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Bosendorfer71
Member
| Joined: | Wed Aug 1st, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 6 |
| First Name: | Meechi | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptist upbringing, Meher Baba "Lover", United Methodist, RCIA 09/2007. |
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Posted: Sat Nov 10th, 2007 05:19 pm |
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Hi to all,
I've been away for awhile. Busy chasing an 11-month old, RCIA and life in general.
My husband and I will have our marriage blessed by the decon from our church next week (Nov. 18th) and I have a couple of questions and would like to hear what others did for their blessing rite.
Anyway here goes:
1) I was wondering if it was expected or even appropriate to "grease the palm" so to speak, of the paster/decon for a marriage blessing rite? The reason I ask is that for my first marriage, my parents told me that my ex and I should give the baptist pastor cash after the ceremony. This made me uncomfortable but I did it anyway.
2) I have heard of brides bringing our Blessed Mother a rose for their marriage ceremony. Is this appropriate for a marriage blessing rite?
Thanks in advance. And again if anyone out there had to have their marriage blessed I would like to hear what you did.
____________________
Peace be with you.
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CajunRick
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 4971 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Sat Nov 10th, 2007 05:51 pm |
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Bosendorfer71 wrote: My husband and I will have our marriage blessed by the decon from our church next week (Nov. 18th) and I have a couple of questions and would like to hear what others did for their blessing rite.
First of all, congratulations! We're glad to have you back with us, especially with such good news.
1) I was wondering if it was expected or even appropriate to "grease the palm" so to speak, of the paster/decon for a marriage blessing rite? The reason I ask is that for my first marriage, my parents told me that my ex and I should give the baptist pastor cash after the ceremony. This made me uncomfortable but I did it anyway.
Frankly it makes me uncomfortable, too. A priest is paid a salary and "tips" are not really appropriate. On the other hand, most deacons do it for a love of their ministry and a gratuity (the Church actually calls them "stipends" with a long i sound) is not inappropriate. It is more customary in some areas and ethnic groups.
Donations to the parish are always welcomed. If I were to give an offering to a priest, it would be in the form of a check made out to the parish. But that's just my personal thoughts, there are really no "rules" one way or the other.
2) I have heard of brides bringing our Blessed Mother a rose for their marriage ceremony. Is this appropriate for a marriage blessing rite?
An honor paid to our Blessed Mother is always appropriate. If you are having mass, the Sign of Peace is an appropriate time. If not, you can wait until the final blessing is concluded. That way your first act as a new, sacramentally joined couple will be honor the Mother of God.
____________________
Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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Bosendorfer71
Member
| Joined: | Wed Aug 1st, 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 6 |
| First Name: | Meechi | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptist upbringing, Meher Baba "Lover", United Methodist, RCIA 09/2007. |
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Posted: Sun Nov 11th, 2007 11:41 pm |
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Hi Rick,
Thanks so much for your response. I will talk to our decon about the order of the ceremony. In particular, when to present the rose to Our Lady.
As far as gratuity for the decon, my husband and I are still discussing. Thanks again for your help! 
____________________
Peace be with you.
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garyb444
Member
| Joined: | Tue Aug 28th, 2007 |
| Location: | Sacramento, California USA |
| Posts: | 20 |
| First Name: | Gary | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Episcopal, Fundamentalist, SDA, Eastern/New Age/Spiritualism, to Catholic |
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Posted: Sun Jan 20th, 2008 05:47 pm |
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Hi everyone. I had couple of questions on this topic.
I am in RCIA, my wife is a cradle Catholic. We were told by our pastor that our marriage is good in the eyes of the Church, but we could get have our marriage blessed if we wanted to.
Is a marriage blessing the same thing as a wedding? And is it a private ceremony, or is it attended by other people? Is it done at an off-time (outside of the normal masses) or during a regularly scheduled mass?
Thank you,
Gary
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BodRod
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 2nd, 2006 |
| Location: | Apple Valley, California USA |
| Posts: | 720 |
| First Name: | Cliff | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Raised an SDA, then Generic Christian, finally at home with ... |
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Posted: Sun Jan 20th, 2008 06:28 pm |
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Hi Gary,
I just attended one of those. The couple had had a civil ceremony several months earlier. I did not ask, but my guess was that they finally had all the paper work in order relative to previous commitments. Anyway, ..... it was a lot like a wedding except for the music when the bride entered and it was a very small group attending. The bride and groom were wearing very nice "church appropriate" clothing and each had a witness. Three priests served on the altar and during Holy Communion. A reception followed at the couple's home. It looked and felt like a wedding except it was very small and there was no rowdy ( ) behavior at the wedding nor at the reception.
Last edited on Sun Jan 20th, 2008 08:59 pm by BodRod
____________________
Gratias agamus Domino Deo nostro.
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CajunRick
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 4971 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Sun Jan 20th, 2008 07:53 pm |
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garyb444 wrote: Hi everyone. I had couple of questions on this topic.
I am in RCIA, my wife is a cradle Catholic. We were told by our pastor that our marriage is good in the eyes of the Church, but we could get have our marriage blessed if we wanted to.
Is a marriage blessing the same thing as a wedding? And is it a private ceremony, or is it attended by other people? Is it done at an off-time (outside of the normal masses) or during a regularly scheduled mass?
I wouldn't want to second-guess your pastor but if you were not married before a priest, your marriage would normally not be recognized by the Church. I can only assume that there is some factor involved that makes your circumstances unique.
Yes, a marriage convalidation ("blessing") is like a wedding except that it is normally a small, private ceremony held separately from a mass, and the only people present are the spouses, priest, witnesses, and those guests you may wish to invite. If it is considered a renewal of vows rather than a convalidation, witnesses are not necessary, and the couple and the priest are enough.
Having said that, let me also say that it could be celebrated at a regular mass. Our parish has an annual celebration where couples celebrating 25, 40, 50, or 60+ years of marrriage are invited to renew their vows before the congregation. But for the most part such marriages are in small, private ceremonies. I have seen one with several attendants, flowers, music, etc., but that's the exception, not the norm.
____________________
Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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Darlene
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Pocono Mountains, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 877 |
| First Name: | Darlene | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Christian, trusting His love and forgiveness |
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Posted: Thu Feb 21st, 2008 06:40 pm |
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CajunRick wrote:
I wouldn't want to second-guess your pastor but if you were not married before a priest, your marriage would normally not be recognized by the Church. I can only assume that there is some factor involved that makes your circumstances unique.
Dear Rick,
What you said jumped out at me. (in bold) While attending mass, RCIA, and getting counseling from a priest, I was informed that my marriage was valid in the eyes of the RCC and I would not have to have it convalidated in order for me to become Catholic and partake of the Eucharist. While it was suggested that having my marriage convalidated before a priest would be a good thing, it was not considered a requirement for me to become Catholic. Now perhaps "recognized by the Church" means something entirely different than recognizing that my marriage is valid. Yes, no?
When we married we both acknowledged that we were making vows before God and those present among us. We did not do this lightly and with an attitude that if things didn't work out, we could split. My husband and I have never been married to anyone previously and have committed ourselves to being faithful to each other till death do us part. Such a marriage I trust has been pleasing to Jesus Christ and He blesses our union. For me to think otherwise would be very troubling.
Darlene
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The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. II Corinthians 13:14
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garyb444
Member
| Joined: | Tue Aug 28th, 2007 |
| Location: | Sacramento, California USA |
| Posts: | 20 |
| First Name: | Gary | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Episcopal, Fundamentalist, SDA, Eastern/New Age/Spiritualism, to Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Feb 22nd, 2008 03:29 pm |
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There seem to be 2 issues involved here:
1) whether or not you are commiting adultery in your present marriage. In my case, my first wife is deceased, so we are not commiting adultery, so perhaps that is what our priest was referring to. In the eyes of the Church, I am not a sinner.
2) whether or not the church recognizes your present marriage as valid. Although my wife is Catholic, we were not married in a Catholic church.
I know the first one would be considered a mortal sin, but what about the second?
Thanks,
Gary
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CajunRick
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 4971 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Fri Feb 22nd, 2008 05:47 pm |
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Darlene wrote: CajunRick wrote:
I wouldn't want to second-guess your pastor but if you were not married before a priest, your marriage would normally not be recognized by the Church. I can only assume that there is some factor involved that makes your circumstances unique.
I was informed that my marriage was valid in the eyes of the RCC and I would not have to have it convalidated in order for me to become Catholic and partake of the Eucharist.
Gary is married to someone who was baptized Catholic. To the best of my knowledge, you are not. Different circumstances, different rules.
____________________
Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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