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Truthseeker
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 4th, 2006 |
| Location: | Costa Mesa, California USA |
| Posts: | 457 |
| First Name: | Laura | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | lapsed and returned CATHOLIC!!!!!! |
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Posted: Thu Feb 22nd, 2007 02:20 pm |
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My oldest is 14 and will be 15 in April. When I became a Christian (you know what I mean) in 2001, she was 9 and pretty accepting. now, she hates God (when she's angry with me) and hates everything that has to do with god - church, bible, any God talk. She says I am making her hate, because I cram religion down her throat. She is adamantly NOT A CATHOLIC!! When she goes to church, she SITS and refuses to participate at all.
Now you all know how the past six years have been for me. My husband dislikes the fact that I'm a believer and the effects it has had in our family. I fully understand that I have made noticeable changes that have effected everyone. But, really, the only things I have required from my kids are meal time prayer, Sunday Mass, Sunday school for the two years prior to Holy Eucharist (I stopped making them attend in an effort to not be abandoning my husband all day Sundays), and tv/music/movie monitoring, which I did as a responsible parent, anyway. My husband says I am too limiting because I am a holy roller, but truthfully, even though my understanding of God and sin and the specialness of each of my children does influence why I ban certain tv/movies/music, they just didn't need it so much when they were younger, in the days of my paganism. Also, I would let her spend the night at friends' houses on Saturdays and pick her up early for church on Sundays, which she came to hate.
My husband ridicules me for my Christianity. Not all the time, but when we argue. He shows disgust when he "catches" me watching EWTN. Since my pregnancy/miscarriage, I have allowed myself to attend more out of Sunday functions (a bible studyhere, a prayer breakfast there -this Saturday, actually), and this is really making it more obviously that my Christian-ness is a separating factor in our family (besides the fact that my kids don't know the real reason I am so angry with my husband).
I tend to think that my husband's attitude toward me and his ridicule are the reason my daughter hates religion (because I think she would blame our conflict on religion before thinking ill of her father) but I may be passing the blame. What am I doing wrong, that my love of Jesus would turn her so away? How do I continue "putting" Jesus before her without her thinking I am cramming Him down her throat? What is an acceptable balance between my wanting to worship God and do the things that bring me close to Him while still showing my kids that I haven't become such a separate entity in our family?
My daughter told me that I love God more than her and I said that I should but obviously didn't, because I still allow myself to "do" for my family at times, when I feel I should be "doing" for God.
I don't want my daughter to grow up with a raging hatred of all things God and His church.
Love, Laura
____________________
Lord, please make my will your Will!
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Angie_Rivas1
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 11th, 2006 |
| Location: | Downey, USA |
| Posts: | 110 |
| First Name: | Angie | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic |
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Posted: Sat Feb 24th, 2007 03:42 am |
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Dear Laura,
I just want you to know that you are special to me. Despite of all the suffering you have gone through in your walk with the Lord, you are not alone. The Lord is with you. He's been with you since the beginning of time. We are definely learning a lesson.
Have patience with your daughter, Laura. Continue to give her Godly advice about how precious she is. Talk to her with love. I am sure she is confused and is trying to figure out who she is. Children at this age need lots of guidance, a role model, and a good friend to talk to. Do "things" she likes together. I am praying for both of you. This shall pass, too.
Angie
____________________
"Be not afraid" JPII
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JasPax
Member
| Joined: | Wed Nov 22nd, 2006 |
| Location: | North Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 272 |
| First Name: | James | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Episcopal to Catholic |
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Posted: Sat Feb 24th, 2007 11:22 am |
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Laura:
Keep doing what you know is right, despite the objections of your daughter who is in the midst of the well-known drama-queen stage. Now she says she hates you; but when she finally grows up she will be glad you set limits for her, and she will have a model for how to rear her own children.
Too many children today are essentially raising themselves, with no one setting boundaries for them. The result is that when they have children of their own they have no clue what to do with them, and the societal problems worsen.
It makes it much worse that your husband's behavior encourages her antics; you just have to control what you can and let God take care of the rest. Be as strong as you can.
God Bless!
____________________
James
"Abide in me, and I in you..." John 15:4
"He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him." John 6:56
RSV-2CE
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Juan
Member
| Joined: | Tue Oct 17th, 2006 |
| Location: | Texas USA |
| Posts: | 247 |
| First Name: | unregister | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | unregister |
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Posted: Sat Feb 24th, 2007 12:00 pm |
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My oldest is 14 and will be 15 in April. When I became a Christian (you know what I mean) in 2001, she was 9 and pretty accepting. now, she hates God (when she's angry with me) and hates everything that has to do with god - church, bible, any God talk. She says I am making her hate, because I cram religion down her throat. She is adamantly NOT A CATHOLIC!! When she goes to church, she SITS and refuses to participate at all.
Now you all know how the past six years have been for me. My husband dislikes the fact that I'm a believer and the effects it has had in our family. I fully understand that I have made noticeable changes that have effected everyone. But, really, the only things I have required from my kids are meal time prayer, Sunday Mass, Sunday school for the two years prior to Holy Eucharist (I stopped making them attend in an effort to not be abandoning my husband all day Sundays), and tv/music/movie monitoring, which I did as a responsible parent, anyway. My husband says I am too limiting because I am a holy roller, but truthfully, even though my understanding of God and sin and the specialness of each of my children does influence why I ban certain tv/movies/music, they just didn't need it so much when they were younger, in the days of my paganism. Also, I would let her spend the night at friends' houses on Saturdays and pick her up early for church on Sundays, which she came to hate.
My husband ridicules me for my Christianity. Not all the time, but when we argue. He shows disgust when he "catches" me watching EWTN. Since my pregnancy/miscarriage, I have allowed myself to attend more out of Sunday functions (a bible studyhere, a prayer breakfast there -this Saturday, actually), and this is really making it more obviously that my Christian-ness is a separating factor in our family (besides the fact that my kids don't know the real reason I am so angry with my husband).
I tend to think that my husband's attitude toward me and his ridicule are the reason my daughter hates religion (because I think she would blame our conflict on religion before thinking ill of her father) but I may be passing the blame.
Nope. Sounds like you hit the nail on the head.
What am I doing wrong, that my love of Jesus would turn her so away?
It isn't your love of Jesus.
How do I continue "putting" Jesus before her without her thinking I am cramming Him down her throat?
In many cultures, your child is considered an adult at this age.
To convert me, my wife didn't use pressure. She simply continued being faithful to the things she thought she had to do. She invited me to join her in prayer and to Mass, but respected my decision.
What is an acceptable balance between my wanting to worship God and do the things that bring me close to Him while still showing my kids that I haven't become such a separate entity in our family?
Only you can judge.
My daughter told me that I love God more than her
My explanation to my children is that it is true. But I love them through God because God is the source of all love. Of course, my children are very well versed in their faith and know that they must also put God first, above me.
and I said that I should but obviously didn't, because I still allow myself to "do" for my family at times, when I feel I should be "doing" for God.
Remember, that what you do for your family, you do for God, because what you do for your family, you do for Love and God is Love. Your vocation is housewife and mother. This vocation, diligently performed, is how you have chosen to glorify God. As far as I can see, you are doing a fine job.
I don't want my daughter to grow up with a raging hatred of all things God and His church.
She won't. Continue to put her and your entire family in God's hands. He has taken your sacrifices into account and He won't let you down.
And of course, we will all keep you in our prayers,
May God bless you,
Sincerely,
Juan
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