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Kayla
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| Joined: | Mon Jul 30th, 2007 |
| Location: | Emmitsburg, Maryland USA |
| Posts: | 369 |
| First Name: | Kayla | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Atheist, kind-of Mormon, Catholic |
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Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 02:20 am |
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Gah! -loud scream-
I don't know what to do right now. I feel so completely helpless in this situation and I can't stand it. In the past twenty-four hours, one of my friends (a girl who lives on my hall), has been admitted into psych-ward. We had all noticed that she had been acting extremely strange lately. But, she's usually a little quirky anyways, so we figured it was just the stress of finals and the lack of sleep that was making her so... incoherent. As the week has progressed, however, she became more and more insane. And this afternoon, apparentally she got to the point where she was talking to herself, hallucinating, and a lot of scary things. My friend group was gone at dinner and another group of kids took her to the wellness center on campus, who took her to the hospital, who transferred her to the psych-ward.
Now, we all feel bad here on floor. I mean, there's nothing we really could've done... Sure, maybe we should have said something to someone earlier-- but how could we have known it just wasn't stress from finals, that it was something serious?
But one of my really good friends is very upset about all of this. She thinks it's her fault, that she should've done something earlier... and we've talked to her, but she can't seem to get it out of her head that it's her fault. And I'm so worried about her, because she's dealing with a lot of crap as it is, including an addiction to cutting. She has fresh scars from earlier this week. And there's nothing I can do tonight to stop her from doing what I know she's going to do.
I really don't know what to do anymore. I can't stand seeing my friends hurt like this and not be able to do something about it.
And, of course, all of this is in the middle of finals week. So, here it is, just after midnight, and we all have finals in the morning.
I feel like a mixture of screaming/crying/punching/who knows what else.
____________________
I believe, Lord, help my unbelief.
Jesus, I trust in You!
There's not a lot of job security for us after death. I suppose that's one advantage of being a philosopher. - Peter Kreeft
http://kayla23mount.blogspot.com/
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CajunRick
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Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 02:50 am |
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When all else fails, pray. All of you will be in my prayers tonight.
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BodRod
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 2nd, 2006 |
| Location: | Apple Valley, California USA |
| Posts: | 840 |
| First Name: | Cliff | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Raised an SDA, then Generic Christian, finally at home with ... |
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Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 02:50 am |
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We, our society, have a strange outlook on mental problems. If we break an arm or leg, no big deal. If our vision breaks down and we need glasses, no big deal. If we need false teeth or a toupee, no big deal. However, if we need a little help in the mental department it is a BIG DEAL. My guess is that "it" is not any other student's fault. Our reactions to life's problems are programmed into us at conception and developed by what happens to us as we mature. My continued guessing is that "it" has nothing to do with you friend. She did not start it and she could not have prevented it. We ALL have our problems. It is just the problems of some people are a little more uncomfortable to the rest of us than some of the other problems.
Could you ask a counselor to meet with the students who are uncomfortable with the current situation? Working through this could help them develop a more effective perspective to and approach to life.
Just a thought.
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Gratias agamus Domino Deo nostro.
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JillD
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Visalia, California USA |
| Posts: | 961 |
| First Name: | Jill | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | heathen, EvFree, Messianic, LC-MS, Catholic 2007 |
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Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 03:47 am |
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You've described a situation that struck a chord in our family. Our daughter has struggled with an eating disorder and lost about 15 pounds in the first 8 weeks of school. Even we didn't see it, and none of her friends commented either. She had to come home in the middle of the semester, but seems to be doing OK now.
It's hard to know when to say something and when to keep your mouth shut and let the person figure it out on their own. Usually we only know the right answer after the time to speak has gone past.
I don't have any helpful advice. I just felt a deep connection to the situation you're describing. I do think that someone might need to be notified, though, about your friend who is cutting. She is probably suffering from depression and finds that cutting relieves her pain. It sounds so odd, but we've dealt with that, too...
I've pondered why it seems that so many kids, teenagers, are so empty of hope and depressed and/or cynical and/or nihilistic. It's not just unchurched kids who suffer from this, so I don't think that's it. Perhaps our world is simply too full of 'input,' and people never seem to have time for quiet reflection. Too many things coming into our minds, both invited and uninvited. Now and then we have to drive to LA and just the onslaught of billboard advertising as you travel the freeways is enough to make you insane. Just one example...
I sure there's more to it than I'm describing. I wish I knew what it was...
Jill
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"I praise you, for I am wondrously made. Wonderful are our works! My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret." Ps 139
"Guard me, O Lord, from the hands of the wicked; preserve me from violent men." Ps 140
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Annie
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| Joined: | Wed Feb 14th, 2007 |
| Location: | Columbus, Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 731 |
| First Name: | Annie | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | nothing, Quaker, Mennonite, Presbyterian, Methodist, Anglican, Catholic |
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Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 01:58 pm |
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JillD wrote: Perhaps our world is simply too full of 'input,' and people never seem to have time for quiet reflection. Too many things coming into our minds, both invited and uninvited. Now and then we have to drive to LA and just the onslaught of billboard advertising as you travel the freeways is enough to make you insane. Just one example...
I think you hit the nail on the head. That's why I spend so much time in the woods sitting under a big shagbark hickory.
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Annie
Ora et labora
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Intercessor
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| Joined: | Tue Sep 25th, 2007 |
| Location: | Southcentral, Kentucky USA |
| Posts: | 1446 |
| First Name: | Becky | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Southern Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 07:28 pm |
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Kayla, after we have done all we can reasonably do in such a situation, it is time to place that burden lovingly at the feet of Jesus and leave it there.
I heard someone (probably on EWTN) say that Pope John Paul II would shoulder all the cares of his office until bedtime, then serenely pray,
"Lord, I have done the best that I can with these problems today.
I'm tired and need to rest now; so I give them to You."
In your case, you need to protect your own mental health and you need to handle your own finals.
Good luck on those tests.
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Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials. . .the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Blessed is the man who perseveres in temptation, for when he has been proved he will receive the crown of life. . . NAB James 1:2-4,12
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DrDave
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| Joined: | Mon Nov 6th, 2006 |
| Location: | Mildura, Australia |
| Posts: | 278 |
| First Name: | Dave | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Cradle - Lapsed - Renewed Catholic |
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Posted: Wed Dec 12th, 2007 08:47 pm |
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Kayla wrote: But one of my really good friends is very upset about all of this. She thinks it's her fault, that she should've done something earlier... and we've talked to her, but she can't seem to get it out of her head that it's her fault. And I'm so worried about her, because she's dealing with a lot of crap as it is, including an addiction to cutting. She has fresh scars from earlier this week. And there's nothing I can do tonight to stop her from doing what I know she's going to do.
I really don't know what to do anymore. I can't stand seeing my friends hurt like this and not be able to do something about it.
You have already received good advice on how to deal with yourself, but what to do about your other friend. She feels guilty about what has happened, and she has her own problems.
In my opinion, telling her that "there is nothing you could have done" will achieve little. It may be true, and it may be worth saying, but it will do little to assuage her feelings of guilt. The best way to do something about those feelings, is quite simply to do something.
Point out to her that regardless of whether anything could have been done to prevent this "episode", as of right now, nothing can be done to "prevent it". What can be done however is to "deal" with the reality that now faces you, your friend and the whole "floor". What you all can do is treat her as you would any other sick friend. Visit her in hospital (If her physician is allowing visitors), find out about her illness, and about what each of you can do to aid in her recovery.
As Criff points out, if she'd broken a leg you'd go see her in hospital, sign her cast, and after she's out of hospital you'd occasionally forgo going roller-blading with your other friends to sit with her on the couch that she's confined to, and then after she's out of her cast you'd walk with her so that she's got someone to catch her if she falls, until she regains her strength. Mental illness is not that different (although you can't sign a cast). What is different is your(all of you) lack of knowledge of how to respond.
Now with specific regard to your friend's feelings of guilt the way I would recommend proceeding is by pushing her to be the "ringleader" in this effort. Suggest that she should be the one to talk to the doctor (with you along for moral support) and she should be the one to organize disseminating the information provided to the floor. We humans, when we perceive that we have done wrong feel the need to "make up for it" this is part of the Church's wisdom in assigning penance after confession. Your friend is feeling this need so I suggest that you encourage her to "make up for it" and perhaps in doing so it might take her mind off her other problems.
Regards Dave
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NB: 'DrDave' is a nickname from college not and indication of academic achievement.
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TotusTuus
Member
| Joined: | Tue Oct 31st, 2006 |
| Location: | Alabama USA |
| Posts: | 129 |
| First Name: | Mark | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic (thanks Mom and Dad!) |
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Posted: Thu Dec 13th, 2007 12:22 pm |
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Kayla,
If your friend is open to it, I would recommend you pray with her. As you yourself would turn to pray in a moment of need, the best way to bring Christ to her is to bring her into the presence of God by prayer (a soaking, meditative prayer is best). It would be ideal to use a Sacramental sign, such as the laying on of hands and blessed oil. Even a decade of the Rosary would not only serve to calm your friend down, but introduce Our Lady to the situation and teach her a valuable coping skill.
All the best,
Mark
Last edited on Thu Dec 13th, 2007 12:25 pm by TotusTuus
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TTM!
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EMarshallBuckles
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| Joined: | Mon Nov 19th, 2007 |
| Location: | Rockville (Near Richmond), Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 675 |
| First Name: | Marshall | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Christian Church,Episcopal Church,Baptist denomination,learning about RCC |
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Posted: Thu Dec 13th, 2007 01:03 pm |
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As was suggested above, prayer for healing is very helpful for people having either physical or mental problems. I use the avatar of Blessed Junipero Serra because, like he did, I have a problem, due to bad infections in the past, with lymph edema in my lower left leg (he has been a great inspiration to me). Last summer, around the last of July, I had another infection in that leg. While in St. Mary's Hospital, in Richmond, VA, I made calls requesting prayers from various ministers and offered up my own prayers for healing. Although, of course, the antibiotic IV helped (God uses and works through medical personnel, medicines and equipment often times), the next day my attending physican came in, looked at my leg and was astounded at how improved it was to the extent he sent me home. He said "What has happened with you leg is what I would call miraculous! I would never have expected your leg to get better so quickly!" I tend to doubt that I would have gotten better so quickly without the prayers offered up for me. So, point being, I believe that prayer can and does help and that praying to God for her healing can and will help the young lady.
By the way, I have a brother who is a Roman Catholic (we were raised in a protestant family). He was born with a birth defected right ear and went through many surgeries trying to correct it. I am not sure what happened, but at some point, Martin went into very deep depression, for a long time, and, at times, I despaired for him. However, he became involved with the Roman Catholic Church and they were like a "safety net" for him! They loved him and prayed for him and ministered to him, providing him with a nurturing church home! I have been very grateful to the Roman Catholic Church for what they have done for my brother as well as for many others of whom I have become aware! Anyway, if she is not already so involved, I hope that the young lady will become involved with a church. And, please know that, just as was the case with my brother and me, there is only so much you and your fellow students can do regarding your fellow student who was hospitalized. You can be supportive of the young lady and loving towards her as you so very commendably have been. Even so, there are times when we can finally only turn people over to God praying for His healing and intervention. And I am touched that the young lady has such caring fellow students like you! I pray that God will heal the young lady and that He will richly bless all of you!
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Credo Catholic
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| Joined: | Sat May 5th, 2007 |
| Location: | Greenville, South Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 1548 |
| First Name: | Marsha | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Thu Dec 13th, 2007 05:56 pm |
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| Kayla, I agree with the advice everyone has given you, and I know you will do whatever you can for both these girls to help them. Just to let them know you will be there for them if they need you would be a start. And you could begin a brief prayer group for them or for anyone who needs help. I can't help wondering about the practice of "cutting" oneself out of emotional pain. I never heard of it until about a year ago. Is this something that is becoming widespread among young people?
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JillD
Member
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Visalia, California USA |
| Posts: | 961 |
| First Name: | Jill | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | heathen, EvFree, Messianic, LC-MS, Catholic 2007 |
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Posted: Thu Dec 13th, 2007 10:02 pm |
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Credo Catholic wrote: Kayla, I agree with the advice everyone has given you, and I know you will do whatever you can for both these girls to help them. Just to let them know you will be there for them if they need you would be a start. And you could begin a brief prayer group for them or for anyone who needs help. I can't help wondering about the practice of "cutting" oneself out of emotional pain. I never heard of it until about a year ago. Is this something that is becoming widespread among young people?
It is far more widespread than I would have believed. Apparently, cutting oneself releases endorphins which are pain-killers, for one. It's odd, but must be of some benefit, albeit temporary, to those who cut themselves. I can think of 4 teens just off the top of my head who cut or have cut and it would surprise you to know that about them. They don't seem the type.
If you watch "House," in a recent rerun, he cut himself to relieve the pain of being taken off his Vicodin.
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"I praise you, for I am wondrously made. Wonderful are our works! My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret." Ps 139
"Guard me, O Lord, from the hands of the wicked; preserve me from violent men." Ps 140
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Esther
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Bronx, New York USA |
| Posts: | 157 |
| First Name: | Esther | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Southern Baptist to Roman Catholic 11/26/06 |
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Posted: Sat Dec 15th, 2007 02:40 pm |
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Credo Catholic wrote: I can't help wondering about the practice of "cutting" oneself out of emotional pain. I never heard of it until about a year ago. Is this something that is becoming widespread among young people?
I've seen in a lot with young ladies 12-16. So heart breaking for the girls and the families involved. It also takes other forms. A girl I know of hits herself on the legs until she is black and blue, wised up people were seeing the bruises and started hitting her head. I got called over to her apartment after a bad episode and I looked into her eyes and saw so much pain anguish, and self-loathing. Thankfully I believe she is on the road to recover (with professional help). But the most common seems to be cutting. Please pray for the young women in our society.
Kayla, how are your friends doing?
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Kayla
Member
| Joined: | Mon Jul 30th, 2007 |
| Location: | Emmitsburg, Maryland USA |
| Posts: | 369 |
| First Name: | Kayla | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Atheist, kind-of Mormon, Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Dec 18th, 2007 01:18 am |
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I want to thank everyone for their helpful responses.
The friend who was taken to the hospital was released two days thereafter and we received a phone call letting us know that she was alright. The doctors did a bunch of tests but couldn't find anything 'wrong.' So, she was sent home on medical leave for the rest of the semester. We haven't heard from her since.
I'm still worried about my other friend. This is not the first time that she's been doing the cutting. We've talked before about it... I just really don't know how to help her. She meets with a psychologist, but from what she's told me about their conversation, the psychologist doesn't seem to think it's a big deal. A lot of the problems she has when dealing with the cutting have to do with faith-related things. There's only so much I can say and/or do in this situation-- and frankly, I don't think I'm quite the right person for this.
Right now we're all on Christmas break, so I won't be seeing any of my friends again until mid-January. Still, I am worried about them.
____________________
I believe, Lord, help my unbelief.
Jesus, I trust in You!
There's not a lot of job security for us after death. I suppose that's one advantage of being a philosopher. - Peter Kreeft
http://kayla23mount.blogspot.com/
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