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hoddie3
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| Joined: | Thu Jun 7th, 2007 |
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| Posts: | 4 |
| First Name: | Jane | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | mormon, aspiring Catholic |
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Posted: Wed Jul 18th, 2007 08:46 pm |
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| Hi everyone, I'm fairly new to this site so bear with me! My Catholic husband and I started going to church back in January and hadtalked with the priest and got my husband's previous marriage annulled and the priest had found that my former marriage wasn't valid due to several reasons. We were set to take the Cana II class in April, but with a new baby that wouldn't take a bottle we couldn't attend. Now it is July and our priest retired and we got a phone call from the new priest tonight and he doesn't think the "proper" procedures were followed in regards to my former marriage. I am devastated, I don not want my abusive, controlling ex to know anything about my life and my business and I thought that all of it was behind me now, and now I'm feeling angry and don't know if I want to take the RCIA classes, why would a priest tell you he didn't agree with another priest on the phone, especially when he doesn't know the whole story? I don't know what to do, I would appreciate any advice and also prayers you all could share with me!
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Katy
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | DFW, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 78 |
| First Name: | Katy | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Non-denom/Bible churches, Catholic since Easter 2005 |
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Posted: Wed Jul 18th, 2007 09:37 pm |
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| I'm very sorry, Holly. I don't really have any advice for you, except to ask if you have been able to contact your retired priest. I will definately pray for you.
____________________
Lord, by Your cross and resurrection, You have set us free. You are the Savior of the World.
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Credo Catholic
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| Joined: | Sat May 5th, 2007 |
| Location: | Greenville, South Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 1313 |
| First Name: | Marsha | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Wed Jul 18th, 2007 09:58 pm |
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| I heard a similar problem on Catholic radio one day, and the show's host said if you can't get resolution with one priest, you may with another. I wouldn't give up easily without trying other options. Also, when I was in RCIA there was a new mother who sat in class with a shawl over her shoulder and breastfed! I know many people don't agree, but to me it looked very natural, she was as calm with it as could be, and I thought at the time, wow, Catholics give a lot of priority to their babies!
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BodRod
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 2nd, 2006 |
| Location: | Apple Valley, California USA |
| Posts: | 806 |
| First Name: | Cliff | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Raised an SDA, then Generic Christian, finally at home with ... |
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Posted: Wed Jul 18th, 2007 11:14 pm |
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| Is it possible to take your situation to the bishop? That might give you a different response that would help work things out with the new priest.
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Gratias agamus Domino Deo nostro.
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CajunRick
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 5157 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Thu Jul 19th, 2007 01:08 am |
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hoddie3 wrote: I don not want my abusive, controlling ex to know anything about my life and my business and I thought that all of it was behind me now,
Holly, even if your ex is informed of the Tribunal proceedings, he cannot contest them or be aware of anything you have said. He would only be asked for his own statement as to the reasons why the marriage failed. The questions asked of him are generic in nature and do not reflect your own particular circumstances. What yoj may have said about him remains confidential.
He was a partner in the marriage and in the divorce. He has a right to know that you have filed for a Declaration of Nullity, and he has a right to know if it is granted. After all, his marriage will be declared null as well.
The intention of the Church is to heal. Apparently your retired priest believed there was a defect of form, and your current priest does not. It's really not up to either one of them. It's up to the Tribunal, and their decision will be reviewed on a provincial level. Contact your retired priest if you can and ask him for his help. Meanwhile, don't give up on the Church. Jesus is still calling you, even if the people who are involved in that call seem insensitive. Jesus still loves you and wants to heal you, but it's up to you whether you let him.
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Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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BettyBoopToo
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Camas/Washougal, Washington USA |
| Posts: | 538 |
| First Name: | Betty | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Fist Baptist/Calvary Babtist/Secular Confusion/ Roman Catholic |
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Posted: Thu Jul 19th, 2007 02:10 am |
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hoddie3 wrote:
Holly, I'm sorry for your set back. I would listen to Rick and others comments and try not to get discouraged so easy. I know we don't know anything about your ex and how it may have been a traumatic experience. I would make an apt with the current pastor and come in to have him explain his correction and why the difference in opinion about the other priests statements. I think it would be much more helpful to have him explain what was wrong with the other priest statements and find out your next step.
and hadtalked with the priest and got my husband's previous marriage annulled and the priest had found that my former marriage wasn't valid due to several reasons.
When I read this, I thought that was a pretty quick investigation of your previous situations, so maybe the retired priest just accidentally missed something or mis-understood your other marriage situations.
We were set to take the Cana II class in April, but with a new baby that wouldn't take a bottle we couldn't attend.
I had two nursing mothers in my RCIA class and they brought their babies to every class. We also had a husband joining the church and his wife (already Catholic) came along with their 10 & 12 yrs old children, they sat at a table and had their children do homework during RCIA class. Father also normally will hold and or carry a baby around with him while the class is going on, so the mother can listen. I've really seen much exceptance from other women and their children to come to all functions in the catholic church. Expecially a young baby like yours.
I am devastated. I'm feeling angry and don't know if I want to take the RCIA classes
I can see how this can be very frustrating for you, but I'll also pray and hope you can be calmed by our lords love for you and his interest in helping you heal from your past experiences. God Bless and please let us know if you make any headway on your situation.
Welcome to the forum and we're very glad to have you with us.
Betty
____________________
Patience
"Whenever anything disagreeable or displeasing happens to you, remember Christ crucified and be silent."
St. John of the Cross
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hoddie3
Member
| Joined: | Thu Jun 7th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 4 |
| First Name: | Jane | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | mormon, aspiring Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Jul 20th, 2007 08:45 pm |
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| Thank you all for your replies! I'm trying to get in contact with our retired priest, My ex is mormon and already had our marriage annulled in his church (my former), I don't know how to get a copy of our marriage license, nor do I want to pay to get it. I just don't want him to poison my children more, by giving him any clues as to what I'm doing (he can't move on).
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Therese Z
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| Joined: | Sat Mar 10th, 2007 |
| Location: | Chicagoland, Illinois USA |
| Posts: | 55 |
| First Name: | Therese Z | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Cradle, Cultural, Lapsed, Passionately Catholic |
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Posted: Sun Jul 22nd, 2007 01:39 pm |
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The annulment process was a difficult but very great blessing to me, for a couple of reasons:
1. I was initially very uncomfortable with my ex knowing my business, but I gained some serenity when I realized that all he was being asked for was information and answers to questions, his side, as it were, unadulterated by my side. He certainly was entitled to express his side of it, being an equal party to the marriage, even though his abusive addicted behavior and huge secrets destroyed our peace.
Also, I worried that my ex-in-laws, with whom I needed to communicate for his current address, and some simple verification of our marriage, would get their faces in there, too, and my own parents would get a nosy call, and I'd never hear the end of it, but they were only asked by the tribunal for his address, without revealing mine (although they knew it), or my case for annulment. My family couldn't figure out why I was getting an annulment, anyway, very unappreciative of the sacramental nature of marriage; you could see and hear the undercurrent of ridicule, which was AWFUL to my pride.
Your worry over his "getting into your business" may be a little misplaced, if you review it and pray over it. I appreciate you not wanting him to poison your children's minds, or make them anxious, but the church is VERY good at keeping him at arm's length, and I hope you will trust that you will be guided by the Holy Spirit along this scary path to only a better place.
2. As I recall, my marriage license copy, ordered from the state, cost all of $8.00! Pretty cheap for the process of healing. I waste that much money on lattes and bagels during the week......
It sounds too easy for me to say "don't be scared, it's worth the effort." But I was petrified, angry, embarassed, tearful, and it WAS worth it. Following in scared obedience is a very spirit-strengthening experience. Think about what you've faced by being a mother; they get frighteningly ill, or don't measure up in school on a subject, and you get up, do what needs to be done, hang on and work it out. You're brave beyond your own expectations because they need you. Well, you need you, too, to trust in His Peace, which cannot be equalled by any earthly comforting mechanism.
I hope someday to be married sacramentally in the church and that time UNDERSTAND that God is intimately a part of that union. All the nauseating headachy just plain fear and humiliation was worth having the sacrament back on my horizon again!
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JasPax
Member
| Joined: | Wed Nov 22nd, 2006 |
| Location: | North Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 219 |
| First Name: | James | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Episcopal to Catholic |
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Posted: Sun Jul 22nd, 2007 03:05 pm |
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Holly,
Different states handle the copies of marriage licences differently. Some through the state and others through the county in which it was issued. Call your local county clerk's office (or whatever agency issues licences in your location) and ask for information.
Hang in there! It's worth it!
James
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James
"Abide in me, and I in you..." John 15:4
"He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him." John 6:56
RSV-2CE
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hoddie3
Member
| Joined: | Thu Jun 7th, 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 4 |
| First Name: | Jane | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | mormon, aspiring Catholic |
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Posted: Mon Jul 23rd, 2007 02:15 am |
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| Thank you all! I am feeling a little better about this situation, although still dreading laying it all out there again! It amkes it better to have all this advice and opinions, thank you!!!
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Johnnie o
Member
| Joined: | Tue Jul 31st, 2007 |
| Location: | W. Hempstead L.I., New York USA |
| Posts: | 24 |
| First Name: | john | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic,altar boy(latin mass '62-4), 8yrs@ catholic school, Lapsed Ca. ... |
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Posted: Wed Aug 1st, 2007 11:32 am |
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Hello Hoddie 3,
Any marriaige outside the Catholic Church, or as a Catholic.( I would say unless the children were being brought up catholic, in interdenominal faiths) , would not be valid.
do the Mormons consider Marraige a Sacrament, as the Catholic Church does??? Civil divorces are just not enough, what god has brought together let no man put asunder, the annulment process, points to the unsacramental aspects that would preclude the abiliy to make a valid Vow before God, by either partner.
Your husband being Catholic, and wanting to continue in his Catholic faith, you ought to go to the RCIA classes. They won't hurt, and you'll be in a position to enter the Church, for Easter, in case you see things a lil different later on.at least you will about your husbands faith, which couldn't hurt at all.
Going thur the anullment process, he seems to want to get right with The Church.
From what i know, being you were married outside the Church, only requires a 'special dispensation' which can be done by the local Parish level.
You can appeal to the diocese.
Were you aware of his intentions to get back to his catholic roots??? before Marriage? did they include you also ?
A house divided cannot stand. .
it is the women who by their taste, their standards, thier character, determine whether the ideals of purity, integrity, unselfishness and faith are to prevail or fall.
The hand that rocks the cradle, is the hand that rules the world.
Man changes for the Church, the Church doesn't change for man.
for me I am going thru the anullment, special dispensation process also,
it is a lot of work, its deeply emotional, and hard. today I beleive it is worth it.
God bless,
Johnnie o
____________________
All warfare is based on deception
The Opponent is wise: Whenever He can, He makes use of the easiest and most effective of his weapons: Gossip. It doesn’t take much effort to use it, because others do the work for him. A few miss-directed words can des
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