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How did you tell your former church you were becoming Catholic?

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JillD
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Posted: Wed Dec 20th, 2006 06:56 pm

(I hope I'm not turning this site into an advice column...)

My family has been attending a very, very small LCMS Lutheran church for about 3 years. I mean, like 20 people small. I'm at the point where I don't feel right taking Communion at this church, though I'm not able yet to take Communion as a Catholic. (It's worth the wait, though.) So, when I go to church with my husband (which he would like me to do and so I am) and when it's a Communion Sunday, I stay in my seat. Very noticeable in a "crowd" that size.

I've told the pastor what I'm doing, but he is keeping it under his hat for now. I'm sure the others are mumbling about why I might not be taking Communion. I figure I have a few options:

1 Do nothing and let the rumors fly.

2 Tell the president of the council and let him get the story out.

3 Email the group with a testimony of what's going on in my life.

4 Make an announcement at a meeting or Bible study.

5 Any other ideas?

What would you do??

Thanks for your advice.

Jill

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AggieCatholic
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Posted: Wed Dec 20th, 2006 07:19 pm

I didn't tell anybody at my old church. People are leaving in droves so they really wouldn't have noticed. But, I can relate to your position. Perhaps a personal letter to your pastor or congregational president stating your intention to leave that congregation. It would prevent you from having to sit through the inevitable persuasive argument against your intended course of action, as any good pastor would do to maintain his/her congregation. Also, I think it would in some small way be appreciated, if nothing else than for accurate role count of that church. I'm still technically a member of the UMC simply because I haven't officially resigned.

If I had one bit of advice to give would be to keep your explanation short and simple so as to be the least divisive. Some from your church may take your departure personally if you go into a long explanation. I would also advise you not to disclose your decision to a large group as some sort of personal announcement. Again, this might be considered offensive to members of that congregation. If individuals ask you privately why you left, then you can be open and provide an honest explanation.

Leaving a congregation is HARD, we all know this. But, you don't have to make it any harder than it has to be. Good luck. You'll be in my prayers.

Last edited on Wed Dec 20th, 2006 07:25 pm by AggieCatholic

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David W. Emery
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Posted: Wed Dec 20th, 2006 10:16 pm

Jill, everyone’s circumstance is different. Like AggieCatholic, I was raised Methodist. Like so many Methodist congregations, the one I attended was dwindling fast. (It was, after all, mid-20th century. Some years after I left, the congregation was dissolved. The building now belongs to a one-congregation Pentecostal group.) I was a teenager when called to the Catholic Church. There really wasn’t any reason to notify anyone, so far as I could see. I had already withdrawn from the teen crowd there after the day they invited a speaker from Planned Parenthood. Eventually they heard by the grapevine that I was attending Mass. Even then nothing was said; no one contacted me. I was as good as dead.

Your case is entirely different. If I were doing it (and I’m glad I’m not, because as AggieCatholic says, no departure is easy), I would ask the pastor, who you say is already privy to your secret, to make a brief announcement some Sunday, with the assurance that you will continue to accompany your husband so long as he believes it is needed. I have no idea how those in the congregation will react. You have no obligation to answer questions at that time. If someone wants to talk it over with you privately, I’m sure you can handle the one-on-one.

David

thiscatholicjourney
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Posted: Wed Dec 20th, 2006 11:08 pm

I didn't tell my church either... I figured since my mom would still be there, I'd let her tell people if she wanted to. I'm fairly certain there are a large number of people praying for me!

I think, if people want to speculate and ask questions, it will give you the opportunity to share... In the meantime, spend some time just focusing on your faith and growing in knowledge and understanding so when they do ask, you'll be able to give a good defense.

God Bless!

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Ruthie
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Posted: Thu Dec 21st, 2006 12:27 am

Wow, Jill. I was just thinking the same thing. The congregation you describe is quite small. Is there some hierarchy of churches? Are there records kept somewhere about members of the congregation? Would you advise someone in the Lutheran Church at a higher level than just the pastor?

I was considering writing an official letter to the Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese in which the Episcopal Church that I attended is located. The church has my records concerning my baptism, my confirmation (EC), the blessing of my marriage, etc. I figure they should know that there is one more unhappy Episcopalian who is leaving the church. I protest the direction they have gone and I feel they should know that. But that isn't completely honest because I would have become Catholic again anyway, even if they had stayed a more conservatice course.

I intend also to write my pastor an official letter. The pastor is a "she" in this case. (A lady priest in the Episcopal Church. Can't call her Father. It feels like "nails on a chalkboard" to me - a lady priest. She's a super lady though.) She should know too that a member of the congregatoin is leaving and why, I feel.

As others have said, the rest you can tell individually if you want to and as the opportunity arises.

I go to a quilt group at the Episcopal Church, and I think I might still do that. I like those ladies. Telling them will inform the whole church anyway. LOL. But I think I will no longer go to the Bible study or the healing service. If my husband wants to continue there on Sundays, I will join him (as well as going to Mass), but I will not go up for communion anymore either. And it will be very obvious in my case too. I feel no shame or embarrassment. Esp. if they all know that I've become Catholic, they will understand. I suppose there will be those who will criticize. So be it. It will make my husband sad though.

I had been going to daily Mass at my local parish. When I get back home, I intend to get involved with whatever is going on at the parish.

Anyway, I hope you figure out what you're going to do. I pray the Lord will show you clearly what to do.

Ruthie

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David W. Emery
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Posted: Thu Dec 21st, 2006 12:36 am

Ah, Ruthie! Here’s a question I’ve had mouldering for some time:

A lady priest in the Episcopal Church. Can't call her Father.
Obviously. So how should one address a lady priest?

David

nonsumdignus
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Posted: Thu Dec 21st, 2006 01:03 am

My advice (which is worth every penny you pay for it

) is do nothing until you are asked why you are not receiving Communion. Then say you are looking into the Catholic religion and until the question is resolved, you don't feel comfortable receiving. Then let the person you told tell others. An announcement seems so formal. After all, you haven't left yet. But -- do what you feel is best, Jay

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Ruthie
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Posted: Thu Dec 21st, 2006 01:05 am

David,

She is new to St. Andrew's EC in Houston. She became the rector (lady rector? how strange!) in September last year. We discussed what we should call her. She wrote a long article in the bulletin about it. She said she has actually been called "Father," some have tried Mother. I tried that for a while but it didn't feel right. There were a lot of other possiblities but I can't remember what they were. She finally said, "Just call me Barbara." That's what she is most comfortable with. So that's what everyone calls her. I think there are many in the congregation who miss the old ways, a male priest that one can call "Father," but political correctness is the order of the day and no one will even admit to this. Except me!

So first names are what are used for lady priests I guess. Pastor Barbara? She was installed by a lady Bishop besides. It's easier to address a lady Bishop somehow, even though that too feels like "nails on a chalkboard."

I'm so glad I'm Catholic now! And I'm so grateful that the "gates of Hell will not prevail against" the Catholic Church. What a comfort that is, that Mother Church will not be blown about by every wind of popular change and whim of modern times that tomorrow will be obsolete again, let alone be corrosive. Whew! Why can't people in other churches that are doing the dance to liberalism see that?

Well, I could go on a long time about all that.

Ruthie

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BettyBoopToo
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Posted: Thu Dec 21st, 2006 02:59 am

Hello JillD:

It's hard to be very explicite on what you should say, It is a very small group and I can only imagine quite tight knit.

Personally I think I would go with the letter to the pastor, I'd not go into a huge doctrinal discourse. I think explaining that the Lord is leading you in this direction and that you feel you would be in complete disobedience to not atleast try and follow where your being led by him, is a perfect explanation.

I most likely would not criticize the Lutheran church and it's doctrines, But I may mention that many of the things you thought the Catholic Church taught were not true and your looking into what the church really does teach. You could or maybe not mention that you may not be receiveing communion until you've figured out what and where God is leading you.

I have yet to figure out why others would be paying attention to what & who is receiving communion or not is beyond me, When others mention someone not going up and wonder why, I've always wondered why you would be watching, The last thing on my mind at communion is anyone but Christ himself. It is such a precious time, When heaven & earth have these moments to meet, I'd certainly not waste these precious moments watching others. I'd just imagine in such a small community that it would be more noticeable. Lutherans believe in the real presence though, Don't they?

Are your husband & children supportive of your conversion? Since they are continueing their membership at this time with the Lutheran Church, Then I may speak to them and see how they feel about it. I do know for positive, If my family would be subjected to ill treatment that I would keep silent to protect them, (That's just me though)

My biggest obsticle was my Older Brother, He studied to be a Baptist Pastor, Married a Baptist Pastor's daughter, She has six sister's all married to Baptist pastor's. I expected a very big blow up. I talked with my brother privately, Told him that the Holy Spirit was leading me toward the catholic church, That I was not prepared to get into a dictrinal discussion because I was not certain why or If I excepted their beliefs at the time, etc. I was so shocked :shock:

. He said all I want to know is that your following Jesus Christ and who am I to tell you your wrong to go where he's leading you. When I invited he and his wife to my Baptism, They both said they'd not miss it for the world. When EV Mass was over both my brothers grabbed me with a big hug & kiss and told me they were proud of me. :shock:

I was fortunate, Neither of my brothers except all of the Catholic churches doctrines, But neither of them are willing to argue with where the Lord is leading people. I pray your situation goes smooth.

Missed you tonight at the Chat, Maybe next week

Betty

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Darlene
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Posted: Thu Dec 21st, 2006 02:56 pm

Betty,

Are your Baptist relatives believers in Eternal Security? If they are, that might explain why they were so accepting of your decision to become Catholic. Afterall, once you're saved, you are always saved. Nothing can undo that, even becoming Catholic.

My husband does not believe in Eternal Security and therefore, is very concerned about my eternal destiny and the condition of my soul should I become Catholic.

Darlene

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Katy
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Posted: Thu Dec 21st, 2006 03:07 pm

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thiscatholicjourney
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Posted: Thu Dec 21st, 2006 03:16 pm

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Darlene
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Posted: Thu Dec 21st, 2006 03:29 pm

Katy wrote: Darlene wrote: Betty,

Are your Baptist relatives believers in Eternal Security? If they are, that might explain why they were so accepting of your decision to become Catholic. Afterall, once you're saved, you are always saved. Nothing can undo that, even becoming Catholic.

My husband does not believe in Eternal Security and therefore, is very concerned about my eternal destiny and the condition of my soul should I become Catholic.

Darlene

My dad believes in "once saved, always saved," but is still concerned about my conversion to Catholism. I guess he thinks that if I can believe in the things that the Church teaches, I must not have been saved in the first place. Or he thinks that I am turning my back on my Christian faith by being Catholic. When in reality, I am embracing the fullness of truth in the Catholic Church!

Katy,

If your dad is a diehard Eternal Security (E S'er) believer in that doctrine, he must believe that you are still saved. Afterall, those that espouse that doctrine say that "Nothing can separate them from Christ, not even sin." They say that sin many effect your fellowship and relationship with God, but it will not effect your eternal destiny of going to Heaven because God cannot lie. Once God has saved you, He can't be untrue to His Word. They also use that verse, "None shall snatch them out of the Father's hand." and then back this verse up by asking if one can ever cease being their father's child? No, once you are born into that family, you are always your father's child. I respond by asking, will/should a faithless child receive their inheritance? And what about the Prodigal Son? Yes, his father gave him the inheritance at the son's insistance, but the son squandered it and no longer had his inheritance when he used it all up for his sinful pleasures. Had he not returned to his father's house, he would have been lost and without an inheritance. E.S. believers will use the verse, "He who hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment but has passed from death to life." They say that immediately one can be assured of their eternal salvation at the moment they accept Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior. But they skirt verses that say, "Work out you salvation with fear and trembling." or "We are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and keep their souls."

You know, I could go on and on with all the pros and cons on the subject of E.S., but the truth is, that doctrine is a product of the Reformation. And sad to say, many people who have professed faith in Christ publicly only to continue living a sinful life have been deceived into thinking they are going to Heaven. I have always argued against this doctrine because it deals with the most serious matter we will ever face and that is our salvation.

Darlene

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Posted: Thu Dec 21st, 2006 03:45 pm

Thank you for all your advice. It's helpful. I guess I'll continue to go and "sit out" the Communion time. Lutherans have a different method from Catholics, though. They go up to the altar in small groups. All receive the bread and then the wine, and then they all sit down as a group. Then the next group partakes. So, it's doubly obvious when my family is up partaking and I'm still sitting in the pew.

Also, the most obvious reason that would pop into people's heads is that some sin is keeping me from partaking. In fact, one of our old fellows sort of joked with me after the service last Sunday, something about being a bad girl and not taking Communion. I just mumbled that there are other reasons for not taking it, but it was awkward. It was not the time or the mood to go into an explanation.

I guess I wish they all knew, as I hate feeling like a stumbling block or a matter for gossip.

I won't be resigning my membership in the Lutheran church until I'm right at the time for being brought into the Catholic church.

Jill

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Posted: Fri Dec 22nd, 2006 04:08 am

Darlene wrote: Betty,

Are your Baptist relatives believers in Eternal Security? If they are, that might explain why they were so accepting of your decision to become Catholic. Afterall, once you're saved, you are always saved. Nothing can undo that, even becoming Catholic.

My husband does not believe in Eternal Security and therefore, is very concerned about my eternal destiny and the condition of my soul should I become Catholic.

Darlene

Darlene Dear:

You may have hit the nail on the head, I never even thought of that. They do believe in Eternal Security or for the most part. I may snoop around and ask a few questions.

They are wonderful christian people and have been great christian examples for our whole family. Even when everyone of us have had our lapse moments. All they have ever showed everyone in the family is Charitable Christian Love.

I love my brother's and their wives so much, I have trouble bring up doctrines that I know we'll disagree on. Not because I'm afraid or intimidated, They are my older by many years brothers and I've always had alot of respect for them. I do bring up things & beliefs that we have in common or share new things I've learned that I'm sure they are not aware of what the RCC teaches or they think the chuch teaches some false understanding. If I share things I'm sure they've been taught different, I just keep it to something I've learned and not direct it personally to them. One of my brothers likes father so well they've exchanged e-mails. I've envited them to a few functions and they've had to come to a few funerals & funeral rosaries that Father led. Both my brothers and their wives really enjoy father, So they have seen a different side to the RCC. I think they're more receptive to learning things from someone else than me.

I'm certain your right here though.

Thanks

Betty

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BettyBoopToo
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Posted: Fri Dec 22nd, 2006 04:11 am

JillD

(I hope I'm not turning this site into an advice column...)

I don't know why you shouldent??? Is'nt that one of the purposes of the Forum?

I really enjoy your posts, You've brought up some really great stuff, and contributed alot. I thank You

Betty

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David W. Emery
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Posted: Fri Dec 22nd, 2006 11:44 am

Advice column is it? Well, I doubt if Rick and I bear any resemblance to Dear Abby. But the moderators have talked over on occasion the direction this forum should go.

One of the things we’ve seen happen over the years we’ve been associated with the CHN Forum is that it has moved from a tiny self-help group of seekers stumbling in the dark to a well-organized, far-flung internet support group. There are the seekers and inquirers, there are those who are returning to the practice of their faith after a time away, there are those struggling with problems and barriers to faith, and there are Catholics called by God to witness their faith.

Another thing we have striven to create is a living storehouse of information about the Catholic way in the form of question/answer, issue/discussion and problem/counsel for anyone who is seeking to enter or return. Much of this information is simply not available elsewhere on the internet. The extensive structure of categories in this forum is intended to help people find the information and help they seek long after the forum’s participants have moved on to other topics and concerns.

Rick provided some figures a few weeks ago that show how well the forum is functioning. We still have relatively few participants, but those who do participate often liken their experience to a lifeline. Holding onto that lifeline, they can pull through the always difficult time of conversion, orientation and integration while they find ways of “letting go” the things and people of the past. They are immigrating to a new country and of necessity must leave behind the land of their birth. (This thread is about that “letting go” process.)

But the surprising statistic that Rick presented is that those who simply come and absorb what they see here outnumber the participants by as much as 30 times. This is a consistent figure, not a gawking over novelties. Basically, then, even though the information storehouse is barely beginning, we have a large and growing “invisible audience.” They must be benefitting, or they would not return.

And some of you thought this was just a cozy place to chat!

David

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Posted: Fri Dec 22nd, 2006 01:32 pm

Dear David,

Something you said just leaped out at me because it is EXACTLY what I am realizing now. "They are immigrating to a new country and of neccesity must leave behind the land of their birth. (This thread is about that "letting go" process.)"

Just in the last several days I feel as though I am mourning loss. I am thinking about the Protestant brothers and sisters that I have been close to for MANY years. We have prayed for one another, loved one another through trials, helped each other in times of physical, emotional, spiritual, financial stress. I desire that we continue in fellowship just as we have been, but I am also preparing myself should that not be the case.

I have been more aloof from some of my Christian friends, partly because the Holy Spirit has been taking me to a quiet place to deepen in my faith. But also, because I want to be STRENGTHENED when I do speak with them. Now the brothers and sisters I am talking about here are ones that do not attend our church. I have known them for more than 20 years. However, there are a few brethren that I have grown close to in our church, and I do not look forward to telling them about my desire to become Catholic. I know they will find out sooner or later, but I look upon the time to tell them with reluctance. Not because I would not ordianarily want to tell them about all the beauty I am discovering about the Catholic faith. No, instead my concern is that they will "trample under foot" the pearls of the Catholic faith. I so desire that will not happen, and perhaps some will truly be receptive. But I must prepare for their rejection as well.

This forum has been instrumental in answering my questions, and understanding my "issues." Thank you, thank you, many times over. God bless each and every one of you in your faith and ministry.

Darlene

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Posted: Fri Dec 22nd, 2006 02:35 pm

Darlene wrote: Just in the last several days I feel as though I am mourning loss. I am thinking about the Protestant brothers and sisters that I have been close to for MANY years. We have prayed for one another, loved one another through trials, helped each other in times of physical, emotional, spiritual, financial stress. I desire that we continue in fellowship just as we have been, but I am also preparing myself should that not be the case.

It is unfortunate, but there are many times in our lives that we must separate ourselves from friends and companions. How many of us had high school friends who were going to be our "best friends forever" but as our lives progressed and our interests diverged, we lost the common bond we thought would keep us linked. Most of us, hopefully, moved on to better lives in college, in the adult world, in marriages and families, perhaps even in a different part of the country. And with every change, we grieved. Grief is real. It is the way God gives us to process loss. And even when we are replacing the past with something better, the loss is still real and still must be grieved.

But just as we had to let go of the high school sweetheart we thought we would grow old with (like, all the way to 25!), life moves on and takes us in different directions. And we lose friends and connections. But God never moves, never turns away, never rejects. Ultimately, we must choose between all those earthly connections or the one connection that really matters. If we have faith, then our only choice, no matter how difficult, is to follow the road that leads us to God.

And we grieve the roads not taken.

David W. Emery
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Posted: Fri Dec 22nd, 2006 03:38 pm

You see then, Darlene, how the journey of faith gets its name. Every convert, one way or another, must face this reality.

We are like Abraham, leaving Mesopotamia in quest of the Promised Land. He arrives, but finds no promise, no fulfillment. So he moves on to Egypt and further misadventures. Returning to Palestine, he is finally presented with a renewed promise and a son.

But then Abraham is told he must render the son to God. Another stepping out in faith. It is only at the end of his life that he is able to catch a glimmer of where God was really leading him and what his posterity will accomplish through the divine will.

Two millennia after his death, Abraham’s promise is fulfilled in abundance. Yet even now, another two millennia later, that Son of Abraham has only a tenuous hold on a minority of the world’s population. A remnant, it seems, themselves sojourners on earth, will be the only ones to inherit heaven.

How many times did Abraham have to “let go” and accept God’s will? We wish it were otherwise, but the Catholic spiritual tradition is firm in its insistence that here we have no lasting city. That our attachment to things and persons who are not going our way must be cast aside so that we, unencumbered, might at last scale the mountain of the Lord to be with him at the summit. If we do not let go of them, they will wrest themselves free and there will be hurt and bitterness.

What does Jesus tell us about this sojourn? “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well” (Matthew 6:33). You are moving your tent a long way from Mesopotamia. Friendships may come and go; life moves on, as Rick points out. But the one thing necessary is what you must seek. God will provide.

David

thiscatholicjourney
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Joined:	Tue Nov 7th, 2006
Location:	Reno, Nevada USA
Posts:	34
First Name:	Amber
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Posted: Fri Dec 22nd, 2006 03:43 pm

Darlene wrote: Dear David,

Something you said just leaped out at me because it is EXACTLY what I am realizing now. "They are immigrating to a new country and of neccesity must leave behind the land of their birth. (This thread is about that "letting go" process.)"

Just in the last several days I feel as though I am mourning loss. I am thinking about the Protestant brothers and sisters that I have been close to for MANY years. We have prayed for one another, loved one another through trials, helped each other in times of physical, emotional, spiritual, financial stress. I desire that we continue in fellowship just as we have been, but I am also preparing myself should that not be the case.

I have been more aloof from some of my Christian friends, partly because the Holy Spirit has been taking me to a quiet place to deepen in my faith. But also, because I want to be STRENGTHENED when I do speak with them. Now the brothers and sisters I am talking about here are ones that do not attend our church. I have known them for more than 20 years. However, there are a few brethren that I have grown close to in our church, and I do not look forward to telling them about my desire to become Catholic. I know they will find out sooner or later, but I look upon the time to tell them with reluctance. Not because I would not ordianarily want to tell them about all the beauty I am discovering about the Catholic faith. No, instead my concern is that they will "trample under foot" the pearls of the Catholic faith. I so desire that will not happen, and perhaps some will truly be receptive. But I must prepare for their rejection as well.

  This forum has been instrumental in answering my questions, and understanding my "issues." Thank you, thank you, many times over. God bless each and every one of you in your faith and ministry.

Darlene

I can relate SO much to what you're saying here. I believe this is very common for those of us converting from non-Catholic Christian faiths. I put off telling my parents for a long time because I knew the kind of response I would get. I have had friends challenge me and I'm sure I will lose some along the way...

BUT, I have made some AMAZING new friends and God has brought comfort to me in unexpected ways and from unexpected people.

Psalm 71:1-3

1 In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
       let me never be put to shame.

2 Rescue me and deliver me in your righteousness;
       turn your ear to me and save me.
3 Be my rock of refuge,
       to which I can always go;
       give the command to save me,
       for you are my rock and my fortress.

____________________
Proudly entered the Catholic Church in 2007!
Learn about my journey!
http://thiscatholicjourney.com/blog.htm

Esther
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Joined:	Fri Sep 29th, 2006
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Posts:	157
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Posted: Fri Dec 22nd, 2006 03:45 pm

Darlene wrote: Katy wrote:

My dad believes in "once saved, always saved," but is still concerned about my conversion to Catholism. I guess he thinks that if I can believe in the things that the Church teaches, I must not have been saved in the first place. Or he thinks that I am turning my back on my Christian faith by being Catholic. When in reality, I am embracing the fullness of truth in the Catholic Church!

Katy,

If your dad is a diehard Eternal Security (E S'er) believer in that doctrine, he must believe that you are still saved.

Darlene,

Although this is true, and my father does believe he will see me in heaven (the last time we talked anyway... he has changed his mind on this a couple of time...). But he sees it as his baby girl is dead to him now since she has joined the evil whore of Babylon. I am leading souls to hell by having them depend on Mary and the Pope for our salvation instead of Jesus. So even though I may be going to heaven, I am preventing others from getting there. And since before I started this conversion I was on my way to being a Southern Baptist missionary (which was their dream as well as mine) where I would save souls, I am now destroying them. At least this is the prospective they have explained to me.

Esther

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CHNI Forums > Fellowship Area > Fellowship Hall > How did you tell your former church you were becoming Catholic?