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Theresa A. K.
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| Joined: | Fri Jan 12th, 2007 |
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| Posts: | 2 |
| First Name: | Theresa | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Jan 12th, 2007 05:29 pm |
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Hi, this is my first time ever posting a message on any forum. I am hoping to find suggestions for resources that might help a young (30ish) person who has renounced faith in Christ, Chrisianity/Catholicism, the sacraments etc.. This young person has had an ongoing problem with pornography and says that the sacraments were no help, that they "don't work". "To thine own self be true" seems to be the rule for life at this point.
I think that the main problem is that this person has given up the fight against sin and has lost hope. If you have suggestions that might help, please let me hear from you.
God bless you.
Theresa
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twiggymoo
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| Joined: | Fri Oct 13th, 2006 |
| Location: | Maryland USA |
| Posts: | 38 |
| First Name: | Twiggymoo | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Nazarene, Free Methodist, Baptist..Romeward bound |
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Posted: Fri Jan 12th, 2007 06:02 pm |
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Theresa,
Has this person always been a Catholic or has s/he also been to other churches/denominations? What is the church history of this person?
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CajunRick
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Posted: Fri Jan 12th, 2007 08:23 pm |
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Theresa A. K. wrote: Hi, this is my first time ever posting a message on any forum.
Welcome to CHN. I hope you'll be comfortable here. Kick your shoes off, lean back, and enjoy the ride!
I am hoping to find suggestions for resources that might help a young (30ish) person who has renounced faith in Christ, Chrisianity/Catholicism, the sacraments etc.. This young person has had an ongoing problem with pornography and says that the sacraments were no help, that they "don't work". "To thine own self be true" seems to be the rule for life at this point.
I think that the main problem is that this person has given up the fight against sin and has lost hope. If you have suggestions that might help, please let me hear from you.
Don asked you about the church history. I might also ask for a little information about your relationship with this person. Your response will be different if it is your spouse, your child, your parent, or a work friend. Does this person live in your household or around the world? Are you communicating in person, by email, by telephone, or by letter?
But maybe we can give some general help. I'll assume you are speaking of a young man, and that you are someone very close to him, perhaps a parent or grandparent.
First of all, your response needs to be loving. Make sure he knows that the reason for your concern is your love for him. Don't be confrontational and don't condemn. However, if he lives in your home, you do have a right to restrict what is present in your home. Let him know that whatever his problems, he is mature enough to understand that he is living in your home and expected to follow your rules.
The sacraments open us up to God's grace, but we have to be willing to receive it. Addicts often feel they are totally out of control of their addiction. That's why the first step in a typical 12-step program is to realize and admit that they are helpless in the face of their addiction, and they need the assistance of a higher power. All things are possible with God.
Quote from scripture whenever possible. Don't preach; just use it as a constant reminder that God is there. If our family planned anything, my mother would always say "If God says the same" meaning that all our plans are contingent on God's will. Even though my parents didn't attend church for most of my childhood, I was constantly reminded of God. There were crucifixes and rosaries around the house and they influenced me, even though my parents were never overt in their lessons.
Light a candle to remind you both of the light of Christ. Have it present for meals, if you eat together. Don't say anything unless he asks; if he does, tell him it's to remind you of the light of Christ. Say grace before meals.
Plant seeds. Instead of saying "I love you" say "I love you, and God does too." When he has a problem, suggest that he ask God for help. Don't argue. The first thing Jesus always did is love. He told us to love our neighbor, to be the Good Samaritan, to take care of the least of his people, to turn the other cheek. Don't preach those lessons; live those lessons.
And pray. St. Monica prayed for her son for 30 years. He eventually became Christian and one of the greatest minds in the history of the world. Today we recognize him as St. Augustine. Pray the rosary and ask our Blessed Mother to guide him to her Son. Let him know you're doing it. Again, don't preach. If he asks why you're wasting your time with those beads, say it's because you're praying for him, and he's worth your time.
Keep a Christian home and a Catholic attitude. The seeds you have planted will eventually take root. The Holy Spirit will provide the fertilizer, and you will water them with your own faith. And one day, there will be a harvest. You may not see the harvest, but have faith that it will happen, and it will. All things are possible with God.
Maybe we can give you some more specific assistance after you've given us some details, but in the meantime, this is the general direction I would take.
We will be praying for you and this person. Keep the faith and never forget that all things are possible with God.
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Talithacumi
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| Joined: | Sat Sep 30th, 2006 |
| Location: | Eastern Ohio, USA |
| Posts: | 306 |
| First Name: | Cheri | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic - Latin Rite |
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Posted: Fri Jan 12th, 2007 09:16 pm |
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Theresa A. K. wrote: Hi, this is my first time ever posting a message on any forum. I am hoping to find suggestions for resources that might help a young (30ish) person who has renounced faith in Christ, Chrisianity/Catholicism, the sacraments etc.. This young person has had an ongoing problem with pornography and says that the sacraments were no help, that they "don't work". "To thine own self be true" seems to be the rule for life at this point.
I think that the main problem is that this person has given up the fight against sin and has lost hope. If you have suggestions that might help, please let me hear from you.
God bless you.
Theresa
Theresa,
I don't know the full situation, so I could be wrong, but to me, it sounds like this person has an addiction (you mentioned an "ongoing" problem with pornography). With any kind of sinful addiction it is so easy to despair and believe that the "Sacraments don't work". Sometimes people want to look at the Sacraments as some kind of all-purpose quick-fix elixir. We've been taught all our lives that the Sacraments "heal" us (they do, but not always in the way we think they do). I think sometimes when an addict (of whatever kind - there are all kinds of addictions) finally realizes he's out of control, he might turn to God. After all, God is the all-powerful Healer, isn't He? If God can't help, who can? So maybe the person starts to think something like, "OK, God, I'm turning to You now. You're my only hope." So when nothing seems to happen, guess what? It's out of that person's hands because he's already admitted his own powerlessness. So who does he blame? God, of course. Because he thinks God didn't help, either.
It sounds to me like he (I use the masculine pronoun because it's easier and shorter than trying to be politically correct...) has a heap of guilty feelings and doesn't know how to handle them anymore. I also think maybe he fears that he's such a sinner that maybe God doesn't love him anymore, so why bother to try? And/or he might not trust in his own love for God for the same reason: he keeps sinning, so maybe he thinks that says something about his inability to love God. And so perhaps he feels like giving up because... what's the use? He keeps committing the same sin over and over. He doesn't see any improvement, so maybe on the inside he thinks he's no good. But obviously, there is good in him. I mean, if the pornography bothers him, then that's a sign of "goodness". He yearns to do what's right before God. And that's the key. It's in the yearning that God can be found.
He's not alone in these feelings of wanting to throw in the towel. I think most of us feel like giving up from time to time. Something that helps me when I'm feeling bad about myself to the point that I think "What's the use?" is to try and offer up whatever I'm going through for my good and the good of others. Maybe you could try helping him to understand about the "Deposit of Faith" and that by offering up one's sufferings (even if they are the result of guilty feelings) one can help others on their road to salvation. And that, in turn, will bring blessings back to that person. Along those lines, doing service for others is truly beneficial to one's own peace of mind. So maybe you could try to help him get involved in some kind of charitable committee or action.
I see in your friend a lack of security in his own worth as a person. Speaking as one who's had similar feelings (not because of pornography - there are thousands of kinds of addiction)... anyway, having experienced some of these feelings, one of the things that I found to be most beneficial is encouragement. Not something cheesy and Peter-Pannish like "Cheer up and smile" or something negative like "you're bringing me down with all your negativity" or anything negative. Negative plus negative does not equal positive! When a person's really down on himself, he needs to know that he's not a "loser." He needs to know there's someone out there who believes in him, despite his flaws and idiosyncrasies and addictions and whatever other things have made him who he has become. Tell him how much he is loved. Tell him he is valuable or God wouldn't have created him. Tell him about his good qualities. Help him to stop focusing on his sinful addiction and to see that this is just something that he will need to constantly repent of, but that God knows his desire to change and will help him in His own way and time.
Another thing you can do is... send him here! Everyone on here has problems. If he can see how others struggle and yet grow in their Faith, maybe he will be encouraged.
Also, there are a number of reading materials he could ponder over if he's willing to read. There's always the Bible and Catechism if he needs to find out more about the Faith, and if it is more of a discouragement and/or addiction problem there are numerous self-help books out there, many with spiritual and Catholic overtones. I have a couple of older books (not sure if they're still in print). One is called "Addiction and Grace" by Gerald G. May published by Harper Collins. Another is by Bert Ghezzi and it's called "Getting Free" and it's published by Sophia Press. They seemed to help me in a time when I needed help in certain areas. There are scores of others out there.
I'm sure there are several other things you can try to help this person, and there will be plenty of suggestions from others, I'm sure. But from my stand-point, Encouragement is a Big One.
P.S. Welcome aboard! Hope to see more of you! (Btw, sorry this is so long...)
P.P.S. I meant to mention, but somehow left it out... Prayer is the most important thing you can do, and be assured that many of us on here will be praying for this person.
JMJ
- Cheri
Last edited on Fri Jan 12th, 2007 09:22 pm by Talithacumi
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“We do not want a Church that will move with the world; we want a Church that will move the world.”
- G.K. Chesterton
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Prodigal Daughter
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| Joined: | Wed Nov 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 200 |
| First Name: | Deborah/PD | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptized Catholic, received First Communion, left during Confirmation year. ... |
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Posted: Fri Jan 12th, 2007 09:32 pm |
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I am hoping to find suggestions for resources that might help a young (30ish) person who has renounced faith in Christ, Chrisianity/Catholicism, the sacraments etc.. This young person has had an ongoing problem with pornography...
Here is a great resource!
http://www.trueknights.org
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"Man should tremble, the world should vibrate, all Heaven should be deeply moved when the Son of God appears on the altar in the hands of the priest."
St. Francis of Assisi
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Liza
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| Joined: | Thu Dec 28th, 2006 |
| Location: | Naples, Florida USA |
| Posts: | 25 |
| First Name: | Liza | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Roman Catholic |
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Posted: Sat Jan 13th, 2007 03:59 am |
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I just hope Theresa stays with us and reads these wonderful and thoughtful posts.
The internet is full of pornography today and it may come in your email whether you want it or not. It drives weak minds off into never never land and soon the poor souls are hooked...even Christians. I believe this is an issue all of us need to pray about. Men seem to be more vulnerable. I was listening to Relevant Radio (A Catholic Christian radio station) the other day and a poor wife called in having a problem with her husband who had been led down the dark path of pornography via internet. He said to his wife she was taking this too seriously and not to worry. My heart went out to this poor woman in her delima as to how to handle this as it was destroying her marriage and I could tell she was beaten up mentally. All I can say is Satan is out there big time. He first strikes at the family to unsettle and destroy. Once he has the family under his control, the rest is dreadful history. It is sad what is going on today. As Christians we need to stand firm in our faith and not listen to the devil even while his voice may be coming through a loved one. I say to all women...call a spade a spade and be strong if you are married to a man who has gone by the wayside in evil lusts via internet. Stay with the truth and Jesus will hold you up. Do not cave to the evil one.
You know Jesus who is the truth and the Truth will set you free.
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Prodigal Daughter
Member
| Joined: | Wed Nov 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 200 |
| First Name: | Deborah/PD | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptized Catholic, received First Communion, left during Confirmation year. ... |
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Posted: Sat Jan 13th, 2007 11:33 am |
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| We also have http://x3watch.com accountablility software on our computers. The person can agree to have you or someone else as an accountability partner. God bless!
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"Man should tremble, the world should vibrate, all Heaven should be deeply moved when the Son of God appears on the altar in the hands of the priest."
St. Francis of Assisi
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Theresa A. K.
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| Joined: | Fri Jan 12th, 2007 |
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| Posts: | 2 |
| First Name: | Theresa | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Sat Jan 13th, 2007 09:58 pm |
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Hi,
Thanks for your interest. This young man is a lifelong Catholic, is married and the father of four young children.
He majored in theology at a very fine, faithful Catholic university and is also very creative and extremely bright.
He and his wife have had their share of difficulties. His wife is suffering from a huge health crisis and is a very faithful Catholic.
Please pray for them and if you have suggestions that would be great.
One more thing, he told me that they are now getting counselling and it seems to be helping the relationship somewhat. I thought for a while that they were very close to divorce. They both mentioned it to me at different times.
The young man has had a lot of depression over the last several years. Doesn't that go right along with being enslaved to pornography and battling against it, with not much success? I would tend to think so.
In Christ,
Theresa
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