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Angie_Rivas1
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| Joined: | Wed Oct 11th, 2006 |
| Location: | Downey, USA |
| Posts: | 110 |
| First Name: | Angie | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic |
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Posted: Mon Nov 12th, 2007 05:34 am |
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I think I need some counsel from you guys right now. One of my friends from church who has a very beautiful marriage asked me if it was okay to introduce me to her brother. She said that he is looking for a godly woman to marry and she thinks I am a nice woman. We had an event at church and he came along. He seems like a good man, but...this is the part where I feel bad about myself for saying.. he is overweight! I do not want you to misunderstand me and to think I am all about looks because I am not. It is just that I do not see myself with someone who weights about 200 pounds and is of average height. I could really tell that the brother was interested and he asked me if it was possible to attend mass together in the city where he lives. Now, I am all about meeting people and establishing healthy relationships, however I know that sometimes people have different expectations and I may be anticipating things but I would not like to be rude or unchristian and say something that might hurt other people's feelings. I know this has nothing to do with being shallow... how do you deal with something like this in an honest, kindly way?
Angie
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"Be not afraid" JPII
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Intercessor
Member
| Joined: | Tue Sep 25th, 2007 |
| Location: | Southcentral, Kentucky USA |
| Posts: | 1446 |
| First Name: | Becky | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Southern Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Mon Nov 12th, 2007 06:07 am |
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Angie, please do not see him again. The sooner he knows you are not interested, the less likely he is to be hurt.
Let this young man move on to find a woman who has different criteria in mind. It would not be fair to pretend he is a "possibility" for you when he is not.Last edited on Mon Nov 12th, 2007 06:34 am by Intercessor
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Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials. . .the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Blessed is the man who perseveres in temptation, for when he has been proved he will receive the crown of life. . . NAB James 1:2-4,12
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Dave Armstrong
Network Apologist
| Joined: | Fri Nov 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | Melvindale, Michigan USA |
| Posts: | 2227 |
| First Name: | Dave | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Evangelical (1977): Diverse Protestant Influences / Catholic in 1990 |
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Posted: Mon Nov 12th, 2007 01:50 pm |
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Good question! I'd like to see myself how thoughtful single Catholic women deal with situations of not being attracted to someone, and not wishing to hurt them. I think a lot of men (myself included) have been treated in less-than-stellar fashion when a woman "rejects" us. There has to be a better way than the game-playing and callousness that so often occurs from both men and women.
I'm freed from all that now (happily married for 23 years), but I well remember what it used to be like in the dating scene, and how distressing it could often be. I think this is something where we can try to teach our children to do a better job and to be more caring towards those of the opposite sex in these matters (perhaps they can start learning with their opposite-sex siblings, how to treat and better understand those of the other gender).
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I'm happy to offer whatever theological & personal assistance I can. My blog, Biblical Evidence for Catholicism, contains 2100+ papers & web pages (free) & 17 apologetic books (4 sale: 15 E-Books: $25)
http://www.biblicalcatholic.com/
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lia
Member
| Joined: | Mon Dec 11th, 2006 |
| Location: | Quezon City, Philippines |
| Posts: | 98 |
| First Name: | lia | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Nov 20th, 2007 03:08 am |
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Angie_Rivas1 wrote: I think I need some counsel from you guys right now. One of my friends from church who has a very beautiful marriage asked me if it was okay to introduce me to her brother. She said that he is looking for a godly woman to marry and she thinks I am a nice woman. We had an event at church and he came along. He seems like a good man, but...this is the part where I feel bad about myself for saying.. he is overweight! I do not want you to misunderstand me and to think I am all about looks because I am not. It is just that I do not see myself with someone who weights about 200 pounds and is of average height. I could really tell that the brother was interested and he asked me if it was possible to attend mass together in the city where he lives. Now, I am all about meeting people and establishing healthy relationships, however I know that sometimes people have different expectations and I may be anticipating things but I would not like to be rude or unchristian and say something that might hurt other people's feelings. I know this has nothing to do with being shallow... how do you deal with something like this in an honest, kindly way?
Angie
Angie,
The ideal guy in my head is someone who is not bald, tall, sort of lanky, not hairy, and I don't like facial hair. But I pray most that I hope he'll be Catholic and God's will for me. I fell in love with a guy who is bald (and I recommended that he completely shave it all off), he has a mustache (but when I said I don't like facial hair, he shaved it off), over 200 pounds (I'm almost 5 feet tall and around 130 pounds), and he is hairy (er...I wouldn't ask him to shave his body  )
I didn't fell in love with his looks but he is a good man and a Catholic.
If you are not yet committed to anybody, give the guy a chance, be friends with him if he is willing to be that only for the meantime without any promises that it might develop to more than friendship. Honesty is always the best policy.
A man once tried to court me and I told him I don't feel any attraction to him, but if he is willing to be friends and wait without guarantee, I can do that. But I also guaranteed that if I change my mind, I wouldn't hesitate to tell him. But in the end he was the one who was not honest and pretended to be my friend, until I fell in love with somebody (not my current one)...and then he got angry. I would have thought a friend would be happy for me coz I'm happy. Coz when I broke up with my former boyfriend, I was happy for him when he was happy with his current. (Am I joking? Nope ) The way I see it, him loving somebody else never severed our friendship and it's better to marry the one who loves you than force the one who don't.
Remember that to love somebody is not based on how queasy your stomach feels, or you can't eat or whatever "classical" symptoms (you should go to the doctor for that ) To love is a CHOICE and a DECISION. Oh, yeah, I also learned that you have to LIKE the one you love.
When you've come to love somebody, his/her looks would not matter and you'd still feel attraction to that person, (even if people would wonder "why"?)
God bless!
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Man can't b forced 2 accept the truth.He can b drawn toward the truth only by his own nature, that is, by his own freedom w/c commits him 2 search sincerely 4 truth & when he finds it, 2 adhere 2 it both in his conviction & his behavior.-- JP2
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Angie_Rivas1
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 11th, 2006 |
| Location: | Downey, USA |
| Posts: | 110 |
| First Name: | Angie | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic |
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Posted: Sat Nov 24th, 2007 04:03 pm |
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Thanks Lia for your wise words. I think in the past I'd have laughed histerically if anybody had told me that love is a decision. Now that I am older and have learned a few things from my mistakes I can honestly say that I agree with you completely. Just like being happy is a choice so is love.
I decided to talk to this man and build some type of friendship. I thought there is a reason why God put people in our paths. Either he needs to learn something or I will learn something from him. He seems to be a decent person however he is not a very strong Catholic. I happen to bump into people with this mentality very often. You know, they tell me things like: "it is not about religion, it's all about having a relationship with God. You can be a buddist, muslim, new age, as long as you do good, you are doing what God sent you here for." After listening to this thinking, I give my opinion and reasoning for being a practicing catholic and to some of them and in this case, this man, I sound defensive and a little bit too extremist. What can I say? I am happy I am learning about my faith and believe in the Holy Eucharist 
Blessings,
Angie
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"Be not afraid" JPII
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lia
Member
| Joined: | Mon Dec 11th, 2006 |
| Location: | Quezon City, Philippines |
| Posts: | 98 |
| First Name: | lia | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic |
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Posted: Thu Dec 6th, 2007 11:46 pm |
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Angie_Rivas1 wrote: After listening to this thinking, I give my opinion and reasoning for being a practicing catholic and to some of them and in this case, this man, I sound defensive and a little bit too extremist. What can I say? I am happy I am learning about my faith and believe in the Holy Eucharist
Blessings,
Angie
Not everybody holds the same view as I do. But I never apologize for what I believe in. It's not being defensive or an extremist. It's stating a fact of who you are. Now that man would know if he gets involved with you he has to get his act together, eh? 
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Man can't b forced 2 accept the truth.He can b drawn toward the truth only by his own nature, that is, by his own freedom w/c commits him 2 search sincerely 4 truth & when he finds it, 2 adhere 2 it both in his conviction & his behavior.-- JP2
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