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gmoran85
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 16th, 2006 |
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| Posts: | 2 |
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Posted: Sun Dec 17th, 2006 02:09 pm |
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| Hello, my name is Gloria. A couple of weeks ago I posted some questions about Catholicism and how I am confused about certain things, this was under the Bible section. The reason I am writing under the sexuality and life isssues section is because I am struggling not only with my spiritual confusion but also with me sexuality. To make my story short, I think I have had same-sex attraction and I think this is why too I am feeling confused and doubtful about my faith overall. Sometimes I feel like I am not a good person because sometimes I feel and think the way I think about people my same sex and because I know it is wrong and I still do it. A part of me says that I need to change and that it is possible to change. I have been going to websites like courage and it helps but I still struggle, sometimes I wish I could just end this and be normal. I think another reason i feel so attached to these feelings is because I have friends that are going through the same thing as me, with the only difference that they have accepted they are who they are and they can't change and they also say they believe in God but do not practice any religion. I don't know how to tell them that I want to change and not be "that" anymore because they think I am just in a state of denial and that it will make me unhappy. Sometimes they invite me to go out to places and I don't want to go to them anymore. They are not bad people and I don't want them to feel I am judging them, is just that I want to take a different path then they are taking right now...you never know someday they might consider taking a similar path to mine...All I know is that both my confusion of my belief in God and what church I should join and is the true one, AND my confusion about my sexuality are making my life a living hell...It drains me in all senses, I try not to think about these two thing much, but sometimes it is difficult, now I am frustrated all the time, I don't laugh much, I feel empty and unhappy sometimes...and I am only 21 years old...If you can advice me at least in the spiritual part it would help me some...I need support and I know in a place like this I can find it...Thank you...God bless...
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David W. Emery
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Brownsville, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 2410 |
| First Name: | David | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Sun Dec 17th, 2006 07:30 pm |
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Hello, Gloria. Yes, I remember your previous post. I hope the advice the various people gave was helpful.
So now you are having to face the problem of same sex attraction (SSA). Clearly you want to do what is right, and that is a big advantage. You have been visiting the Courage website; that is one of the best choices you can make. Actually participating with them, either through the internet or, even better, in one of their local support groups, can really help you to work through your problems.
You are doing right in separating yourself from those people who are likely to lead you in the wrong direction. “Just accept that you are queer,” they are saying. Well yes, you do have to accept the truth, but not quite in the way they mean it. You don’t have to give in to it. You can stand firm and maintain your virtue just as well as heterosexual people are called to do with regard to the opposite sex outside of marriage. It’s not impossible, although you do have to stay close to God and seek his grace. For it is grace that saves us all. We don’t do anything all by ourselves.
A part of me says that I need to change and that it is possible to change.
For some, this is a definite possibility. Maybe you are among them. The people at Courage can refer you to specialists in helping those suffering from SSA to return to normal heterosexual attraction. But even if you find yourself unable to “get well,” you can learn to live a good life that is pleasing to God.
It is very important that you understand that just because you have these inclinations and feelings doesn’t mean you are sinning. It is the acting out of your SSA that is condemned, not the disorder itself. This is the difference between a temptation and a sin. So long as you are resisting and not participating, you are doing good, not evil. It is when you give in and do these things that it becomes evil and sinful.
You don’t want to go with those others. They want to take advantage of you, to lead you into sin as they have others. I have seen people trapped in the lifestyle because they listened to people such as these. There may be parts of their lives that are not bad, but in this they are like the devil. You do not want to become anyone’s slave.
No, you are not judging them because you don’t want to associate with them. You are caring for your own sanity and spiritual health. And you are right, your good example may eventually help one of them to recover from her own private hell. In this you would be doing good, not evil.
Finally, remember this: good and evil are not about feelings but about truth. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it doesn’t stay that way. In the end, the truth always heals and leads to happiness. It works this way in religion, and it is the same in sexuality. Yes, it is exhausting to fight against temptation, but it is the life’s work of each and every human being. You have your problems, other people have different ones. But everyone has to fight against the evil impulses. Not to fight is to consent to hell.
You are a good person, Gloria. You are trying to do right. Just stick with it, find the help you need, especially with Courage, and you will be victorious.
God bless you.
David
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Darlene
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Pocono Mountains, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 868 |
| First Name: | Darlene | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Christian, trusting His love and forgiveness |
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Posted: Sun Dec 17th, 2006 09:02 pm |
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Hello Gloria,
I can understand your feelings very well. When I was a teen, I noticed that I had an attraction to the same sex. Now whether or not that was normal, I do not know. I have heard it said by some that most people at one time or another have a same sex attraction. In fact, yesterday at a family function, we were talking about this very thing. Even now, from time to time, I still experience those familiar spirits coming back to visit me.
Now with that said, I do know that what David said is true. Truth is what we should allign our lives and feelings to, not the other way around. Since my teenaged years, I have had many attractions to various things that are in opposition to God and His Word and will for my life. Yet at the time of my struggles, those feelings were so strong, so INTENSE, that I feared I might give in. And I can look back and remember that I would hear many arguments, (that seemed logical at the time) in defense of giving in to those temptations. And believe me, those temptations seemed so attractive. The nature of sin is that, for a time it really is attractive and can even bring enjoyment, to our flesh that is.
Now that I am mature in Christ, the "evil one" no longer tempts me with the same passions of the flesh as in my youth. Or I suppose it would be more accurate to say that not with the same intensity nor as often. Of course there are still times that I am tempted with those youthful desires, but FAR LESS! None-the-less, I am still tempted to sin against God. Such is the plight of all human beings. Each of us has our cross to bear, our struggle to overcome.
Two things that have helped me throughtout my life have been prayer and fellowship. I have been greatly helped by casting my burdens upon the Lord. Sometimes this process of prayer is in itself, a struggle. I would find that while I was being tempted the most, it was most difficult to pray. But as I would "practice" prayer, (the Bible says we must pray at all times and to pray unceasingly), I would sense God's grace being given to me.
Fellowship with Christain friends that I can trust has also been of great help. I would discover that they, like myself, were also tempted and many times in the same manner. Sometimes our shame keeps us from talking about our struggles with others. Do you have a close Christain friend, Gloria? If not, perhaps talking to a clergyman or priest will help. It is important that you have someone you can talk to in whom you feel safe and can trust.
Please keep us informed of your struggles and feel free to post here whenever you are so disposed. I will keep you in my prayers, Gloria.
Love in Christ,
Darlene
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The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. II Corinthians 13:14
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mg57
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Connecticut USA |
| Posts: | 234 |
| First Name: | mg57 | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Infant Baptised Catholic |
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Posted: Thu Jan 4th, 2007 12:48 am |
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Hi Gloria -
In addition to the fine replies here, our faith study group listened to and discussed the excellent Christopher West Theology of the Body series, -
http://www.ascensionpress.com/shop/Scripts/prodView.asp?idproduct=151
http://www.ascensionpress.com/shop/Scripts/prodView.asp?idproduct=169
I could also recommend the following from Fr. Robert Spitzer S.J. -
- to start, try programs 4 & 5 here -
http://www.ewtn.com/vondemand/audio/seriessearchprog.asp?seriesID=6710&T1=Spitzer
based on the four levels / principles -
http://www.lifeprinciples.net/MessageHappiness.html
He ( Fr. Spitzer) presents the Christ-centered philosophy of life which compliments the Theology of the Body very well.
God bless !
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