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sewnsew
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Arizona USA |
| Posts: | 913 |
| First Name: | Kim | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | cradle Anglican, Episcopal /Catholic-04/07/07 |
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Posted: Sun May 13th, 2007 05:09 pm |
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| My Dh was brought up Sb, left at 18, when we got married he agreed that the kids would be brought up Episcopal but didn't attend church himself except for special occasions. For many of those years I sat alone in the pew since our kids served as acolytes every Sunday. I started to have doubts trickling into my mind over the last 8 or 9 years but really didn't know where to go. Last year my husband started attending church each week- it was very nice to go as a family but the doubts were getting to be loud shouts in my mind. In January i discovered this site and realized that I had a choice- I COULD be come Catholic- in my confused mind I think that somehow I figured if you weren't born Catholic that you were out of luck) So as many of you know I joined the church this Easter after an abbreviated but intense RCIA experience. I am still doing the Catholic home study courses on my own at home. All this is leading up to my post today: My children so far do not want to leave our old Church and since my defection the powers that be over there are going out of their way to include them as full members of the parish in their own right rather than children of the parish - and at 14 & 16 this is very attractive to them. My husband has said that he will attend Whatever church the kids go to (he doesn't take communion ever). so I am back to attending church alone ( even more so since before the kids at least were in the same church) and it is lonely. So I am struggling to put down new roots while praying that eventually my kids will join me. In the meantime as I attend service every week it becomes more the church of my childhood with the liturgy being chanted , traditional hymns ( not always the best music but whatever) and the Eucharist being again the Eucharist of my childhood in an Anglo- catholic parish vs the feel good start of today's Episcopal Church.
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David W. Emery
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Brownsville, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 2427 |
| First Name: | David | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Sun May 13th, 2007 06:07 pm |
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Kim, this is the perennial dilemma of a religiously divided family. Yours is divided three ways, which makes the problem even more acute.
I do not like the idea of your teenaged children being pandered to in order to persuade them to remain Episcopalian, as if they were actually adults. I was intellectually precocious, but at age 14 or 16 I was definitely not ready to be an “adult member” of anything, even though it seemed as if it were being pushed onto me, too. If your husband were at all religious, this would clearly be his responsibility. Since he is not, the children will begin with delight but end up like their father. Human nature will see to it. That can be almost guaranteed.
You could accompany your children to the Episcopal church each week, but they would know your heart is not in it and that you are doing it just to chaperone them. It would accomplish nothing, as I see it.
The only other way is to insist that they attend the Catholic church with you, like it or not. And if they don’t like it, come emancipation time, they will be “outta here.” Again, that can be almost guaranteed.
So you are between a rock and a hard place.
Was it a mistake for you to become Catholic? Not if you are convinced this is where the truth is. Where truth is concerned, the side effects can only be seen as incidental. But they still have to be dealt with.
Meanwhile, you are in the midst of a transition. I know what it is like to cross the Tiber alone. If you are a “joiner,” this is the way to get integrated and rebuild your life, socially as well as religiously. If not, it will likely be a lonely struggle of long duration.
David
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sewnsew
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Arizona USA |
| Posts: | 913 |
| First Name: | Kim | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | cradle Anglican, Episcopal /Catholic-04/07/07 |
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Posted: Sun May 13th, 2007 06:19 pm |
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I am not a joiner- like you I don't like the "wooing" of the kids either but on the other hand I feel it would be a mistake to force them to come to the Catholic church with me- nor do I think my husband would allow it- he will happily come to church at a Catholic church with all of us if they choose to follow me but he would be against me forcing a change even if I could.
>>Was it a mistake for you to become Catholic? Not if you are convinced this is where the truth is. Where truth is concerned, the side effects can only be seen as incidental. But they still have to be dealt with.<<
No with each week I feel that I am where I belong no matter what. So I will plug on- I am pretty tenacious..
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3John4
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| Joined: | Tue Feb 13th, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 102 |
| First Name: | Dede | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic, Protestant, Catholic |
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Posted: Sun May 13th, 2007 09:10 pm |
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Kim,
Not that it probably is much comfort, but while you are sitting alone in your pew in Arizona, I am sitting alone too here in Illinois. The only difference is my husband is committed to Protestantism. My teens 16 and 18, and my younger ones 8 and 9 are happy where they are, and have no desire to make a change. As is common among teens, mine would resent being told which church they must go to.
I pray every day that the Lord would call each of us in my family to the fullest and closest possible relationship with Him that we can have on this earth, that we would each come to understand the Eucharist as He intended it to be, and that, if it be His will, He would unite us in worship again within His Chosen Church. Beyond this, I don't know what you or I can do but trust, and reflect the joy we have found in the Church through our daily lives. Meanwhile, hopefully we suffer quietly, in a way that honors our Lord.
Praying for you,
Dede
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Carolyn
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| Joined: | Mon Apr 30th, 2007 |
| Location: | Torrington, Connecticut USA |
| Posts: | 117 |
| First Name: | Carolyn | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Im a married catholic, with four children Devoted to Mary ... |
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Posted: Sun May 13th, 2007 09:52 pm |
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Kimdyuma,Im a Mom too ive been through the teenage years with my son who is twenty now Ihave always been catholic , but its the same in that, we can listen to our children and how they feel and then tell them honestly how we feel from our heart about our faith, i would say thatI need you to come to church with me,I know its hard for you, but God gave me to you as your Mom you have to follow me and listen to me about this , like it was said here ,they are not old enough to make their own decisions yet,
This Ive learned from my catholic director , we as mothers have to protect our children with our lives, discipline is love,we dont have to be our childrens friends we have to step back and see whats best for them , this is a dark world we live in,our children will get tangled up in n that darkness if we are not honest with them on how important their faith is, and in your case you are Catholic now i would ask them to give me some time on Sundays , come to Church with me, thats all I ask and to listen to me and what i have found, Im sure you as a mom drive your children everywhere , Buy them what they need, in other words you are always there for them and do so much for them ,they owe you this time on sunday , it cant always be about what they want, they have to learn to listen to others too,
My one job on earth that is so important is being a Mom and to teach and lead my children, Pray for your husband , Im glad you are here, have courage,and keep us posted to how you are doing, God BlessI
Last edited on Sun May 13th, 2007 09:57 pm by Carolyn
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sewnsew
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Arizona USA |
| Posts: | 913 |
| First Name: | Kim | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | cradle Anglican, Episcopal /Catholic-04/07/07 |
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Posted: Sun May 13th, 2007 11:55 pm |
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| Carolyn I think that it would be easier to insist on them coming to church with me if we had not been a church going family before I joined the catholic church- however in our case the kids have attended my old church since they were born ( even before if you want to get technical) so they have deep roots there- it is me that has changed and me that left the old church behind. if it was a case of them being in an unwholesome situation with drugs, gangs or some such it would be again more clear cut but lets face it- while I may have come to believe that the protestants are misguided they are not a cult. So I guess in our case I will have to keep praying hard for my family to follow me. Dede we do have a similar problem indeed..
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Carolyn
Member
| Joined: | Mon Apr 30th, 2007 |
| Location: | Torrington, Connecticut USA |
| Posts: | 117 |
| First Name: | Carolyn | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Im a married catholic, with four children Devoted to Mary ... |
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Posted: Mon May 14th, 2007 11:02 am |
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| I see,I dont think insisting is a good idea either especially that they have roots in your previous church, Im simply saying that maybe there can be a thoughtful compromise,being that you found something in your new found Catholic faith,your family should be open to listening to you, and be interested in why you came to the Catholic faith,Maybe you could look into the Youth group, if there is one at your new church, speak to the person in charge and see wether your children could go on one of the outings with the group , sometimes they get together to go to the movies and such,If they dont like the new kids Fine, but it dosent hurt to go and see, they might just feel they fit in,Just some suggestions,Sorry if i sound like a Know it all , i dont know it all, having went through the teen years with my son, I have made it a point to meet and get to know the moms of each friend my son made, so this way we could stick together and help eachother with our teens behind the scenes,some of us moms have had some rough times with our teens, we have all tried to help eachother find the answers to the problems we face with our children, good luck, i will pray the rosary for you and your family, God Bless you
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sewnsew
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Arizona USA |
| Posts: | 913 |
| First Name: | Kim | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | cradle Anglican, Episcopal /Catholic-04/07/07 |
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Posted: Mon May 14th, 2007 12:48 pm |
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I welcome any rosarys said on behalf of my family. One of my non Church going family members said "well it is your own fault if they don;t want to become Catholic with you- you're the one that made such good Anglicans of them- always going to church" Sheesh
On another topic I am finding that the ripples are spreading to those more casual friends- they really don;t want an involved answer since their questions are less deep more curiosity really . so I need to get a pat answer as why I joined with having to go into long explanations of theology which leaves them in the dust any how!
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CajunRick
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Posted: Mon May 14th, 2007 12:58 pm |
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kimdyuma wrote: On another topic I am finding that the ripples are spreading to those more casual friends- they really don;t want an involved answer since their questions are less deep more curiosity really . so I need to get a pat answer as why I joined with having to go into long explanations of theology which leaves them in the dust any how!
There are so many answers you could give. The Vicar of Christ is a better authority than the Queen of England; you fell in love with the Eucharist; you couldn't take openly gay bishops and women priests; you got tired of the turmoil; you decided that when Jesus said he wanted us to be one, he meant one church; you like the Catechism and knowing what the Church teaches; the mass is the same everywhere; Truth doesn't change by popular vote; and you can go on from there.
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Darlene
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Pocono Mountains, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 868 |
| First Name: | Darlene | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Christian, trusting His love and forgiveness |
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Posted: Mon May 14th, 2007 01:20 pm |
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Kim,
This is where that handy expression attributed to St. Francis and so often quoted would be applicable. "Preach the gospel always, and if necessary, use words."  Who is noticing your behavior more than your children and husband whom you live with?
I agree that forcing your children to come to the Catholic Church with you is not the answer. They would only see you as a ogress. Let it be and quietly, faithfully walk the path God has shown you to traverse.
Just my two cents.
Darlene
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The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. II Corinthians 13:14
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CajunRick
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Posted: Mon May 14th, 2007 05:25 pm |
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Darlene wrote: I agree that forcing your children to come to the Catholic Church with you is not the answer.
Force, no. Invite and encourage, yes, and constantly. Invite them each and every week. One time they just might say yes.
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sewnsew
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Arizona USA |
| Posts: | 913 |
| First Name: | Kim | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | cradle Anglican, Episcopal /Catholic-04/07/07 |
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Posted: Tue May 22nd, 2007 01:05 pm |
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| Updates- My daughter will be coming to church with me and my son ( who has been passionately defending my right to become Catholic to all the extended family from the beginning regardless of how he felt about it- hence my mom may not be talking to him anymore ) is now far less defensive about my conversion. Last night at dinner he was talking about how Calvin's predestination theory was wrong. He was also open to listening about how Luther might not have intended for the church to split as it has. We talked about how the council of Trent did correct wrongs in the church practice at large. He liked the feel of my rosary beads- his autism causes sensory defensiveness- one set of beds he can't stand the feel of but the other set intrigues him. So there is a glimmer of hope.
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3John4
Member
| Joined: | Tue Feb 13th, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 102 |
| First Name: | Dede | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic, Protestant, Catholic |
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Posted: Tue May 22nd, 2007 01:39 pm |
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Wow, Kim, that is SO great!!!
Would you be willing to rent me your kids for the summer so they could talk to MY kids? Mine are just a little older than yours (but maybe not as wise!) Has your son been reading about the Reformation? Neither of my teens are interested in reading anything relating to Catholicism. My 16 year old daughter even goes to a baptist church with a friend instead of with us because she says she can't stand liturgy. (What kills me most is that she is a carbon copy of me at her age.) My 18 year old son's theology is much simpler. He concentrates on loving the Lord and his neighbor, and attending worship as a family is important to him. Since Dad is dead set against the Catholic Church, my son is content to worship in a protestant one.
Just when I was beginning to think all teenagers were clinically insane, yours have restored some hope in me!
Blessings,
Dede
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sewnsew
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Arizona USA |
| Posts: | 913 |
| First Name: | Kim | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | cradle Anglican, Episcopal /Catholic-04/07/07 |
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Posted: Tue May 22nd, 2007 01:48 pm |
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| Yeah well they haven't left their Anglicanism behind yet! As they discover that I am not turning into some weird radical Catholic Zealot they are relaxing- I do keep lots of catholic literature around the house- it helps that we always found the "born again" thinking of my in laws a little hard to swallow as far as worship style and lack of reverence. i am leaning patience and realizing that just as it took me until almost 50 to come to my senses it will take them time and maybe I can lead the way to them learning the full truth earlier in life. It helps in a way that my husband walked from the SB church- he is not strongly opposed to the Catholic church as long as the kids decide with out me forcing the issue. Sad to say but the present turmoil in the Anglican world is unsettling them and making them examen the issues I can only hope that it pushes them towards Rome and not away from Christianity.
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