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TotusTuus
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| Joined: | Tue Oct 31st, 2006 |
| Location: | Alabama USA |
| Posts: | 125 |
| First Name: | Mark | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic (thanks Mom and Dad!) |
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Posted: Fri Jun 22nd, 2007 01:24 pm |
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A coworker of mine expresses considerable interest in Catholicism (he is a Baptist) but he says that his wife and kids are strongly opposed. He has to keep his interest quiet.
What is the standard advice to enquirers of this sort? I know he's not the first in this situation.
Thanks in advance for any advice...
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TTM!
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Annie
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| Joined: | Wed Feb 14th, 2007 |
| Location: | Columbus, Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 731 |
| First Name: | Annie | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | nothing, Quaker, Mennonite, Presbyterian, Methodist, Anglican, Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Jun 22nd, 2007 01:56 pm |
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| Most people here have some degree of experience with this. He can read on his own, keeping the books in a special place, he can go to talk to priests on his lunch break maybe, he can log on here and talk to people just like himself!
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Annie
Ora et labora
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sewnsew
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Arizona USA |
| Posts: | 842 |
| First Name: | Kim | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | cradle Anglican, Episcopal /Catholic-04/07/07 |
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Posted: Fri Jun 22nd, 2007 02:29 pm |
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| He can also trty to attend Mass quietly on Saturdays or week days. Before he gets into any great discussions he needs to read the apologetics so that he can begin to understand the issues.
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Darlene
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Pocono Mountains, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 868 |
| First Name: | Darlene | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Christian, trusting His love and forgiveness |
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Posted: Fri Jun 22nd, 2007 02:58 pm |
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Dear Mark,
This has been my situation for almost a year now. At first, I started seeking the Catholic faith privately. One of the reasons was that my initial seeking was more out of curiosity than any conviction that the Catholic faith was right. However, even almost 10 years ago, when I had spirts of interest in Catholicism, I suspected that I would get resistance from my husband. So I didn't pursue it for quite some time.
One of the first experiences that I had in which I now believe the Holy Spirit was drawing me to the Catholic Church was very, how shall I say, supernatural. One Sunday morning our congregation was singing "Onward Christian Soldiers" and as we came to the part that says "one in faith and doctrine, one in charity" I heard this voice well up inside of me, almost as if it wasn't me. It seemed to be shouting within me, saying "WE AREN'T ONE IN FAITH AND DOCTRINE - WE ALL BELIEVE DIFFERENT THINGS." During almost every Sunday school lesson, debates would ensue and various people would disagree with each other. Now that I'm sure can happen with Catholics from time to time, but it is a COMMON occurance among Protestants due to Sola Scriptura, and Luther's belief that the scriptures can be plainly understood for any Christian who reads them. (that is, they are self-evident in their meaning)
So I wrote to The Journey Home and expressed my interest in the Catholic faith. One morning, a large package arrived with several books about the Catholic faith, one of them on the Eucharist, "The Hidden Manna." I showed them to my husband and he showed a willingness to talk about Catholic's view of Communion, albeit in a guarded and reluctant manner.
Since that time, my interest in the Catholic faith has grown substantially. Initially, when my husband began to see that my interest was more than curiosity, he issued some "warnings" to me. Sometimes I am able to be more open about the Catholic faith than other times. It really has become a daily process of discernment. He allows me to read books on Catholicism, and even allows them in open view of anyone who might be visiting us. However, he doesn't like the idea of me making it a habit to go to Mass. Last week, he suspected I went and asked me about it when I came home. I lied and told him I had gone shopping. Which was only a partial truth, because I had after I went to Mass. My conscience bothered me so much that I told him the truth later on that evening. He was very cordial to me and said I have no reason to lie. The truth is though, if I told him ahead of time that I was going to Mass, he would not react to it very well.
Standard advice would be (IMO) for your friend to take it slowly. And also, to avoid debates and allow his manner of living to speak to his wife and children. Specifics on how he should act would vary on the dynamics that already exist within their marriage. For example, my husband is anything but a wimp. He takes his role as head of the household very seriously. However, he is not overbearing or demanding. So I need to respect his authority while still asserting my desire to inquire into the Catholic faith. It has become a very fine line for me to walk, not unlike a balancing act on the high wire.
Probably if I were not married to such a staunch Evangelical/Fundamentalist, I would be much further along on my journey, and much closer to becoming a Catholic. But this is the nature of marriage. One must take the other's needs into account and be respectful of their emotions and opinions. It is right for the spouse who is being drawn to the Catholic faith to still show respect, love and honor toward the other spouse. The last thing to do is polarize the situation, which results in each spouse being standoffish and distant, comparable to an us v. them or me v.s. you stance.
Two books that have helped me immensely in this journey of faith have been "Journeys Home" by Marcus Grodi and "When Only One Converts" by Lynn Nordhagen. Both of these books are excellent in depicting the various experiences of those journeying to the Catholic Church. I'm sure your friend will be able to relate to some of these testimonies.
Hope I have been of some help. And of course, tell your friend to PRAY, PRAY and PRAY. I have found that when I drift from prayer and make my journey a mental and intellectual battle, I become very troubled and weakened in my faith. Prayer helps me to have an all encompassing peace while on this difficult journey.
Darlene
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The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. II Corinthians 13:14
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TotusTuus
Member
| Joined: | Tue Oct 31st, 2006 |
| Location: | Alabama USA |
| Posts: | 125 |
| First Name: | Mark | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic (thanks Mom and Dad!) |
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Posted: Fri Jun 22nd, 2007 03:10 pm |
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Darlene,
That is exactly the kind of feedback I was seeking. Thanks for sharing your experiences and the book references. My friend is actually well versed on the apologetical issues and is advanced in his grasp of Catholicism (he has a particular interest in the Church's deep tradition of spiritual theology). He says that if it were up to him he would much further along towards converting to Catholicism. Right now however, he can rejoice in the strength of his own tradition while continuing to investigate "Catholic" spirituality and theology. What he cannot do, however, is present it to his family as Catholic per se. They react negatively to the Catholic "wrapper" or brand name...
Thanks,
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TTM!
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Darlene
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Pocono Mountains, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 868 |
| First Name: | Darlene | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Christian, trusting His love and forgiveness |
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Posted: Fri Jun 22nd, 2007 03:30 pm |
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TotusTuus wrote: Darlene,
That is exactly the kind of feedback I was seeking. Thanks for sharing your experiences and the book references. My friend is actually well versed on the apologetical issues and is advanced in his grasp of Catholicism (he has a particular interest in the Church's deep tradition of spiritual theology). He says that if it were up to him he would much further along towards converting to Catholicism. Right now however, he can rejoice in the strength of his own tradition while continuing to investigate "Catholic" spirituality and theology. What he cannot do, however, is present it to his family as Catholic per se. They react negatively to the Catholic "wrapper" or brand name...
Thanks,
Mark, Another thing to consider is that more than likely, his family would consider him to be a traitor is he chooses to (as they would view it) defect to the other side. I, too, have presented Catholic ideas while in Sunday school and while at the Ladies Bible study. Sometimes they were receptive and other times not. This may indeed, be a long journey for your friend, in which he must temper his interest in the Catholic faith while still loving and being supportive of his wife. My husband and I are able to agree on many aspects of our Christian faith. I recognize how much he loves Jesus Christ, this for me, cannot be denied. So, I choose to unite with him in those thing upon which we can agree. And we are still able to pray with and for each other. If there is any other way I can be of help, please let me know. Darlene
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The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. II Corinthians 13:14
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CajunRick
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 5347 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Fri Jun 22nd, 2007 08:59 pm |
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TotusTuus wrote: What is the standard advice to enquirers of this sort?
I've never been in that situation so I can't offer personal experience (like Darlene) but I can make two general recommendations.
First, get him a good, general book on the Catholic faith. Depending on how he wishees to approach the subject, I might suggest:- The Catechism of the Catholic Church which provides a comprehensive compilation of Church teaching, but does not answer questions that Protestants often ask except indirectly. For example, you can't look up "Sola Scriptura" and find the Catholic response, although the Church teaching opposing it is in there. Also, there is no distinction made between dogma and doctrine (which are unchangable and we are bound to believe) and teaching (which can change).
- The United States Catholic Catechism for Adults takes the information from the Catechism and presents it to an American audience in a friendlier, more instructional format. It includes specific answers to questions Protestants might ask, and also presents Catholic doctrine in unambiguous terms.
- Compendium of the Cathechism of the Catholic Church, a shorter, Q&A version of the Catechism, answers questions about what Catholics believe in a well-written, easy to understand format (cross-referenced to the Catechism) but like the main Catechism, it doesn't directly address Protestant questions and objections.
- Unabridged Christianity: Biblical Answers to Common Questions About the Roman Catholic Faith by Fr. Mario Romero: I really like this book. He takes on the most common Protestant questions head-on and does it in a format that is extremely easy to understand and yet very complete, with references to scripture, the Fathers, and the Catechism. He's a Cajun from Louisiana, too, so the style is very conversational.
- Catholicism for Dummies: I've never actually read this book, but I've heard great things about it. It has an imprimatur and nihil obstat from the Church, so it's certified as being without error, and it's written by priests from EWTN. Lots of others on this forum have recommended it.
- Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic by David Currie, does an extremely good job of refuting Fundamentalist objections to the Catholic faith.
- Journeys Home by Marcus Grodi, the stories of Protestant clergy who have come to the Catholic Faith through the Coming Home Network. I haven't read this one yet, but if Marcus wrote it, it's got to be good. Marcus is the host of The Journey Home on EWTN, and the director of the Coming Home Network International which sponsors this forum.
- A Biblical Defense of Catholicism by Dave Armstrong, defends the Catholic faith using scripture.
- By What Authority: An Evangelical Discovers Catholic Tradition by Mark Shea. The title says it all.
- Catholicism and Fundamentalism: The Attack on "Romanism" by "Bible Christians" by Karl Keating, founder of Catholic Answers.
- Crossing the Tiber by Steve Ray tells how he discovered the Catholic faith in the writings of the Early Church Fathers and in scripture.
- Pope Fiction by Patrick Madrid, takes on common Protestant beliefs and misconceptions about the Papacy.
- Rome Sweet Home, the classic conversion story of Dr. Scott Hahn and his wife Kimberly.
- Surprised by Truth, a superb collection of conversion stories edited by Patrick Madrid. Also available are Surprised by Truth 2 and Surprised by Truth 3. All three are excellent.
- The Mass of the Early Christians by Mike Aquilina, explains how Catholic liturgy was practiced in the early Church through writings from scripture, the Early Church Fathers, and secular historians.
- Upon This Rock by Steve Ray, a defense of the Authority of the Church and the Pope.
- What Catholics Really Believe by Karl Keating, answers some of the common incorrect beliefs that Protestants hold about Catholic teaching and faith.
- Where is That in the Bible? by Patrick Madrid, a biblical defense of the Catholic faith.
- Why is That in Tradition? by Patrick Madrid, an explanation of the difference between Tradition and tradition in the Catholic faith.
- Answer Me This! by Patrick Madrid, a collection of answers to common Protestant questions.
These are just a few of the many excellent books that are available. I have recommended these because I've read them (except the ones I noted) ) but there are certainly other good books. One in particular he might be interested in is When Only One Converts by Lynn Nordhagen, which directly addresses the problem of one family member being drawn to the Catholic faith against the wishes of other family members. I haven't read it, but others on this forum have recommended it.
Second, invite him to join us here. He can read all he wants as a guest, but if he wants to ask questions, he'll have to register but that's anonymous, too. All we ask for is a first name, but not everyone gives us that. He will need to provide a valid email address but none of the users can see it. All other personal information is optional, but we appreciate it if users give us at least basic information on their location and a little about their faith history, but it isn't required. He won't be put on the spot and as long as he asks questions sincerely, he'll be treated respectfully with no pressure whatsoever.
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Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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Prayerie Pal
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| Joined: | Sat Mar 24th, 2007 |
| Location: | Omaha, Nebraska USA |
| Posts: | 254 |
| First Name: | susie | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Presbyterian,Methodist, Charismatic Catholic, Pentecostal, Evangelical, and now Truly Catholic |
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Posted: Sat Jun 23rd, 2007 06:40 pm |
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He can also try to attend Mass quietly on Saturdays or week days.
This worked well for Scott Hahn! 
It wasn't too long after going to Mass alone, sitting in the back observing astutely as only Scott could do, that "Love broke through" and he made the jump across the Tiber. Kimberly on the other hand, took another 4 years, and that was difficult for them to say the least, but look at 'em now! God is good!
PAX,
pp
Last edited on Sat Jun 23rd, 2007 06:41 pm by Prayerie Pal
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God gave us memory so we could have roses in winter.
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susiedear
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| Joined: | Thu Oct 12th, 2006 |
| Location: | Twin Cities, Minnesota USA |
| Posts: | 186 |
| First Name: | Elizabeth | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Pentecostal / Evangelical / Catholic! |
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Posted: Sun Jun 24th, 2007 04:18 pm |
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Dear Mark, God bless you for helping your friend discover the rich truths of the Catholic faith, and God bless your friend for sticking his toe in the water. It can be difficult to be in this situation -- hungering for truth but not feeling the freedom to enter in. Your friend will need your support as he continues this journey.
Five years agon I started studying the Catholic faith in earnest. At first I had to hide my reading and the only time I listened to Catholic radio or CDs was when I was alone in the car. Eventually, though, my "covert" activities moved into the daylight and my family knew what I was doing and why. My Mass attendance grew from occasionally to every week, and my husband started to ask more questions about what I was studying and learning. Finally, this past April, I was officially received, a joyous thrill after waiting so long to receive my husband's blessing. It was hard to wait, but worth it, because now I can be an unapologetic, strong Catholic, not cowering in fear that I might offend my husband. Now my husband is so supportive I sometimes forget that he is not Catholic. He has come to agree with many teaching of the Catholic Church, especially the centrality of the Eucharist. I pray that the day will come with he and my children will join me at the Lord's Altar.
Even so, Darlene's response is spot-on. It is hard to live with the tension of being obedient to God's call while living with a family that doesn't always understand. I can vouch for the fact, however, that God gives strength to those who walk in obedience. And I would also tell your friend what I've told myself hundreds of times: To follow hard after Jesus -- to know Him! -- Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity -- is worth everything.
I will pray for you, your friend, and his family.
Elizabeth
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But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the return you get is sanctification and its end, eternal life. St. Augustine
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Kathy Wikman
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| Joined: | Sun Jun 24th, 2007 |
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| First Name: | Kathy | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | agnostic, Presbyterian, Pentecostal, nondenominational Christian |
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Posted: Sun Jun 24th, 2007 10:57 pm |
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Thank you Darlene. Well said. I am in a similiar situation and since I also most recently hearken from an evangelical background, my growing interest in Catholicism is not a subject for conversation with friends either. It's nice to know I'm not alone and I have enjoyed reading all the responses in this thread.
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Preach the gospel everyday; if necessary, use words.
-- Francis of Assisi
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CajunRick
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Posted: Sun Jun 24th, 2007 11:03 pm |
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Kathy Wikman wrote: Thank you Darlene. Well said. I am in a similiar situation and since I also most recently hearken from an evangelical background, my growing interest in Catholicism is not a subject for conversation with friends either. It's nice to know I'm not alone and I have enjoyed reading all the responses in this thread.
Hi, Kathy, welcome to the Coming Home Network. We're happy to have you here with us. Please feel free to jump into any of our discussions and ask any questions. We'll do our best to answer them honestly and truthfully, and we'll be praying for you on your faith journey wherever it might happen to lead.
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Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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Kathy Wikman
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| First Name: | Kathy | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | agnostic, Presbyterian, Pentecostal, nondenominational Christian |
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Posted: Sun Jun 24th, 2007 11:15 pm |
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Thank you for the welcome. I watch EWTN whenever I get the chance and actually my husband does like Fr. Corapi 
I have so many questions, it's pitiful. I start a new job tomorrow but hope to start reading in this forum each evening. So with time, you'll be hearing from me, I'm sure!
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Preach the gospel everyday; if necessary, use words.
-- Francis of Assisi
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Credo Catholic
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| First Name: | Marsha | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Sun Jun 24th, 2007 11:45 pm |
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| Hi Kathy! Welcome to the forum. You'll find lots of different stories and situations here that will help you on your journey. God bless
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