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amielou
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| Joined: | Sat Oct 18th, 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 33 |
| First Name: | Amy | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Christian (Disciples of Christ), Evangelical Free, RCIA |
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Posted: Tue Nov 18th, 2008 03:42 pm |
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Update:
I opened up communication with my friend again, after a period off to let feelings cool down (this was the good advice of a mutual friend).
It's still not going well. She sent an e-mail that would probably be 4 pages if I printed it. She said she was sorry for calling me bitter, then the next paragraph began like this "You are very bitter". Okay. I'm not bitter toward Protestants, but her interpretation is that disagreeing with them and leaving Protestantism can only be attributed to bitterness, not to rational choice. And I know that to be true because she said this to our mutual friend "why would she leave Protestantism if she weren't bitter?"
She also told me that I do not understand the concept of grace and she is not a good friend unless she is able to make me understand it. Then she told me that she doesn't understand why I feel that she has been treating me not as a friend but as someone who needs her help, guidance and teaching.
I have not responded because I am too tempted at this point to suggest that she read her own e-mail to get a clue of how condescendingly she is treating me. Obviously, that attitude will not help. I talked to the priest teaching RCIA about this and he doesn't even seem to have any understanding of why a friend would respond this way. The priest who is marrying us has always been a bit fascinated with Evangelicalism and paid attention to their theology and efforts to convert Catholics, so I may end up giving him a call and seeing if he has any wisdom for me.
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MCGar
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| Joined: | Tue Nov 25th, 2008 |
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| Posts: | 1 |
| First Name: | Cristi | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic |
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Posted: Sat Dec 6th, 2008 04:41 pm |
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I think the best responce to write back would be something like this:
Dear [friends name],
We've been friends for such a long time, I love you and I don't want to have this issue come between our friendship. Please know that I understand where you are coming from but I still hold to my religious beliefs. I hope you can understand and we can go forward in our friendship while agreeing to disagree.
I think what is best for the both of us is to no longer discuss theology for a while. Our beliefs are dear to both of us and we only hurt each other trying to explain them.
Love, [your name]
Then stick to it it's going to be REALLY hard, but when she e-mails you or talks to you, only focus and talk about non-theology topics. If she brings up theology, stay silent, and change the subject with a cheery smile. Show true interest with her as a friend in non-theology parts of her life and after a while she'll get tired of bringing up a topic that has no feedback. If she asks why you won't respond, just say that you don't want to talk about theology with her but you love her and want to talk about other things.
Good luck and god bless
ps please update
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Intercessor
Member
| Joined: | Tue Sep 25th, 2007 |
| Location: | Southcentral, Kentucky USA |
| Posts: | 1549 |
| First Name: | Becky | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Southern Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Sat Dec 6th, 2008 10:09 pm |
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Cristi, welcome to the CHNI forum. I hope you enjoy participating here.
Becky
____________________
Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials. . .the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Blessed is the man who perseveres in temptation, for when he has been proved he will receive the crown of life. . . NAB James 1:2-4,12
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Denise L
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| Joined: | Sat Dec 27th, 2008 |
| Location: | Point Pleasant, West Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 13 |
| First Name: | Denise | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | I was raised primarily in the Methodist Church, although I ... |
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Posted: Sun Dec 28th, 2008 06:16 am |
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As I read through all the posts here, the first thought that came through my mind is to ask if you are praying for your friend and your relationship with her? Prayer can not just bring about conversion but also heal a lot of hurts.
When I became a Catholic, I had a couple of relatives that decided to antagonize me about it. One of them decided to bully me by telling me she would never speak to me again. My response at the time was a rather flip, "Then if silence is golden, I just struck it rich," after which I told her, "If you choose to not speak to me because of this, that is your choice. I will pray for you." When she realized she wasn't going to bully me into doing what she wanted, and her silence wasn't going to visibly bother me, she eventually came around. My other relative who was openly antagonizing got a nice dose of humble pie several years later when he married a Polish girl from Poland. She was - you guessed it - Roman Catholic. When he admitted that, I snickered and said not one word. He got the message loud and clear. A lot of them realized quite a bit when they attended his wedding - at her church in Poland - and of course, as the got to know her. Here was a born in the flesh Catholic, and she didn't have horns growing out of her head, worship idols, practice cannibalism or any other crazy superstitions they held about Catholics.
Amy - if I were in your position, I would probably do the following. Go purchase a two copies of the Catechism of the Catholic Church - one for you and an extra. It doesn't have to be an expensive one. You can get a nice hard copy version for about $15 at Barnes and Noble, and cheaper than that if you get the paperback copy. Then, I would send an e-mail to your friend saying basically what the earlier poster already said and add the following: If you want to know what Catholicism teaches, I have a book for you that sums it all up quite nicely and has lots of scripture references. You are welcome to it if and whenever you decide you want to read it. Then, if she brings up theology, you can answer politely with, "Would you like to borrow the book I told you about?" Most importantly - stick to your guns and don't give in and talk to her about any theology issues. And of course - pray for her at least daily. It may convert her, and it will definitely keep your frustration with her more in check and remind you just how much you love her. Most of all - focus your friendship on other areas beyond your faith in God.
There's an Archbishop Sheen quote that I think is very appropriate here. It goes something to the effect of, "People are nearly as offended by what Catholics believe as by what they think Catholics believe."
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amielou
Member
| Joined: | Sat Oct 18th, 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 33 |
| First Name: | Amy | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Christian (Disciples of Christ), Evangelical Free, RCIA |
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Posted: Sun Dec 28th, 2008 07:39 pm |
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Hi, Denise--thanks for your good advice and kind words.
My friend and I have seen each other twice in the last month and basically have avoided the topic of church and faith. It feels very awkward to do so, and I have had to bite my tongue a few times. The first time was a "Girls Night" with a large group including the two of us, a good mutual friend and some of that woman's friends. All Evangelicals but me. One of them skipped dinner after the movie we went to because she wanted to go home thinking she was ovulating and she and her husband are trying to have a baby. My friend asked her if she was using basal body temperature charting of some kind and she looked blank and said that she was just guessing because she'd had a bit of a pain in her abdomen, and they had just been randomly guessing every month. I almost opened my mouth to suggest that she look into the Creighton Fertility Model (we are very near to Omaha) but I was afraid it would bring up the Church so I didn't.
There was also some awkwardness when we went out alone for lunch and Christmas shopping last weekend. I told her on the phone before we met each other that I needed to be home in time for my fiance and I to make it to Saturday night mass. We had decided to go on Saturday night since Sunday was supposed to be so cold that it was recommended people stay inside (and it was indeed that cold). She snapped at me that she doesn't think church should be so convenient that you can arrange it around bad weather. So I said it wasn't really since going on Saturday night would cut short our shopping outing. Then she had to concede my point.
I have been praying about this, and it has improved, but it is one of those elephant in the room situations. And I still don't know what to do about the wedding party situation. I feel strange about having a maid of honor who doesn't respect my choices.
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durin1211
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| Joined: | Sun Dec 7th, 2008 |
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| Posts: | 13 |
| First Name: | Frank | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Roman Catholic, Non-Denominational, Vineyard |
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Posted: Thu Jan 1st, 2009 06:17 am |
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I am currently attending at the Vineyard and am feeling a strong pull back towards the Catholic Church.
In my whole time since I left the RCC in 96 I have only gone through a short anti-Catholic period. And boy I am glad it was short. Reality intervened.
It sounds like you have friend troubles with your friend in her "losing" you to marriage and to a different church. A Church she feels very dubious about.
What I would tell her is that she is a good friend and you don't want anything to come between you, BUT this is your wedding. You need her to back off on her Theologizing so you can enjoy the happiest day of your life where you will be joined in marriage to the guy you love. You do not need this kind of grief right now.
Hopefully she will listen.
You might want to turn the table on her and ask her WWJD?
Wouldn't Jesus support a friend of his as they get ready for thier wedding? Sounds sort of like what he did at Cana. He didn't go out and tell everybody that they ran out of wine and have a big joke on the wedding couple. No, behind the scenes he got the job done and it was the BEST wine too. He certainly knows how to be a friend of a wedding party.
Good Luck!
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Truthseeker
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 4th, 2006 |
| Location: | Costa Mesa, California USA |
| Posts: | 481 |
| First Name: | Laura | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | lapsed and returned CATHOLIC!!!!!! |
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Posted: Thu Jan 1st, 2009 05:40 pm |
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My friend from 1st grade and I came to Christ around the same time in 2001 (just a month or two apart). She to pentacostalism, me to non-understanding Catholic church, intense non-denom evangelical worsjip, fear of ANY church, and finally, blessedly, to Christ's church.
We literally went from worshiping together daily (which sometimes, was really us talking about what great Christians we were and how everyone else obviously wasn't, even though they claimed to be - can you believe our pride?) to arguing about who God was and what He expects from His disciples. She would literally scream in my face! It became so horrible, I finally just stopped calling her that much.
It has been several years, and now, we love each other very much, but see each other very little. We are not arguing, just not in the same circles anymore. I occasionally attend a morning prayer group wit her (not very theological, so I do not worry so much about getting a false teaching as I used to). We are careful to not attack each other's beilefs.
One thing I finally figured out was this...just by saying I had found truth, my friend was most likely hearing me say her beliefs were false. Because if we believe differently, and my belief is true, that automatically makes hers false and wrong. And, you just have to defend that. Your friend may need to prove that you are wrong, because otherwise she is.
Maybe, you could just ask her pray for you as she feels the need but to let all these discussions go until after the wedding. Ask her how much she wants to participate, based on how she feels about everything, and then tell her you would love to enjoy it all - and enjoy it with her - but arguing with your friend is making you so sad.
Don't be blamey. Be very general. And, if she asks why....anything, just say you know things are different now, but you still love her and that doesn't change (except that I know it does after a long time of attacks).
Maybe, let her know that you know of people who lost their friends when converting and you don't want that to happen, because she is so important to you. And tell her that you are trying to follow God the best you can.
God bless! I know how heartbreaking it is!
Love, Laura
____________________
Lord, please make my will your Will!
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