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examinnfaith
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| Joined: | Sun Nov 19th, 2006 |
| Location: | Oregon USA |
| Posts: | 12 |
| First Name: | examinnfaith | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Congregational, Episcopal, Lutheran, Nazarene, Baptist, Faith Center, Interdenominational, |
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Posted: Sun Nov 19th, 2006 10:54 pm |
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I have been attending RCIA this fall and have been examining the Catholic church, as a context for the faith I have held all of my life, since last year. I am always surprised by how many of the truths of the Church that I have heard on EWTN Journey Home are the same ones that have drawn me to where I am in my journey!
My lack of courage, however, shows in my constant thoughts over how, when, where, etc. or even if, I can, will, should share this new endeavor with my family. My parents are 77 and 85 and, though they are used to me doing 'strange' things all my life, I am not sure the 'bus ride' will be long enough for them to recieve anything but heartache from this endeavor. My kids are young adults and I think I will eventually (hopefully before Easter Vigil) have the courage to tell them. However, one of their spouses asked my husband if I was interested in catholicism and why I would want to 'give up Christianity".
Is this an issue for all of us who are converting? I saw the testimony of Leona Choy on Journey Home and wondered if she would have been so courageous if her husband had still been alive? Ordinarily, I would not consider myself a 'chicken', but this issue certainly is scary for me.
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BodRod
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 2nd, 2006 |
| Location: | Apple Valley, California USA |
| Posts: | 840 |
| First Name: | Cliff | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Raised an SDA, then Generic Christian, finally at home with ... |
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Posted: Sun Nov 19th, 2006 11:17 pm |
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Greetings,
<<My lack of courage>>
I think we all have mixed feelings about who we want to tell what about a lot of things. Considering the estimated length of the "bus ride" and the possible distress such information might cause your parents, I think the most "Christian" thing you can do under such circumstances is to keep such information to yourself and not add distress to their final years. 
____________________
Gratias agamus Domino Deo nostro.
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CajunRick
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Posted: Sun Nov 19th, 2006 11:21 pm |
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examinnfaith wrote: Is this an issue for all of us who are converting?
First of all, let me say that as a cradle Catholic, this is not something I have ever faced. But in almost 20 years of involvement with RCIA, I know that it is a concern for many.
I think the question you need to ask yourself is what purpose will be served by bringing it up? I'm not suggesting that you lie, but especially in the case of your parents, what would you expect of them if you tell them? Would you want them to attend your Easter Vigil ceremony? Are they physically, geographically, and emotionally able to do so? The Easter Vigil is very long (sometimes 2 hours plus); do the have the physical stamina at their age to attend without major inconvenience? Would it be better just to not bring it up, and only tell them if they ask?
As for your children, the same questions apply. Do they live close enough to attend? If not, what purpose is served by bringing it up? Do you have a living spouse and is your spouse on the journey with you? These are all factors you will have to use in making your decision on whether to bring it up to them, or leave it on the table until they ask.
Ultimately, it will be your choice.
Welcome to the forum. I'm sure others who have faced this decision will give their opinions, too.
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David W. Emery
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Brownsville, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 2410 |
| First Name: | David | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Mon Nov 20th, 2006 12:01 am |
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Is this an issue for all of us who are converting?
You bet it is. Rare is the convert, or even inquirer, who is not beseiged by friends and relatives with that same refrain: “Why would anyone want to give up Christianity for something so absurd and, frankly, evil as Catholicism?” Sometimes it gets downright nasty: “I’ll divorce/disinherit you if you convert.” Several forum members can give you chapter and verse on that.
I can understand your reluctance to tell your aged parents. I was still a teenager when I converted (canonically barely old enough to do it on my own recognizance), and when my parents found out, they were outraged. I endured several years of daily persecution. They knew from years earlier that this where I was headed, but so long as I didn’t actually make the move nothing was said. Eventually things calmed down and my religious affiliation was no longer a matter for outspoken defiance.
Such blowups (sometimes accompanied by campaigns to “bring back the stray sheep” or even actual persecution) appear to be the price one pays for being true to one’s convictions, no matter what one does. Lest you think that Protestants are the only ones who react in this manner, I can vouch for the fact that Catholics often react the same way when a loved one leaves the Church. This tendency to outrage and resistance to a friend’s or family member’s conversion is a human thing, after all. Catholics are encouraged to pray rather than “react,” but one cannot help being saddened.
What to do when attacked? Basically, I let my accusers speak their mind and said little in return, relying on actions speaking louder than words. Now, decades later, ironically not one of those staunch Protestants who accused me of selling my soul is even a believer, let alone a regular churchgoer. Times change, it seems, and so do people. But accusing any of them of “selling their souls” is not my way, nor is it the Catholic Church’s way. If asked, I have given reasons for my perseverence, and if not, I have kept quietly prayed for their return to God. And you know, even that approach has provoked violent reactions at times, so strong is the person’s need to justify himself. You can see from this, I think, why Christ was crucified.
Regarding Leona Choy (I was wondering when someone was going to bring up this extraordinary Evangelical lady’s very unexpected conversion): I do believe she would have had the courage of her convictions. And I believe her husband would have respected her choice. Why? Because both of them had surrendered themselves entirely to God. Wherever he led, they would follow.
That said, I must agree with BodRod that telling your aged parents about your conversion is not a matter of high priority.
David
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examinnfaith
Member
| Joined: | Sun Nov 19th, 2006 |
| Location: | Oregon USA |
| Posts: | 12 |
| First Name: | examinnfaith | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Congregational, Episcopal, Lutheran, Nazarene, Baptist, Faith Center, Interdenominational, |
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Posted: Mon Nov 20th, 2006 08:54 am |
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Thank you for the thoughtful replies you have given. I have followed the forums here for some time and knew there would be wisdom in your 'answers'. I appreciate the time you take to help those on the journey!
I had reached much the same conclusion in regards to my parents. They are, indeed, too old and infirm to attend Easter Vigil. The distance is also too great for them now.
I tend to agree about my children, as well, except that we visit them during 'chunks' of time in their home areas. Usually, we stay in their home. Nearly always this means a weekend is involved and I will want to attend mass. I know I can choose either Saturday vigil or Sunday mass. I know God will go ahead of me and prepare the way. Perhaps, I need to practice my faith for this day and not 'worry about tomorrow'! Time takes care of a lot of 'issues'!
Thank you again for the wisdom you have provided. You are a great encouragement to those of us still shaky on our 'young' legs.
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BodRod
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 2nd, 2006 |
| Location: | Apple Valley, California USA |
| Posts: | 840 |
| First Name: | Cliff | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Raised an SDA, then Generic Christian, finally at home with ... |
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Posted: Mon Nov 20th, 2006 10:52 am |
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<<I tend to agree about my children, as well, except that we visit them during 'chunks' of time in their home areas.>>
You may find that your kids know more than you think they know. That is the way it was around here. I can still remember some of the conversations around the dinner table and wondering at the time, "Where did they learned that?"
More recently, when my wife told them that I had joined the Catholic Church, they showed no surprise whatever. Even though they all have their own homes elsewhere, they had already picked up on my reading the Bible, my enjoying monks singing chants and my appreciation for historical detail.
If I may offer a suggestion; relax, take life as it comes and don't worry ahead. Or, as my grandmother used to say, "We don't need to borrow trouble. We will get enough on our own!"
Last edited on Tue Nov 21st, 2006 02:35 pm by BodRod
____________________
Gratias agamus Domino Deo nostro.
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stephanpetersgirl
Member
| Joined: | Wed Nov 15th, 2006 |
| Location: | Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 16 |
| First Name: | | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Converting to Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Nov 21st, 2006 09:19 am |
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I don’t know if this will help you with your decision because every family is different, but this is what I did.
My parents are also older. They are 73 and 71 years old. I was very nervous about telling them that my husband, the children, and I are in the midst of conversion because I hate the thought of making them sad. They are both very faithful Baptists.
I am very close to my mother so I really wanted her to know about this huge change in my life. I also felt that if she found out somehow through the "grapevine," she'd be devastated that I hadn’t shared the news with her myself.
My mother lives far from me so a face to face chat about this was not really possible. When I tried to talk to her about it over the phone, I realized that just wouldn’t work . . . It’s hard to be clear during a phone call.
My parents-in-law also live far away, and I knew if I didn’t have the courage to tell my mother over the phone, I certainly wouldn’t have the courage to tell my mother-in-law over the phone. But she would also be very upset if she found out from someone else.
Since it was important to me to make my reasons clear, I decided to write them both letters. (Since then I’ve heard that breaking bad news via a letter is a little callous, but in this case both sets of parents thought the letters were beautiful. My mother-in-law even said hers was a keepsake.)
I made scrapbook style handmade cards with letters inside that told my personal story and my family’s story as we journey toward Rome. I tried to be clear and explain our reasons and our feelings accurately. At the beginning of the letters I explained that I’d rather sit down over a cup of coffee or tea and talk for hours and hours about what is happening in our lives, but that’s impossible.
Then I PRAYED that the news wouldn’t be too hard a pill for two pairs of faithful Christian parents to endure. Their responses were not as bad as I’d anticipated. In both cases, they sent literature and tapes for us to read and watch, and of course we are watching and reading, but they took it pretty well, all things considered. After that, I posted our story on-line and sent a link to some other relatives. It feels really good to have everything out in the open.
My parent’s are saddened by my decision, but when I compare that to the sadness they would have felt if they had discovered our entire family’s conversion accidently!!!!!! I am happy with the letters I sent.
Laurie
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thiscatholicjourney
Member
| Joined: | Tue Nov 7th, 2006 |
| Location: | Reno, Nevada USA |
| Posts: | 34 |
| First Name: | Amber | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | From non-denominational to Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Nov 21st, 2006 02:15 pm |
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I can completely relate. I had to "break the news" to my family as well. Some have taken it better than others. What I have come to realize is that I cannot take it personally because they are only against what they THINK Catholicism is, but not against Catholicism in what it REALLY is.
My thoughts are with you. It is a difficult decision: especially how and when... I brought a book (Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic). It took them a good month to even begin to read it... They still will not talk about it with me, which is difficult since I want to share all the joys I've discovered... but I have to wait until they are ready.
May God help you know when and how to let your family know... and remember that if you are following God, that's what matters more than anything.
God Bless you!
http://www.thiscatholicjourney.com
____________________
Proudly entered the Catholic Church in 2007!
Learn about my journey!
http://thiscatholicjourney.com/blog.htm
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