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lifetone
Member
| Joined: | Mon Feb 4th, 2008 |
| Location: | Harrisburg, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 84 |
| First Name: | Anne | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Methodist, Baptist, Wiccan/New Age, Pentecostal, Catholic |
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Posted: Tue May 27th, 2008 02:31 pm |
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Hi Gardenia..
I just joined the Church at the Easter Vigil and while I was visiting at my old workplace I talked to my former boss who attends this really small parish she says and when I told her where I'd joined up (because apparently they are talking about this back there, cuz her boss who was also briefly my boss - long story - was my sponsor.) She was like Holy Name, they have thousands of people there! And asked if I ever thought about joining a smaller parish where it could be more intimate.
I really agonized about this for a little while (because there is a smaller parish which is actually much closer to me and which I go to for Perpetual Adoration several times a week anyway!)
So I went to the Lord about it and (we talk all the time, He's my best friend) He was like I sent you to this parish for a reason and as for all those people you better get used to it because there are going to be a LOT of people in heaven. =D And then I still prefer my parish to the Cathedral which is all big and fancy, so maybe my "huge" parish feels comfortable in comparison, but they are both good in different ways. Oh boy especially the Cathedral on Ascension Thursday when it was televised and all crowded.
So talking to Him kind of made me stop fretting. He has that way about Him. I've also while a Protestant belonged to a "mega-church" one of those churches you see on TV and I got somewhat lost in the shuffle there and in a way that was nice. No pressure. No commitment. Just another body in a chair involved in a few ministries here and there.
Yes, I struggle with it too. Mostly it's like not only will people not see me, but do I maybe like it that way? Pride stuff. But this is where God has led me to be. And Father always knows best. =D
And mostly I'm all alone most days although on Sundays a friend has started joining me. And I kind of like being alone. I'm a loner I guess, would mostly as to personal preferences be happy with me and Him and a notebook and a mountain somewhere. But I like people too, most of the time and the trouble and bother of dealing with them is worth the end value of getting to know people. I guess. =D Sometimes more than others.
Anyway hope this helps.. But yes, I've felt that too. My one friend even says so, well we're not friends anymore I guess but someday I hope we will be again (this is me praying for his soul) that I've betrayed Protestantism, sold out to "the man" in the 2 Thess 2 sense. It's one of those things wherein I'm supposed to be seeking God's will for myself as opposed to what man is telling me - and *obviously* that means in the way this human being tells me to. It makes me sad because I so used to respect that person I never thought he'd stoop to that level but for some reason he really hates Catholics I guess, so it's like blinded him.
Well, hope this helps. Sorry for rambling, maybe I'm also sharing some of my fretting feelings since this was a pretty huge leap for me. I'll pray for you, to see and do His will. Thanks for your courage in posting that. It's hard to share our fears.. Nice to meet you! I don't suppose you've ever played .hack. There is a character named Gardenia in it, didn't know if that's where you got the idea for the name. She's cool. Okay, talk to you later.
God bless!
Anne
gardenia wrote: I feel really unsettled right now because I feel this drawing towards the Catholic Church but yet I'm scared at the same time because I'm not 100% sure that it's the right thing to do. Sometimes I wish I could just keep going to my church and still listen to EWTN for encouragement like I've been doing, but I don't think I can do that anymore.
I'm really worried that I'll feel unwelcome at the Catholic Church because it's so much bigger than where I go.I'm also worried that maybe the people won't be as friendly or welcoming as they are where I go now.
Has anyone else experienced these doubts?If so,what did you do? Thanks so much for your help.
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lifetone
Member
| Joined: | Mon Feb 4th, 2008 |
| Location: | Harrisburg, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 84 |
| First Name: | Anne | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Methodist, Baptist, Wiccan/New Age, Pentecostal, Catholic |
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Posted: Tue May 27th, 2008 03:14 pm |
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Hi!! What an awesome idea. I was about to just type that but then I decided to reply to Gardenia first because I was just talking to my one (1) close Catholic friend about that after Mass on Sunday.
Thanks so much cuz it is kinda hard, in fact I'm struggling with something kind of related to that. I kinda was really burdened at my First Confession with are you *sure* you, by you meaning the priest, speaking for God, want me here? And when the priest was nice to me afterward it was like ... wow ... although I'm still not sure. After all that I've done and all that I am capable of doing and.. And I'm still not sure if ... but I feel so unworthy ... but it's okay in that deep profound way that HE says it is okay and therefore it's okay. Really.
I was really nervous approaching Pentecost Sunday because it felt to me like that was when I was no longer going to be a novitiate baby Catholic. But then a whole bunch of things happened that week so I stopped being nervous about going for Communion and messing it all up (well distractedly so - being out among other human beings of any kind size race for any reason always makes me a little nervous). There was some horribly personal stuff. Also someone in a position of leadership said something about not receiving Him on the hand because this was disrespectful and I actually confessed this to the pastor because this so upset me, and he totally comforted me and said either way was fine and said I was becoming a good Catholic and not to worry, because I think he sort of sensed that's what I was really asking. For affirmation I guess.
And somehow in the midst of all that, sharing those things, going to Confession to find three people I knew waiting in line "coincidentally" so we kind of shared a bit while we were waiting. It was a crazy week between Ascension Thursday and Pentecost Sunday. So much happened now that I think of it. It was like God was answering my prayers or something. Stranger things have happened.
I still will probably never feel like one of the guys but ... yeah, this is my home. It's my parish. And will continue to be as I experience more things.
But yeah, a lot of the ladies seem to know each other that way, through their kids. I've noticed that. I'm sorry that's not part of His will for my life. Sigh.
Like the other guy said though I'll never be completely comfortable. The Lord may ask me to move to some other country and I've learned to stay on my toes and never to think I know what is going to happen tomorrow because I really don't. But I'll always be Catholic, no matter what, no matter where. <gulp> I hope. God willing, and I'm pretty sure that He is. Even if I may not get to stay with this particular parish forever and ever. :,,,( In fact past experience with Him has taught me if I get too comfortable or think too highly of anything He may take it away for just that reason, so I try not to get too attached to anything. So ... I think I'm pretty okay.
Thanks though. I did need to vent. I still can't believe this has happened. Actually not just being Catholic but breathing oxygen and walking along the street, sometimes I'm like I just don't deserve life, Lord. Thank You for life.. Let alone getting to be one of His people. Let alone Him setting up this organized, visible Church. Let alone this Church welcoming me in. Let alone being allowed to receive His Body and Blood every day. Let alone getting to be involved in Perpetual Adoration of Him. I keep thinking of that one hymn, "Just as I am without one plea but that Your blood was shed for me and that You bid me come to Thee." Every now and again it just pops into my mind because that is how I feel about all this.. God is so good..
Thanks..
Anne
kimdyuma wrote: This has been said in posts before but it doesn't hurt to mention it again since we have just past the Easter Vigil- don't be upset if you feel out of place for these next few months- you are out of RCIA with it;s suppost and have been absorbed into the parish but haven't had the time to put down really deep taproots yet unless of course you have kids in Catholic ecuation. But this time next year you will no longer feel like you have a post it note on your forehead saying "I really don't belong here" 
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sewnsew
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| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | Arizona USA |
| Posts: | 849 |
| First Name: | Kim | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | cradle Anglican, Episcopal /Catholic-04/07/07 |
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Posted: Tue May 27th, 2008 03:37 pm |
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| More on the topic of fellowship- I had been going every Sunday ( and sitting in the same place in the same pew) from 1984 to an Episcopal Church until I 2007 when I left to become Catholic. Since I am a reserved person I never really became too involved witht he parish- until our children became acolytes, active in the kid's choir and know as volunteers- I then helped behind the scenes- mending and maintaining choir robes etc but as my kids became more and more well know in the parish I had people coming up and introducing themselves and welcoming me to the church- they were always surprised to find out I had been there in some cases longer than they had.... so moving to a Catholic parish in some respects for me hasn'c changed- I never came from a stong fellowshipping back ground anyhow.
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gardenia
Member
| Joined: | Sat May 24th, 2008 |
| Location: | Lone Star State |
| Posts: | 2 |
| First Name: | Gardenia | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Assembly of God,currently Church of Christ |
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Posted: Wed May 28th, 2008 06:14 am |
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I wanted to thank everybody for your heart felt responses. I've been really thinking about what everyone has said. A lot of it has kind of confirmed what I've already been feeling inside. It's just kind of hard because I guess I look to the Christian church as kind of a substitute family because I don't have any family here where I live. I have a little boy and I want him to be around good and decent people.The only place I know where I can find those kinds of people is in the Christian church(Protestant or Catholic).
Lifetone,I never played the game you asked me about.I love Gardenia flowers.They are so pretty and have such an amazing fragrance.That's why I picked the name.
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lifetone
Member
| Joined: | Mon Feb 4th, 2008 |
| Location: | Harrisburg, Pennsylvania USA |
| Posts: | 84 |
| First Name: | Anne | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Methodist, Baptist, Wiccan/New Age, Pentecostal, Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Jun 6th, 2008 02:34 pm |
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Hi Gardenia, That's cool too. 
I know what you mean, I think. That's part of what made choosing a Church so hard for me. It's like no matter which one I pick I get so attached to the people there so if the time comes to leave or if that wasn't the "right church" it was painfully hard to go.  But I'm also blessed in that me and my sister are really close..
I know God will make a way for you to wherever you go next.
Do you have a garden with gardenia? I used to have roses, they were very beautiful and they were so much fun to work with too.
See ya!
Anne
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