| After a long period of simmering discontent at my
Presbyterian church surrounding the last pastor, criticism of him
came to a head just as I was installed as an elder in January of
2000. The pastor graciously left the church voluntarily after a
great toll was taken on him and his family. I was so disgusted with
how people had treated him and commented that "This would never
happen in a Catholic Church". There is authority in the Catholic
Church. Whether or not the parishioners agree with the priest, they
would never treat him with such disregard and disrespect as some
of the members had treated the pastor. The seed was planted.
The interim pastor came to the church in November of 2000 and spent
much of the next 18 months helping us to work through the conflict
and to help our church heal. Many things were put on hold, because
of waiting for a permanent pastor and for the healing process to
unfold. I was troubled that so much of our focus needed to be inward,
to the partial exclusion of continuing our mission to reach out
to the world.
In addition to the internal turmoil, the Presbyterian denomination
was facing controversy with the questions of ordaining gays and
lesbians and the review of what was marriage (man and woman or same
sex?) These issues would never (at least not in my lifetime) be
subject for debate in the Catholic Church. In a phone conversation
with my sister, we discussed what other denomination we could look
to that would be more conservative approach. We agreed that only
the Catholic Church would be likely not to cave into the popular
culture on issues such as homosexuality, abortion, and marriage
being a covenant relationship between a man and a woman. Both of
us dismissed that as not even in the realm of possibility. My sister
asked, "I wonder if Catholics are even Christians." I
wanted to find out for myself exactly what the Catholic Church was
about.
In the meantime, I worshipped several times at another Presbyterian
Church, thinking that was the answer. The service was lively, the
sermons entertaining, the pastor engaging, the building inviting,
the people friendly, but transferring to that church didn't seem
to be the answer. I also worshipped at an Assemblies of God church,
but that was not appealing to my family. It was focused so much
on the emotional experience. I considered every other denomination
that was present in my geographical area, until a light bulb went
off in my head. If I was going to change denominations, it made
sense to go back to the original faith, the one that was there in
the beginning. I couldn't cite the verse, but I knew that Jesus
wanted the church that he established to be unified. Paul also talked
about unity. How much more effective Christians could be if we were
a unified block. It seemed ironic that the denominations that espoused
sola scriptura ignored the Bible's own call for unity of the faith.
What a shock to think that the Holy Spirit may be calling me to
become a Catholic!
I stumbled across an interesting television program on EWTN, called
"The Journey Home", hosted by Marcus Grodi, a former Presbyterian
pastor. Each week, Marcus interviewed a former Protestant who had
converted to the Catholic faith. The show made me view certain dividing
issues differently and piqued my interest in Catholicism even more.
Other shows were interesting as well: "The Abundant Life",
and "Household of Faith" with Rosalind Moss and Kristine
Franklin. Rosalind Moss spoke with such passion, love and reverence
about the Eucharist, the real presence of Christ, that I began to
view the Presbyterian approach (the elements are symbols) to communion
totally differently.
As I continued to watch EWTN, I was fascinated with a show about
the appearance of the Blessed Virgin Mary to three children in Portugal.
Presbyterians never talk about these revelations nor focus much
on Mary. She was the mother of our Lord, yet we rarely mention her
outside of the Christmas season. Another excellent show on EWTN
covered the life of Pope John Paul II. I never thought much about
the pope, and was moved to tears at his deep faith and how God moved
in his life. I was confronted with my own past arrogance and narrow
view of God and the world. I could feel a new wonderful spiritual
world opening up to me, and more than once found myself on my knees
weeping in prayer to the Lord. I felt like I was being "born
again".
I watched EWTN at every chance I get, in part to fill my hunger
for more education, but also to test for things that would be "offensive"
or anti-scriptural (I'm embarrassed by my arrogance: who was I,
with no formal training or education in the study of the Bible,
to be testing and challenging the Catholic Church, with all of its
history, brilliant thinkers, and link to Christ). Most of what I
saw and heard made the Bible come alive and made Jesus seem more
real. I couldn't understand why many of my Catholic friends were
so complacent about their Catholic heritage. Why had my Catholic
friends kept the treasures in the Church such a well kept secret?
Despite the gnawing belief that I may move on from the Presbyterian
denomination, I agreed to serve on a committee called the Vital
Church committee. The purpose of this committee was to study ways
to make the church more vibrant in her worship. The focus rested
in part, on contemporary worship that would appeal to younger people.
A contemporary worship team had been organized apart from the Vital
Church committee and participated in Easter worship at the early
service. The music was modern and lively; it had been what I had
advocated for a long time. Again, something was missing: reverence,
awe, and deep meaning. I realized that words my mother once had
spoken rang true, "Are we in church to worship God or to be
entertained?" At the time she had said this, I bristled and
countered with, "We are there to worship, but given a choice
to worship in an entertaining environment or a dull, lifeless environment,
I will choose the former". As I rethought this issue, I was
convinced that I had been wrong. The worship experience should not
be centered on being entertained. But what should it be centered
on? A few weeks later a guest pastor preached at my church. His
sermon was filled with humor; the congregation responded to his
wit and warm personality. I'm sure people hoped that our new pastor
would be as dynamic, because, after all, the sermon is central to
Presbyterian worship and an engaging pastor is critical. One of
the books I had read illustrated a different approach. The author
spoke about a Catholic Church pastored by a priest whose reputation
had been sullied. A non-Catholic observer was curious as to why
the people continued to flock to the church for worship. He attended
the mass to learn for himself and discovered that people worshipped
with such joy, not because of whom was leading the worship, but
because of Whom was being worshipped in the Eucharist.
I remembered this recently as a young woman, also discontent with
our church but for different reasons, told me that she was attending
a Baptist church. The pastor was wonderful, she said. I thought,
"And what happens when this pastor moves on?" Will you
follow him or look for another church where the sermons are just
as entertaining or inspiring? She said that she would give "the
new pastor a chance". What pressure on this newly called pastor!
It seemed so wrong for one's commitment to a particular church to
depend upon the personality and preaching style of one person.
At a women's retreat at my Presbyterian church in March of 2002,
a woman gave a moving testimony about the joy of being a parent
to her Down's syndrome daughter, whom she had raised alone after
having been abandoned by her husband. I commented to the group that
it was stories like this that reinforced the value of all persons,
and sent a message to women not to consider abortion to deal with
the "imperfect" child. The room full of primarily Presbyterian
women was uncomfortably silent. The speaker didn't seem to be sure
of how to respond. She mumbled an obligatory, "How interesting".
Presbyterians don't want to offend anyone by taking a stand that
abortion might be against God's will. I said to my Catholic friend,
"This is reason #245 that I am considering the Catholic Church".
I knew that individual Catholics may not follow the teachings of
the Church with respect to abortion, but I found it so refreshing
that the Catholic Church takes a stand on this issue without regard
for political correctness.
I began to read books about Catholicism and started with the first
one I found. It was Why I Am A Catholic, written over 45 years ago
by an Episcopal priest who had converted to Catholicism. My mother,
a Presbyterian for at least 47 years, had it on her book shelf for
as long as I can remember I had looked at it several years ago,
without interest. This time, I devoured it and hungered for more.
I look back on how the Bible study in my home came to be in 1996.
I had been resistant to having it be part of the Presbyterian Church,
because I wanted women of all denominations or no church affiliation
to be comfortable here. As a result, there are currently three practicing
Catholics (and at least three former Catholics) who attend. They
have been a wonderful witness to me and have helped dispel some
of the negative preconceived notions I had about Catholicism.
This same Bible Study group studied a book called "The Christian
Feasts", written by Robert Webber, an Anglican priest. It opened
discussion for practices in the Catholic Church during the Easter
season. I learned of the "Stations of the Cross", and
other Catholic and Anglican worship practices that seemed to make
the Bible stories come alive. I was envious of the ritual and beauty
described in the book and by my Catholic friends. I found myself
being intrigued and hungry for more knowledge. I sensed for a long
time that something was missing in my Presbyterian worship, but
couldn't identify what it was. I began to long for the richness
that the Catholic liturgy provides and the history of the saints
and the Church that we never hear about in the Presbyterian denomination.
The practices of the Catholic Church that had caused me to be skeptical
and critical were now making me see how they point to Christ and
make the worship experience more alive. The scripture references
to the Church being "one body" and cautioning against
divisiveness had taken on a new meaning.
Regarding the issue of communion, circumstances occurred that made
me rethink the Presbyterian position. The first occurred as the
session discussed having communion during the church's 225th anniversary
celebration. I thought this was the perfect time to share communion,
when so many former pastors, friends and guests would be worshipping
with us. The view of the session, however, was that this would not
be a good time for communion in light of the time constraints and
numbers of people. The implication was that celebrating the Lord's
supper was an inconvenience.
The second incident occurred on Maundy Thursday, when the session
decided to serve communion in a different manner. We talked through
the logistics, which was somewhat confusing. As we were entering
the sanctuary, one member of session commented light-heartedly that
we were going to look like the "Keystone Cops". I cringed
that this may be a possibility, and that someone could treat the
serving of communion so lightly.
The third incident occurred at the latest session meeting when
it was suggested that we may want to serve communion less frequently
than once a month, because serving it so often may make it less
special. I wondered if this same person withheld physical or verbal
affection from her husband or children, so as not to make her hugs
and kisses and kind words "less special".
I began to consider and believe in the "real presence"
of Christ in the Eucharist as offered in the Catholic Church. It
was difficult for me to serve communion at the Presbyterian church,
knowing that it was purported to be an outward symbol of an inward
grace.
Communion was not the only issue for me. Baptism opened questions
as well. Controversy had brewed over the baptism of a baby of a
couple that was not married, and the issue was raised at a recent
session meeting. The new pastor reminded us that we elders are in
charge of the Church and we must determine our policy regarding
baptism. Surely there was a higher authority than ours to deal with
this sensitive issue. The pastor referred us to scripture and the
Book of Order, and to vote the way the Holy Spirit lead us. The
issue was put on hold, but I suspect that the Holy Spirit will lead
different people to different conclusions and to different interpretations
of scripture.
I had been a Presbyterian my entire life and had learned much from
the Church. I loved the people (I was raised in that church and
my mother and stepfather are members there) and leaders, but that
wasn't enough. I began to research John Calvin's teachings and wanted
to compare that with the teachings of Catholicism. Father Dan Valentine,
the priest at Holy Spirit Church, addressed many of my concerns
and opened my eyes to a new way of thinking. He lent a book to me
that gave a wonderful overview of the beliefs, traditions, practices,
and history of the Catholic Church. It made so much sense to me.
I loved the rich history, the references to the Fathers of the church,
the idea of intercession of the saints, devotion to Mary, the Eucharist,
the message of being saved by grace.
Some of Catholic thought had been introduced to me, ironically,
in the Presbyterian curriculum that I use to lead an adult Sunday
School class at Lebanon. It was through this teaching that I learned
about St. Ignatius of Loyola, bidding prayer, centering prayer,
and other "spiritual practices" that had origins in the
early Church. During one of the classes, when I was debating an
issue with another member of the class, the other member jokingly
said, "Well, if that's the way you believe, join the Church
down the street". I confided to him later that I was thinking
of doing that very thing.
My search was crystallizing, and I shared my yearnings for more
knowledge of the Catholic Church with my husband, Clyde. Clyde is
admittedly not a religious man. I was surprised, therefore, by the
degree of support he offered, even discussing my search with his
co-worker, Patty. Patty had been raised in the Presbyterian Church,
but converted to Catholicism for some of the same reasons that I
am searching. She gave me the testimony of Scott Hahn, a former
Presbyterian pastor and ardent opponent of the Catholic Church,
who converted to Catholicism. His story was fascinating, and he
articulated so much of what I had been discovering, but was unable
to put into words. His wife, Kimberly, also raised Presbyterian
and an opponent of Catholicism, converted later. They shared their
story in Rome, Sweet Home.
Clyde suggested one evening before dinner that I meet with a neighbor,
Patty, to discuss the Catholic Church. Patty and I had grown apart
as our children also grew apart. We hadn't spoken by phone for at
least six months. Within minutes of Clyde's suggestion, the phone
rang. It was Patty! Clyde's flippant comment, "It's a message
from God!!!", made me think, "Maybe so". When I told
Patty about the discussion that had taken place minutes before,
she reminded me that I had asked her nearly two years ago to see
the Catechism, as I was interested in the Catholic faith. I had
forgotten that.
While at a training seminar for Juvenile Court at St. Paul's monastery
on the South Side I picked up a book, Journeys Home, by Marcus Grodi.
Marcus is the host of the EWTN show that I mentioned previously.
The stories in the book mirror my own "journey" and serve
to propel me further in my search. I laughed out loud at the similarities
between the writers' and my own viewpoints, and thought, "ah
ha!!" at many of the shared experiences.
Several people have suggested that I be cautious and consider looking
to a different Presbyterian Church. An acquaintance theorized that
I am burnt out at Lebanon, and I need to look for another Protestant
church that will meet my needs. My Jewish co-worker suggests that
I am looking for the "Born Again" experience, meaning
that I would fit into an evangelical Protestant denomination. A
women in my Bible study who is Presbyterian but very open to Catholicism
cautioned me to move slowly, as the Catholic Church is "not
perfect". Pastor Bob Titus asked me to examine what "baggage"
may have led to my pursuing this course. One concerned person suggested
that I might be experiencing a "mid life crisis". Others
must think I am out of my mind to even consider the Catholic Church
at this time of horrific scandal in the priest hood with respect
to sexual abuse. Another acquaintance, also Presbyterian, suggested
that I look to the Episcopal faith. None of these suggestions address
the issue of unity in the church that has nagged me since the beginning
of my search.
One of the members of the session, upon learning that I had resigned
from the Vital Church committee, expressed concern for me. I assured
him that I was well, but I was "searching", and I wasn't
sure if that search would keep me at Lebanon. He said, "You
are exactly where my wife and I were two years ago. You have to
go where you are being fed." I thought, "If you only knew
that the 'food' I am looking to get is not only the Word of God,
but also the body and blood of Christ through the Eucharist!"
A friend and I attended the Defending the Faith Conference at Fransiscan
University in Stuebenville, Ohio in July of 2003. That experience
galvanized my belief that I needed to enter the Catholic Church.
In the fall of that year I signed up for the RCIA class at Holy
Spirit Church and look forward with great anticipation to entering
the Church at the Easter Vigil in 2004.
This has been an amazing adventure. I thank God every day for opening
my eyes and for the wonderful people he has put in my path to lead
me to the truth of His Church.
|
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