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cbowden
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| Joined: | Sat Jan 6th, 2007 |
| Location: | Burke, Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 4 |
| First Name: | Craig | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Presbyterian, Non-denominational, Episcopalian, Non-denominational, now Catholic |
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Posted: Sat Jan 6th, 2007 05:28 pm |
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I am a recent convert to the Catholic Church (this past year). I was born and raised Presbyterian, became a Christian as a teen,then eventually Episcopalian after college. We left there almost three years ago and the Lord kind of miraculously led my wife and I to the Catholic Church after a circuatous route through other churches and non-denoms. My wife was raised Catholic, then left after college and became part of many various protestant churches. We met 23 years ago at the Episcopal Church. Been married now almost 20 years.
We have four kids, 15, 14, 11, and 9. (about twice the national average)
As married Christian protestants we used various forms of birth control, though not the pill. My wife is about to turn 50, and I am 45.
My question has to do with contraception. When we were going thru RCIA starting last fall we started using Natural Family Planning in October of 2005- many months before actually being received into the Church in April 2006. We felt we needed to be able to do this if we were going to abide by and follow the church's teaching. It was a challenge at first, but then we started kind of getting used to it.
A number of months later, month, my wife was alittle late for her period, and this made us very nervous. She then started her period. (whew!) we were glad.
Then this past month, she was overdue for her period by 10 whole days.
We were extremely anxious, and as time went on, I had finally pretty much given this over to God and said "His will be done, whatever it is." My wife was not in the same place. She was praying that she would not be pregnant and that she would have her period.
Finally she started her period, but it was 10 days past normal. (!)
The bottom line is, we don't really want to have more kids. We LOVE our kids to death.
We have FOUR of them!!
But we've got all we can handle, and in particular my wife at her age doesn't want to be in a position to have more kids- at age 50- given her age, potential health risks for a mother, a possible child, and other reasons- monetary and otherwise.
What can we do? The Natural Family Planning doesn't necessarily seem that reliable, given the potential for my wife's cycles to vary (recently)- possibly due to her age (??).
And it seems that abstinence is the only choice (but that doesn't really seem like a healthy and life-giving or loving choice)
We used contraception (once) recently- because of fears about pregnancy- and now I feel guilty about it, and think I should go to confession before receiving Communion. My wife doesn't necessarily feel this way, and needs to be convinced otherwise, and find out better what the church teaching is on this.
I have done a lot of reading in the Catechism and other places about it.
I guess we're trying to find balance, without being legalistic, and also knowing that we DO love our kids, and have had more than the average couple has.
Any thoughts??
Thanks!
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wvtrucker
Member
| Joined: | Sun Dec 24th, 2006 |
| Location: | Vienna, West Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 6 |
| First Name: | Mark | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Roman Catholic |
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Posted: Sun Jan 7th, 2007 01:10 am |
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cbowden wrote: I feel guilty about it, and think I should go to confession before receiving Communion.
Any thoughts??
Thanks!
Hi there Nick...Confession is always a beautiful place to start when we are faced with moral dilemmas.The Sacrament of Reconciliation helps us to become more aware and responsive to God's will as well as leading us to a deeper appreciation and understanding of the teachings of His Church.
What I would suggest is that you and your wife set an appointment with your parish priest and talk openly with him as you have here and let him guide you and her with his suggestions....Here's a link to a great article I found on a nfp site...
http://ccli.org/nfp/contraception/NFPvsContraception.php
God love ya' Brother..Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus...
____________________
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David W. Emery
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Brownsville, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 2410 |
| First Name: | David | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Sun Jan 7th, 2007 11:38 am |
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What you seem to be saying here is: “We want a 100 percent sure method of avoiding more children without having to practice abstinence.”
No method other than abstinence is 100 percent effective. Practical figures for other “technically most effective methods” (and NFP is one of those) run about 80 percent. As you are already aware, methods other than abstinence and NFP are not moral options for Catholics.
The following is my own imperfect understanding of the situation. It should be checked out with your pastor and doctor, at the very least.
At age 49–50, your wife is probably experiencing menopause. And upon entering menopause a woman often experiences an irregular period. Granted, it makes NFP extremely difficult to practice. However, it is considered morally acceptable to use medication to regulate the period so that one can approach feminine fertility more confidently.
Most physicians seem to favor the contraceptive pill for period regulation, simply because it does a good job at this and is readily available at a reasonable price. I do not know if other medications are available, but there may well be non-contraceptive alternatives. They would be preferable to any medication that is contraceptive in nature.
Even a contraceptive medication is in some circumstances considered morally acceptable if taken for purposes other than contraception, including period regulation. But I am only familiar with this applying to unmarried (abstinent) women. I am dubious as to whether it would be a moral alternative for you, since you would be continuing with your marital relations. This is why I strongly recommend that you check out alternative medications.
Probably something can be found that will be both effective and morally acceptable. Again, I urge you to consult both with your pastor and with your doctor to help determine your path.
In Christ,
David
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mrsbmoo
Member
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 344 |
| First Name: | Becky | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | former Methodist. RCA, Presbyterian, Holiness, Wesleyan... Catholic as of June ... |
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Posted: Sun Jan 7th, 2007 04:30 pm |
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Being a woman who just turned 40 and knowing many women my age I would say you wife shows all the signs of entering menopause. If she is both charting physical signs and temperature she should know whether she is still ovulating in spite of irregular periods. I have used it while breastfeeding which tends to completely throw off your cycle. I actually bought a computer program which if you enter the signs and temps will determine when you are ovulating. I find it very convenient. I would contest David's stat on the effectiveness. What I have read is that it is as effective as birth control pills, about 98%. Of course it would be practically higher if you were entering menopause and had a lessened chance of conceiving anyway.
I have used Fertility Awareness Method since the birth of my 11 year old, long before I even considered becoming Catholic and trust it completely but I know my formerly Catholic and returning husband(married second husband almost 4 years ago) had a really hard time trusting it. Even though he knew if he returned to the church, he would have to use it, it took a great deal of education to convince him. In my area there are women who will go over your charts with you and advise you about the method. Maybe your wife could check with a local advisor?
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Becky
Wife of Michael(called Moo) and stay at home mom to 5 daughters between 13 months and 17
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CajunRick
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Posted: Sun Jan 7th, 2007 04:43 pm |
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mrsbmoo wrote: I would contest David's stat on the effectiveness. What I have read is that it is as effective as birth control pills, about 98%.
David is referring to "real world" statistics, which include failures due to improper use. The medical community touts statistics which indicate the failure rate when a contraceptive method is properly used, and every method comes out at 98-99% effective; the "real world" statistics include those times when a pill is missed, or a condom is put on too late or left on too long, etc.
As many a regretful teenager has learned, pills and condoms are not foolproof even when properly used, but in real life, the failure rate is much higher. In the real world, the failure rate is also considerably higher among the young, the less educated, and the poor, who are less likely to read and follow instructions properly.
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