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Marcia
Member
| Joined: | Tue Feb 26th, 2008 |
| Location: | Butler, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 31 |
| First Name: | Marcia | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Presbyterian, Christian Missionary Alliace, Evangelical Free, Roman Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Mar 25th, 2008 11:33 pm |
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In his homily on Sunday, my priest commented how nice it is to be part of a parish family and this got me to thinking. I have been attending the same church for about 2 1/2 years and have made very few new friends. I have tried joining the ladies' guild, choir, Bible studies and other classes but everyone seems to sit with their friends and doesn't talk to the new people. When I went to the Mass for our ladies' guild a few weeks ago, I noticed that there were quite a few women sitting by themselves. The main reason that I joined the guild was to meet new people--A couple of the members told me how friendly everyone is, but all the new members were seated at a separate table at the first meeting of the year and the older members ignored us the entire evening. I am an introvert so it is very hard for me to approach someone that I don't know and introduce myself and start a conversation.
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Marcia
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Intercessor
Member
| Joined: | Tue Sep 25th, 2007 |
| Location: | Southcentral, Kentucky USA |
| Posts: | 1446 |
| First Name: | Becky | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Southern Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Wed Mar 26th, 2008 01:23 am |
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Marcia wrote:
In his homily on Sunday, my priest commented how nice it is to be part of a parish family and this got me to thinking. I have been attending the same church for about 2 1/2 years and have made very few new friends. I have tried joining the ladies' guild, choir, Bible studies and other classes but everyone seems to sit with their friends and doesn't talk to the new people. When I went to the Mass for our ladies' guild a few weeks ago, I noticed that there were quite a few women sitting by themselves. The main reason that I joined the guild was to meet new people--A couple of the members told me how friendly everyone is, but all the new members were seated at a separate table at the first meeting of the year and the older members ignored us the entire evening. I am an introvert so it is very hard for me to approach someone that I don't know and introduce myself and start a conversation.
Marcia, you have my sympathy.
However, you are probably never going to have what you want from that group of folks until you begin and continue to make it happen. (Even then, if most of those people are close relatives, your job will be tough.)
You must do the approaching.
You must begin the conversations and keep them going.
You must plan activities and do the inviting.
You must volunteer to drive.
You must open your home and invite people. Start with a small supper or brunch for the other new members who were at that table with you.
Be methodical about scheduling lunch with any woman who is willing to join you. When you've run through all available lunch partners, start on round two and hit everyone for a second lunch together. Then the third round.
If you are an introvert, I know you hate what I wrote, but I don't think there's any other way unless you can marry into one of the larger extended families. 
Good luck!Last edited on Wed Mar 26th, 2008 03:36 am by Intercessor
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Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials. . .the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Blessed is the man who perseveres in temptation, for when he has been proved he will receive the crown of life. . . NAB James 1:2-4,12
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David W. Emery
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Brownsville, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 2427 |
| First Name: | David | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Wed Mar 26th, 2008 01:57 am |
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I’m a shy introvert, too. But I can tell you from experience that all it takes is being married to an effervescent extrovert and you will be literally sucked into the lives of many others wherever you go together.
Now if your spouse is not that kind of person, or if you are the lone Catholic in your family, I guess you’re out of luck and will have to make do with the techniques outlined by Becky, which I also know from experience will work. You can believe me when I say that the only reason I am able to function on this forum is because it is all written down, not live face to face. I never know how to approach people or what to say. Yet I’ve found that if I make the first move, no matter how poorly I do it, at least it breaks the ice. Things usually get a lot easier after that.
David
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sewnsew
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Arizona USA |
| Posts: | 913 |
| First Name: | Kim | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | cradle Anglican, Episcopal /Catholic-04/07/07 |
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Posted: Wed Mar 26th, 2008 02:22 am |
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I know how you feel- I am shy too. I have the dubious honour of never having volunteered one word except for "ici" which means here in French from 1st grade through high school. ( no kindergaten when I was a kid) I take my hand sewing with me and work on it before meetings ( and during once people are comfortable that I listen best with my hands busy) It is almost always an icebreaker. My son and I are introverts but my daughter and husband are the opposite- when my daughter was 3 years old we were in a long post office line and by the time we made it to the front she had found out that the women in line behind us had 6 grandkids, so many were girls etc etc her pets, her favorite food etc and that the women was a winter visitor- all that and I had barely made eye contact! 
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tedjenczewski
Member
| Joined: | Thu May 10th, 2007 |
| Location: | Richmond, Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 359 |
| First Name: | Ted | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic, Presbyterian, revert Catholic |
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Posted: Wed Mar 26th, 2008 02:32 am |
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| It has been my personal experience that Christian "fellowship" is much more well developed in protestant churches than in Catholic churches in general. However, I am not sure there is an awful lot more beneath the surface of the friendly smiles and handshakes when we enter the door. I find the best way to develop friendships is to do exactly what you are doing, i.e. participate in the service ministries of the church, and then try occasionally to execute one of Becky's suggestions. This is difficult, especially for introverts like us. But in the end both we and the parish family are blessed.
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"...the church of the living God, the pillar and bulwark of the truth." 1Tim 3, 15
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Marcia
Member
| Joined: | Tue Feb 26th, 2008 |
| Location: | Butler, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 31 |
| First Name: | Marcia | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Presbyterian, Christian Missionary Alliace, Evangelical Free, Roman Catholic |
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Posted: Wed Mar 26th, 2008 10:07 pm |
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tedjenczewski wrote: It has been my personal experience that Christian "fellowship" is much more well developed in protestant churches than in Catholic churches in general. However, I am not sure there is an awful lot more beneath the surface of the friendly smiles and handshakes when we enter the door. I find the best way to develop friendships is to do exactly what you are doing, i.e. participate in the service ministries of the church, and then try occasionally to execute one of Becky's suggestions. This is difficult, especially for introverts like us. But in the end both we and the parish family are blessed.
A year and a half ago I attended a Lutheran church for about 3 months and found that the people there were extremely friendly and I consider some of them my friends to this day. They are the ones that I call when I have a prayer need, not the prayer chain at my parish.
I am like David in that I have no problem in chat rooms. However, I have an extremely hard time making conversation with people I don't know, unless they are extroverts and can carry the conversation. I even have trouble talking to my priests and I think the world of them.
One of the priests at my parish talks quites a bit about showing the love of Christ to others and I just sit there thinking that I'm still waiting to see with new people in the parish. Maybe the difference between the Protestant and Catholic parishes is that a lot of Protestants don't stay in the same parish all their lives, so there isn't a strong family bond there. Now that I think of it, the people that I am friends with in the Lutheran church did not grow up in that parish. They all joined it as adults.
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Marcia
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rbo4u2
Member
| Joined: | Tue Jan 16th, 2007 |
| Location: | Sunnyvale, California USA |
| Posts: | 518 |
| First Name: | Rich | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Formerly Christian & Missionary Alliance then became Presbyterian |
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Posted: Wed Mar 26th, 2008 10:23 pm |
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Hi Marsha. Many years ago I belonged to an international sales organization. I did lousy because I was introverted and a terrible salesman. But one thing they taught me helped me a great deal in meeting new people. I used it many times later when I was President of a national non-profit business organization. It's called F.O.R.M.
It stands for
F. Family
O. Occupation
R. Recreation
M. Message
After I'd introduce myself to someone, that's the preliminary step, I try to ask something about their family. Where they are from, where they live, any children, etc. Most people love to talk about their family. That may take a few minutes or it may take days.
The next step is asking, What do you do? What is your occupation? Vocation? What does your company do? Do you like your job. It just shows you are interested and most importantly, it gets that person to talk to you. Part of being a good conversationalist is getting the other person to talk to you rather you talking all the time to them.
Thirdly, find out what they like to do in their spare time. What is their favorite recreation. Try to learn something about their recreational interests.
Finally, the last part is mostly attributed to business, but can be adapted to personal information. Message could simply by sharing your life, your faith, responding to their questions. By the time you get to this point you often will have established a basis for ongoing friendship and communication.
Try it and see if it works. It helped me a lot.
Rich
P.S.  Coffee and pie help too.
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Marcia
Member
| Joined: | Tue Feb 26th, 2008 |
| Location: | Butler, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 31 |
| First Name: | Marcia | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Presbyterian, Christian Missionary Alliace, Evangelical Free, Roman Catholic |
| Status: |
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Posted: Thu Mar 27th, 2008 09:38 pm |
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rbo4u2 wrote: Hi Marsha. Many years ago I belonged to an international sales organization. I did lousy because I was introverted and a terrible salesman. But one thing they taught me helped me a great deal in meeting new people. I used it many times later when I was President of a national non-profit business organization. It's called F.O.R.M.
It stands for
F. Family
O. Occupation
R. Recreation
M. Message
After I'd introduce myself to someone, that's the preliminary step, I try to ask something about their family. Where they are from, where they live, any children, etc. Most people love to talk about their family. That may take a few minutes or it may take days.
The next step is asking, What do you do? What is your occupation? Vocation? What does your company do? Do you like your job. It just shows you are interested and most importantly, it gets that person to talk to you. Part of being a good conversationalist is getting the other person to talk to you rather you talking all the time to them.
Thirdly, find out what they like to do in their spare time. What is their favorite recreation. Try to learn something about their recreational interests.
Finally, the last part is mostly attributed to business, but can be adapted to personal information. Message could simply by sharing your life, your faith, responding to their questions. By the time you get to this point you often will have established a basis for ongoing friendship and communication.
Try it and see if it works. It helped me a lot.
Rich
P.S. Coffee and pie help too.
Hi Rich, Thanks so much for sharing this "formula." I have made friends with a handful of people in my parish and I join them for breakfast occasionally. I wish that it could be more often, but they're all retired and I still work during the week. I don't have any trouble talking with them and we can spend hours in a restaurant, just talking. I bet the management loves that!  But as soon as someone that I don't know joins us, I usually hardly say anything. But, I met these people because another member introduced me to them. Unfortunately that only happened once. I know what you mean about the coffee and pie. Food always helps.
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Marcia
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