for him. But dh didn't own it until he turned 40, so there is still hope for Jordan! LOL
mg57 wrote:
The girlfriend as well ? She does attend church/Sunday school sort of regular. She seems to have a strong moral compass and sense of right and wrong. And has indicated to me in conversation that sex is something worth waiting for.
mg57 wrote:
Also, if you have a good relationship with her, would she be open to you sharing anything like - mg57 wrote:
You certainly could approach the subject from the standpoint of what are the cultural and social influences that predominate on many campuses and even faculty / courses. The theme of an awareness of just what are principles, and what that means to anyone today. Discussion not instruction. But what is common today on most campuses is doing what feels good as long as no one gets hurt. At least IMO. Yeah, you'll find some kids who wear purity rings, or what have you, but you have to seek those students out.
{sigh} Parenting does not get any easier as the child gets older.
Ali
Last edited on Wed May 7th, 2008 12:45 pm by Ali
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mg57
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Tolland County, Connecticut USA |
| Posts: | 166 |
| First Name: | mg57 | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Infant Baptised Catholic |
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Posted: Wed May 7th, 2008 11:54 pm |
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God bless you, - you have my prayers, and I'm sure those of others on the board here as well. 
I'm also glad to know you're volunteering with CCD as part of your apostolate, we can always use more enthusiastic and well-formed ones like you.
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